One Second Time Machine

Two Dreams...

2011-10-26T14:07:00.003-04:00

Literally:

I was on the phone with my grandpa who doesn't know I am gay, I was IN MY CHILDHOOD CLOSET while I was on the phone with him, he was kind of side stepping the issue asking me if I was 'seeing people'. As I talked to him there was a photo of him I taped to the wall. Then I struggled to tape another photo of me and my partner underneath that but the tape kept coming loose and I was standing on the bottom drawer of my dresser (which was in my closet as a child) I was trying to tape the picture high enough.

Sadness:

I was walking on a sidewalk bridge outside, the bridge was really high in the air, near the tops of a lot of the sky scrapers, so if I looked down one side I couldn't see the ground because there were wispy clouds about halfway up the sky scrapers. The two most prominent buildings were two 'twin towers'. I looked out in front of me and I felt I was up so high I could see the bend of the earth in the horizon, it was so beautiful. I looked to the other side of the bridge and there was a large river leading to the ocean, the sun was so gentle and there was a boat going out to sea. Also so beautiful. I looked down and saw the 'ancient desk' under the bridge 'where all the animals are made'. I looked again out over all of the vast beauty and I started crying. I cried and cried and my only thought was "why do we hurt each other, why is there pain we cause each other, look at the earth and how old it is and how beautiful." **later I told this dream to my partner and she said that I had been crying in my sleep.

The Bitter Tears in an Alley

2010-10-17T14:31:00.009-04:00

I was walking at night in a city. I came across a dark alley. When I looked down the gravel, I saw the Bitter Tears slinking around. These ol' guys:

It seemed like they were trying to be creepy but really they were more like British humor:

Shark Bite

2010-10-16T14:24:00.000-04:00

I was standing next to the street and a shark leaped up from the road and latched onto my left forearm. I ran inside the house and locked myself in the bathroom. I tried to open the shark's jaw but it held on so tight. Blood was pouring out of my arm; bright red puddles pooled at my feet. When I finally pried the shark free I flung him to the bathroom floor. It immediately froze and looked like an ice sculpture.

Two Dreams About Fish

2010-10-01T00:01:00.001-04:00

I dreamed that I could grab little birds, sparrows and parakeets, by their tiny legs and their feet would latch around my fingers. They liked being there. Also there was a tiny white fish out of the water and I gave it CPR by pressing its lungs rhythmically with my thumb.

In another dream, I was going fishing inside an abandoned and flooded trailer with two of my coworkers. It was a field trip, it was supposed to be fun, a treat. I reached down and grabbed a huge fish out of the water with my bare hands. My coworker Lauren said knowingly, "It's a sturgeon. And its not going to fit in the car like that." She then snapped the head of the fish clean off and threw it in a trash can under the sink. I was amazed and couldn't stop staring at the fish head. We drove back to Atlanta with the headless body of the fish laying on the floorboard of the front passenger seat of the car. Also I had hidden trash can containing the head inside the trunk.

Gutter Punks and Street Art

2010-09-30T14:08:00.000-04:00

During an odd little 30 minute morning nap, I dreamed of laying on a blanket in a field of high grass with a friend. We were watching gutter punks build and spray-paint a giant metal structure to our right. More and more people kept arriving and adding different facets to the art piece. I balanced my camera on my friend's knee to do a high exposure shot. I think this is the first time I've actively used my photography knowledge in a dream.

2010-09-29T11:21:00.001-04:00

I just had a dream this morning where I was still with my ex-boyfriend, and I was trying to figure out how to tell him I really didn't want to be with him any more. We were at some awesome place that was dark and vacation-y and full of people we were having fun with, but I was also solving some mystery or taking care of some exciting business. I felt challenged because sometimes I would think "Well, he's really not that bad..." and then other times I would think "I really have to just cut this off ASAP." I was not able to convince him that we shouldn't be together, which is very similar to what happened in real life. And then I woke up. But at least I tried to tell him to his face in the dream, instead of just handing him a letter and running away like I did in real life.

Lots of Guts

2010-08-24T11:34:00.000-04:00

I had a dream that a friend who is living abroad came to visit me. It was a surprise visit. I owned a house and it was the middle of the night, I think I was cleaning my bathroom or something. And he showed up and I said all disheveled from cleaning and said something like "I'm a hot mess" and he laughed like it was the funniest thing he'd ever heard. In my head I was like, how has he never heard that phrase before? Then there were some long embarassing parts with some making out and long embraces. . . and another friend showed up with someone else, not sure who. My other friend was dressed as a cowboy and was trying to get us to go out somewhere. He left and we went inside and my dad was there. He asked why I had all these dead cats hanging from the ceiling. We looked up and there were dead black cats hanging from the ceiling, with guts hanging out. I said that someone had been putting them there to scare me and my dad removed them and put them outside. I don't remember anything else.

I later had a dream that I was a zombie and that I ate someone.

There ya go

Cult Classic

2010-08-21T10:29:00.001-04:00

I had two different dreams about being in a cult.

I walked into an old house with me ex. I am not sure why we were at the house, I think it appeared to be some sort of boutique. We were invited to sit down at a big table with 4 other people. We were all chatting when I started to get a really weird feeling. Something just felt off about the people. They were dressed like they were on soap operas from the 70's. One of the women had big poofy blonde hair and was wearing all purple. I started to feel like I wanted to leave so I went to the door and called my mom. The people were not happy that I wanted to leave so I waited for my mom to get there. My mom and sister arrive and somehow I was able to leave, but my ex wanted to stay. He said "I'll be out in 2 minutes, it will be really quick." As we were leaving there were protesters outside the house, teenagers wearing all black with black eye makeup. They were yelling, "It's a fucking cult!" and holding signs. My mom, sister and I got in the car and started to drive away, but I said we couldn't go far because we needed to pick up my ex. We decided to drive around the block and we'd quick pick him up as we passed the house again. As we were driving we say my ex running. I couldn't tell if he was looking for us or just running. He was acting really strange, though. He would stop and kind of twirl and move around like maybe he was dancing? I kept watching him from the car as my mom was driving farther away from him. He had almost zombie-like dance moves. We drove out of his view and my mom announced that she was almost out of gas. Then the car stopped right before East Wash (in Madison). I was nervous about how close we still were to the house and my ex. We started discussing a plan of how to get gas.
And then I woke up.
When I woke up this morning I remembered both of my dreams really vividly, but now I can't remember if I just blended them into one or forgot the other one completely. But I remember waking up thinking it was really strange I had two different dreams about cults.

Basically a Big Party

2010-08-20T10:41:00.000-04:00

I was in a coffee shop with Anna, ordering lattes. When we got them, they were like giant chocolate milkshakes, but runny, which is perfect because sometimes milkshakes are too cold for my teeth. We turned to sit down at a table when I saw an old friend of mine out of the corner of my eye. He wore a white lab coat and disappeared around a corner.

"Namir?" I called as I followed him. He peered out from a doorway and replied "Yeeessss??" while at the same time, my cousin Laith peered out from a doorway across the hall, also wearing a white lab coat and saying "Yeeessss??" Laith was also pointing at his head insistently. He had shaved it bald. He smiled like a damn fool.

They both faded out and my guitar teacher appeared. He was wearing an adorable yellow bowtie and a black porkpie hat. I got excited and started to say to him "You look so nice..." but then I realized he was wearing a white sweat suit as well, so I finished with "...from the shoulders up!" The sweatshirt and sweatpants had two different colleges written on them; one was written in blue and one in black. He then put on a suit over the sweatsuit. The suit was black with pinstripes and was giant.

I returned to Anna and drank the rest of my latte milkshake. It had weird chunks at the bottom which I drank as I thought to myself "I may regret this in a moment."

I began singing the song "Nasty" by Janet Jackson. When I sang, the entire song came out of my mouth, drums and synth and voice and everything. As I sang, Anna and other people in the coffee shop started dancing. As I danced, I realized Will Smith was dancing right behind me. I kept singing and we formed a sort of demented conga line, just the two of us. When I got to the verse of the song, I somehow switched into "Rhythm Nation," which I didn't realize until I got to the chorus. I tried to do the Rhythm Nation dance, but my hands were full with a a giant box full of firecrackers. Here's what I missed out on:

Mike Rowe sells me an F150 & a paid work bathroom

2010-08-09T10:00:00.002-04:00

My work third floor bathroom has issues at the urinals in real life. Either men at my work can't aim at all or there's a slow leak or both. The point is, for a corporate 4 story building in a business area, it's really not up to snuff.

In my dream, however, to make matters worse, the urinals require a quarter to operate. The apparatus looks exactly like a video game slot. Even with the orange glow.

Shift forward sometime in my sleep, maybe even directly after leaving the smelly restroom. I'm in the middle of a vast field, it's overcast and the weather is moderate. And Mike Rowe is making a hard sell for me to buy som crappy merchandise that I can't recall for the life of me. But the hook was this shiny maroon F150 that we were standing in. Not only does it include one, but two of said crappy merch for a low,low price! Two, crappy plastic, whatevers and you also get entered to own this beautiful truck. Thanks Mike.

'Sup, says Obama

2010-08-06T11:00:00.000-04:00

I dreamed that I was chosen to interview President Obama at Beloit College, where I went to school. I don't know why I was picked, but it was mostly because I was an alumni and I had some connection with a professor. Unfortunately, I didn't prepare any questions, so I was scrambling to come up with something within the 20 minutes before the interview was to take place. I also couldn't find any blank sheets of paper - the notebook I had was full of paper, but every page had writing on it. I also had a lot os loose papers stuck in the notebook, but they were all written on as well. I did have two pens and a pencil, though.

I showed up on campus - drove my jeep up a windy road on a hill as it rained and I looked for an umbrella. Campus looked different from how I remember it, more like the campus of the school where my sister went to college. I was surprised that I didn't have to go through any type of security.

I stood in the lobby of Eaton Chapel, where the interview was to take place, and where I took all my music classes as an undergraduate. While we waited for Obama to show up, I gave a tour to an older woman. I can't remember who she was, but she could either be one of my old professors, or a member of Obama's family. I showed her around the building, and was trying to show her the dark staircase in the back of the building that comes up backstage (I had this idea of us coming out from backstage and her being met with a beautiful view of the chapel from the stage) but it was pitch black and there were heavy cords all over the ground, and I was convinced she was going to trip.

Then I was back in the lobby and Obama showed up, walking casually through the door by himself. "'Sup," he said to me, and moved on. I didn't tell him I was going to interview him.

We moved up on to the stage and sat at a small table where we'd do the interview. I still searched frantically for paper. One of my old professors, Ian, sat to my side, just like how a page turner sits next to a pianist. I think maybe he was going to turn pages for me...

I brainstormed some questions to ask him, all the while realizing that I had no idea why kinds of questions to ask. I thought I'd ask him about music, about Iraq, and about his daughters. Sarah whispered in my ear at some point, "Ask him about eating chicken and being a Veggie." Before I got to answer any questions, the people in charge started moving us to our next location. They'd just been taking pictures all along. I hoped I looked good.

Ideal Band

2010-07-25T10:31:00.000-04:00

I was watching a band play in the far end of the parking lot across the street from my house. They sort of seemed like a noise band which is weird because I'm definitely not into noise, and I was really into this band. They had posted a "rule" on a sign behind them: nobody is allowed to wear masks in the audience unless they were sick or were afraid of getting sick or they were going to an amusement park where they might get sick. I thought of those blue paper surgical masks.

This band was scheduled to play here from 7 pm - 8 pm, and then they were supposed to play at The Inferno from 8:30 - 9:30. I planned on going over there, but I must have taken too long because when I was finally leaving my house, it was already 9:30. I decided to go anyway to check out the second band.

Thank god I did. You know who it was? Effing Axl Rose and Slash, backed up by The Bitter Tears. Basically, this combination makes my favorite band ever. I watched them in a room with only about 20 other people, and got a great view right up front. During their last song, Slash and Axl stood in the center of the stage playing music while the four members (Alan, Mike, Tony, and a girl with glasses that I'd never seen before) did organized, choreographed dances in a square around them. The Bitter Tears rotated places every 4-8 bars of music and faced inward, towards Axl and Slash. They did a lot of grand movements with their hands, and they were able to play their instruments at the same time. Their eyes were all very focused on Axl and Slash.

At the end of their last song, Axl ran into the "back room" where apparently there was an audience of about 200, so I decided not to fight my way back there. Some guy announced the next band, which turned out to be the band of Toby from The Office. That was a sold out show, so I didn't even have a choice in whether or not I wanted to go. Good job, Toby.

Nerdy Shark Spits Up My Bones

2010-07-19T09:59:00.000-04:00

I don't know if I was watching something or if I was actually in the situation because everything that happened didn't affect me. I was in the water, right next to a wooden dock. There was a shark swimming circles around me. It was saying "darn! darn! darn!" over and over again. I thought that was pretty nerdy so I laughed. The shark promptly swallowed me whole and laughed, but I was still alive and outside the shark somehow. It then spit up "my bones," which was a silver metal oven rack.

Lost My Car in a Dark Garage

2010-07-19T09:48:00.001-04:00

I was at Anna's sister's wedding. Anna was the maid of honor, and as I watched her walk up the aisle before her sister, I grabbed my camera to take pictures. It was running out of batteries, so I kept turning it on and trying again, and I got a few mediocre shots out of it.

As I was taking the pictures, I remembered that I was supposed to play a song for the wedding and I didn't have my music with me. Since my music was at my parents' house and the wedding was just a few blocks away, I thought it would be fine for me to leave and run back to their house to get it. I assumed I'd get back to the wedding with no problem.

Then all of a sudden, I was in a giant high-rise parking garage. It was dirty and dingy and dark and scary with a million stairwells, several on each floor, so I couldn't keep track of where I was going. I held my keys tightly in my hand and kept pressing the lock button, which makes my car's horn honk. I could hear it very faintly in the distance. It was very high-pitched. As I climbed the stairs, the sound got harder and harder to hear, so I figured I should go back down. Whenever I got inside a stairwell where I'd be going down the stairs, I was able to jump down the whole thing with my fingers just lightly grazing the handrails. It was sort of like flying, but more so jump-falling in an organized fashion. Make sense?

I searched and searched everywhere, but I could not find my car. I did come across a man wearing a busted up tuxedo. He looked like some kind of cartoonish magician or the villain from an old movie. Crooked mustache, wilted flower in his boutonniere. He was digging through piles of junk, boxes of random things. He implied that he could help me find my car. I searched through the piles with him for a few minutes, turning up some of my own belongings. Then he led me to the base of a stairwell where three other people sat; two grown men and one little girl. "Stay here for 15 minutes," he told me. "Whatever you're looking for will show up."

I sat on the dirty floor and realized the two men and little girl were about to watch a movie. I thought it was probably be too scary for her. I also realized that the tuxedo guy was the owner of the fancy hotel that the parking garage was suddenly attached to, and I wondered how he had time to search through garbage when he had a fancy hotel to run.

Eventually I ended up in the lobby of the hotel, all dirty and standing out in the light of the giant chandeliers. I had not found my car or my music, and I was sure the wedding was long over, but Anna was there and still very nice to me. Hey, thanks for being a good friend, Anna!

Giant Dinosaur Mask

2010-07-16T16:36:00.000-04:00

I was in a convention in a really nice hotel in Hawaii or someplace tropical, and I was surprised to see that a woman was walking out of the convention lobby with something that looked like a purse, but also like a large alien pod. It was clear with sharp wavy triangular tentacles, and it glowed red at intervals. It was beautiful, but I was scared because at first I thought it was a bomb. When her husband arrived, he was wearing a HUGE triceratops mask made of the same clear and glowing material. When I expressed my surprise at his mask, he said, "Well, if you're in danger, and it might be some time before any help comes, these come in handy." Then I was almost awake, but still dreaming. I decided to go back into the dream and see if I could fly. I was back in the dream, and I was flying, but it was hard to fly with my eyes open because if I opened my eyes I would really wake up. It was wonderful to fly with my eyes only slightly open.

Embarrassing Feet

2010-06-29T10:46:00.000-04:00

I dreamed I was in my parents' neighbors' kitchen with a family I teach. The 7 year old boy had grown to be as tall as me, which was confusing. I looked down at our feet to see if I was wearing shoes that made me shorter or he was wearing shoes that made him taller. It turned out that I was wearing brown knock-off Birkenstocks with black socks. The mom in the family lifted up my foot to take a closer look. "These are really nice," she said. "Yes, they're knock-off Birkenstocks. I love them," I replied, but I was lying through my teeth. I was mortified to be wearing them. Especially with black socks.

Tomatoes Spanish Boring

2010-06-25T10:59:00.000-04:00

In my dream, I had just purchased a can of diced tomatoes. As soon as I got home, I realized there were already three cans in the garage. But it was the garage of my parents' house. I didn't really care.

Also, I could speak Spanish fluently!

Oh wait! I just remembered (I'm adding this a few hours later) that Gwen and I were driving around looking for the tanning salon we had to go to, and when we found out it was in the Princeton Club West, we were both like "gross" and didn't end up going.

Guns, Granola and Guest Stars

2010-06-21T18:26:00.000-04:00

I have been dreaming so much lately and having a hard time keeping track. It's like every night there is a really long intense dream.

In this one I was at a supermarket and there was a raffle going on. There were three large carts full of healthy things you could win. In one of the carts was a bunch of yogurt and 'beneful' which is dog food in real life, but I think in the dream it was kinda like granola. I really wanted to win that cart of stuff, but I was upset that it was vegan yogurt. I walked around the grocery store trying to find someone to talk to to see if I could switch it out if I won. Somehow I got lost and ended up in the managers office. It had a big table in the center and a large white couch on the side of the room. On top of the table was one of those fake tubular fish tanks things, this this:
Except in the dream there were real fish in it. A man with chin length hair was standing by the table and knocked the fish tank over. It shattered and water was everywhere. Somehow I knew he was in the office trying to rig the raffle so he would win. I was terrified now, because I had seen him knock over the fish tank. He looked up and saw me and pointed a gun at me. I screamed and ran behind the couch. He came over to the couch and leaned over it so he could see me. I kept crawling back and forth behind the couch because I was trying to be a moving target. I was trying to get in a position so that if he shot me it would go through me and not kill me. It didn't work because he shot me in my neck. I was holding my neck as it bled when I woke up. After I woke up I realized it was Darrell Hammond from SNL who was trying to rig the raffle and who shot me. But in the dream he looked like that creepy hit man in Grosse Point Blank- the guy John Cusack kills with a pen- in the neck!!!! Weird.

Celebrities and More Underwears

2010-06-21T09:18:00.000-04:00

In the first part of my dream, I was at a conference in a hotel with my parents and siblings. I don't know what the conference was about, but there were a lot of people dressed in ball gowns. Very glittery and sequin-y and tons of colors, mostly bright pinks and blues and greens. The material of the dresses was usually shiny. So basically, it sort of looked like an Arabic wedding. We argued about wear to park so that we wouldn't have to walk far in the rain.

We were in the lobby of the hotel, gathered around a table full of papers that we were supposed to fill out. The papers were messy and unorganized. I sat at the table with glasses on, trying to find the right form. Just then, somebody walked up to the table and placed a book, standing up, right in the middle. The book was Fatherhood. Which means that the man who put it there was...

BILL COSBY.

For real. He was bigger in person than he is on television. Not taller or fatter, but his proportions were bigger. He was a bigger kind of human than we all were. He smiled as he put the book down, and we somehow knew he was promoting it. Due to my quick wit (duh), I said "Oh, self-promotion, eh?" and Bill and the whole crowd burst into laughter. In all the craziness of laughing, the book fell over on its side, and I grabbed another opportunity at hilarity and yelled "Booooooo!" Bill Cosby laughed and laughed, and I remember thinking "Yes! I got two laughs out of Bill Cosby, and he's a comedian!" Really though, I think I'm much funnier than this in real life.

In the second part of my dream, I was talking to a professor of mine who ended up being Robert Downey Jr (who I've totally had a dream about before). As we were talking, I realized he was getting flirty and that there might be some Sexy Results. He asked me to come back later that night for a "meeting" (yeah right, Downey Jr) so I went to find my friend so we could go home and change. My friend had to keep score at a cheerleading competition, though, so we got held up and I kept looking impatiently at the time, not wanting to miss Sexy Results. The friend keeping score perched on the scoreboard above the gymnasium floor, manually hanging numbers on hooks when points were scored. At some point, she also hung a ten-year-old boy by his shirt from one of the hooks, as a prank. Everybody laughed.

I was sort of horrified until I realized there was a trampoline underneath him, and it was there as a safety precaution because this was all part of a movie we were making. I immediately panicked, wondering if Robert Downey Jr was only in the movie, or if I was going to see him again in real life. I couldn't tell.

Last thing: there was a pair of underwears in the back pocket of my jeans this entire time.

Underwears!

2010-06-20T10:32:00.001-04:00

I dreamed that I was shopping with my sister and my mother. We were in my mother's bedroom, which was also a department store. Probably Carson's. My mother kept showing us dresses and they were all shiny and glittery. We had to help her pick out two, but each one kept changing colors and moving, so I couldn't pick one.

My sister sent her into the dressing room, and at the last minute, I realized she'd sent my mother in with a few pair of swimming trunks to try on as well. It made me feel weird. I looked at all the underwear and wanted to buy all of it. In this dream, I kept feeling a lot of love for underwear. All the underwears of all the world.

My boyfriend Bret Michaels saves me from the Bull Woman

2010-05-31T15:46:00.000-04:00

Dudes, dudes, I have no choice but to confess that I have had yet another dream about Bret Michaels. This marks the third in a series, prompted no doubt by his recent brain hemorrhage, win of Celebrity Apprentice and appearance on American Idol- but who's keeping track?

I dreamed that Bret was my boyfriend and we were going to a sweat lodge in Kentucky. On the way there we passed a carpenter's work room and we stopped so he could show me what a great craftsman he is by making me a snow board. When we got to the site of the sweat lodge, we saw that it had been taken over by the evil bull-woman-with-claws from the second season of True Blood. I was really scared but my boyfriend Bret said "I'll protect you" and then I woke up and laughed my ass off.

Too Full for a Feast

2010-05-30T12:00:00.000-04:00

I dreamed I cooked a feast. I wanted the feast to be as good as the one that the Other Mother makes Coraline in the movie, with cupcakes, roast chicken, cherry pie and a gravy train that runs on a track around the table to each plate of mashed potatoes:

My friend sat down to eat the magnificent feast and took a huge bite that overflowed from his spoon. He then leaned back in his chair and declared "That was great, but I'm full!" I started to get annoyed but then I noticed that his stomach started swelling - inflating actually, not unlike Violet Beauregard from Willy Wonka. Then his belt snaps and the buckle ricochets, breaking my window.

The Lawyer in the Kilt

2010-05-11T21:50:00.000-04:00

I dreamed about this guy - this guy over here on the left - who is a lawyer that I know in real life who has written a poetry book that he is actually reading from at a pub (while wearing a kilt) in this picture. In my dream he was also wearing a kilt and reading from the poetry book at a pub, but the difference was that after he was done, he gave me a pool. A beautiful sparkling, Olympic size pool that I went swimming in.

Reykjavik, mostly

2010-05-11T14:01:00.000-04:00

I was at an event where a large group of people were dancing some martial arts style dance. I was somehow nominated to choose a team of dancers from the group so I had to pay attention to each person and it was a lot of pressure. Then I was with a group of people from college, at a friend's wedding reception. Everyone was split up into small rooms and "the cool crowd" was jam-packed into a room. I decided to boycott the cool crowd because it was so overcrowded and competitive to get a drink and the bride & groom's attention. I was a little bit pouty about it.

Then I was with a large group of friends and we found out we were going to Reykjavik, Iceland in a few hours. It was a ridiculous idea but no one wanted to miss the opportunity. So we got packed up to go. As we flew over Iceland, I asked "Is this real?" because we were in small planes, the size of about 3 rollercoaster cars. It was beautiful - clear skies, mountains, a lush green landscape below. I kept thinking of Bjork and how it made so much sense that she was from here. It was strange that there was no sign of volcanic ash in the sky and that we were cleared to fly. I actually thought maybe we were on a 3-D ride at Disneyworld because these planes or helicopters were so small and rollercoaster-like. They were so small that we were even able to zip through Reykjavik downtown and see shops, restaurants and cobblestone roads. It looked like a great city. At the hostel, our group bustled around finding our rooms and settling in. Reem was there and wanted to watch a Cameron Diaz movie. She kept asking others if it was a good movie, as she was really skeptical. But she really wanted to watch it. I remember thinking how lame it was that I was dreaming about a Cameron Diaz movie instead of dreaming of exploring Reykjavic on account of Reem.

Robert Downey Jr.

2010-05-07T10:43:00.000-04:00

I was at a house - I don't know who's house it was, but I was possibly at a party, or babysitting, or something like that. Somebody told me, or I realized, that they were shooting a movie just a few houses away, and that Robert Downey Jr. was there. I immediately took off running, which is really cool because usually I can't run in dreams. I ran through the backyard of my aunt and uncle's house in Illinois, which seemed giant and like a jungle. There was mowed grass and flowers everywhere. Without stopping, I bent down to pick up a cut yellow rose that still had a ton of leaves attached to it and I kept running. I ran through all their neighbors' yards, going around wells and jumping over piles of sticks.

I finally got to the place they were filming, which was a big fancy hotel. In the lobby, there was a huge, oval-shaped fountain or some kind of structure that contained tons of plant life, little garden statues, and waterfalls, amongst other things. I ran around it a few times, but Robert Downey Jr. was always on the opposite site as I was. Finally, I reached him. They were in the middle of filming, but he stopped when he saw me and said "I'll always meet somebody!" I handed him the yellow rose and said "Thank you. Thank you for what you do." Then I ran back in the direction from which I came.

Later, I was mad that I hadn't stayed longer, because it seemed like he was friendly and would have talked to me more. When I saw my friends and family, I totally lied and told them all that Robert Downey Jr. had kissed me on the cheek. What a liar!

Such a fox!

Moon Museum, Tattoos, Red Sox, Michael Jackson

2010-04-27T07:23:00.000-04:00

I was with my family and we went to an AWESOME museum exhibit on moons. Everyone got a free action figure and a little boy asked if he could trade with me. I said yes. Also there was a large photo on the wall - a collage of various people hanging out with the "red sox coach" and it included a picture of me eating pancakes with him. I bragged a bit about that, and a girl got annoyed. I was with Reem and we skipped most of the museum and talked about boys and she cried because a boy was not getting her published like he said he would. We were talking with my family and my mouth was full of pins and coffee grinds, so I excused myself to take care of that.

Then I was in a classroom situation, and we had a special guest - Michael Jackson! He sat down next to me. He was really nice. I was so flustered - MICHAEL JACKSON is sitting next to me! A girl was like, "What's your problem?" since I was all blush-y and I was like, "Michael Jackson!!!" and she looked at me like I was stupid. I quickly updated my facebook status to let people know I was sitting next to Michael Jackson in class. A few people wrote things like, "Not funny" and I realized that MJ has been dead. This was not the actual Michael Jackson, but a guy who kind of looked like him and sounded like him. And everyone else was smart enough to get that but me.

Then I was in a tattoo shop where my girlfriend worked. There was drama - the boss announced new pay rates and they sucked. My gf and her colleague told me about a big screw-up they had. They were doing a piece on a "cheerleader who was a Green Bay Packers fan who had lots of metal work in her mouth". The piece was a "bowl of chili" and it looked like it was sliding off of her. I asked if the girl paid for it and they laughed and were like, "Yeah right." (this last part is from watching LA Ink).

The "F" in Family

2010-04-17T17:17:00.000-04:00

So I was hanging out with a bunch of random people, including the significant other of an ex-boss of mine who I never knew too well in real life. She was talking about how families suck and was like, "We all know what the "F" in family stands for, but what about the rest of it?" We came up with "F.uckin' A....(M)...I.ll-mannered, L.oud (Y)." I don't remember the M or the Y. Somehow there was a list of adjectives with first letters that spelled out "family." And it was really funny and clever. Stupid families!

Bathtub of Boys and Beans

2010-04-16T16:22:00.000-04:00

My hub Mike (M1), our friends Mike (M2) and Andy & I were chilling one evening and M1 & I suggested that we all take a bath together. It was super casual in my dream world, like asking if we should have a fire in the fire pit. I think the idea was basically a poor-man's hot tub. So the boys get down to swim trunks and I'm in a bra and undies and we're wedged in our tub together, all in a row (M1 in front, then me, then Andy, then M2 caboose-ing it). How sad. Andy said he'd like to make some beans for us to share as a snack. He had this dehydrated bean mixture (like a packet of oatmeal) and planned to pour it into the tub, expecting that it would hydrate into a nice little floating pile of refried beans. I didn't think it would work out this way and before I could warn him against the idea, I saw M2 behind him with dehydrated bean mess floating around everywhere. It was gross and the end result was the four of us steeping in a tub of refried beans. The end!

Scary Sexy Superheros

2010-03-24T10:27:00.000-04:00

I was in the woods with 3 friends. I don't know who they were. We were camping, but then saw some terrifying things. Evil Superheros were gathering, all in amazing costumes, flying, and easily killing things. We decided to join them and be spies. I had to wear a hat and wig so they wouldn't recognize me as not one-of-them. We did a "practice run" of evil, that was surprisingly easy. We had to kill some small animals and I found that in this group's presence I could kill easily and even fly a little. Not bad! The woods we were hanging out in were really scary, with haunted trees and caves. These evil scary superheros were actually pretty cool. The leader was an extremely sexy woman. I came up to her and whispered in her ear that I would love to sleep with her and that I was really awesome in bed. Really. Somehow that worked, and she said, "Okay meet me at 3pm on Friday and we'll do it then." When the time came I was very excited and kept adjusting my hat and wig, and started to worry that she would find out that I was a mere mortal and not a superhero, though still good in bed. Unfortunately, she didn't show up.

Beefy Noodles

2010-03-24T00:06:00.000-04:00

Last night I had a dream that Tara made me dinner in my high school. She made "Beef Noodles" or "Beefy Noodles" or something like that. It had three ingredients, one of which I can't remember. The other two were giant wide noodles which were really thick and beef that was the same shape as the noodles. Tara told me that before you cook the beef, you have to slice it in long diagonal lines with the knife moving towards you. Otherwise, it wouldn't taste as good after it was cooked.

There wasn't enough time to eat more than two bites together, which is very similar to the fact that there's never enough time for Tara and I to talk on the phone. Lame.

New Office Episode - "Survey Day"

2010-03-10T14:10:00.000-05:00

I dreamed an entire episode of The Office. It was called "Survey Day," and all the characters were in it, including me! For most of the episode, there were a ton of businessmen in the lobby for a big meeting, and they were all sitting around in suits and carrying briefcases. I remember Meredith and Kelly being all excited about "all the men." I saw Jim sandwiched between a bunch of other businessmen, and, of course, he was making faces at the camera.

At one point, I was in a giant elevator with Pam and I'd left my purse in the lobby, so we had to go up and don a lot to go get it. The elevator had two separate entrances right next to each other, but about ten feet apart. The elevator was like a room in itself, with plants and bookshelves everywhere.

Part of the whole big meeting involved everybody filling out surveys, hence "Survey Day." Each person had a personalized survey with their name on it and questions specific to their lives and jobs. I couldn't find mine, so I decided to fill in all the answers as three-word phrases, like "Haste Makes Waste," and also with Metallica album titles, like "Ride the Lightning."

In the dream, I kept having to double-check to make sure this episode hadn't happened before.

Now is Not the Time, Ozzy Osbourne.

2010-03-08T23:09:00.000-05:00

The other night, I had a really long-seeming dream. I meant to write it down last week but I forgot, so here are some of the details I remember:

I was with my cousin Tony's wife, Jill, and she was driving a van in the neighborhood of my work. She and I and a few other people kept trying to get somewhere, but we seemed to just stay in the same area, still driving. At one point, she brought us to her apartment in Madison, which was very long. She also had two dogs that were blonde and furry. As I looked at them, I thought to myself, "they're just like ____ (in my mind, a combination of bears ad pigs), but much fluffier!"

Later, I was back in the van with Rob, who I know here in Madison. We were with a third person who I didn't know at the time. The third person said he needed to make a stop. We pulled over near these condos on the same street on which I work and he got out. Rob and I were talking, but out of the corner of my eye I saw the third guy standing outside the condos. It was Ozzy Osbourne! He was wearing all black with round, black sunglasses, and he was aiming his remote car starter at a window on the 2nd or 3rd floor. I immediately recognized that as "the sign" for buying pot. Specifically from this guy who's a concert promoter here in town. "Hey!" I yelled indignantly. "He doesn't get to buy pot now! I've got to get to work!"

I was in a hurry to leave, so I figured I'd get out of the van and walk the 8 blocks to work. As I left, Rob gave me a gift - a tennis ball covered in rainbow-colored confetti and streamers.

the ole college try and the perfect restaurant.

2010-03-02T08:38:00.000-05:00

#1 I dreamed that Harrison Ford and I were in college together, and he was himself he wasn't any younger or anything. He and I were walking around trying to find where our dorms were and deciding on roommates.

#2 I dreamed that Linda (my partner) called me on the phone and told me to meet her at a new restaurant she found, which "serves both Italian and Mexican food, they also have a 'cheese selection'."! So I go to meet her and she isn't there yet, so then I also apparently LIVE in the back of this restaurant, and I have a girlfriend in addition to Linda and in my dream I am not troubled by this. So I go down this dirty hallway past the kitchen and go into my apartment. The room is dimly lit and there is a canopy bed with lots of heavy velvet curtains. My girlfriend is on the bed reading and she says "Well it wasn't that bad, it's for teens" referring to the book she was reading, which was Twilight.

Applebees?!

2010-02-22T10:49:00.000-05:00

My dream this morning was so confusing. I was in my parents' family room, laying on the floor beneath two giant comforters; one was the black and white one I have here in Madison, the other was the rainbow-colored hearts one that Sara had on her bed as a kid and is now in my parents' storage room in the basement. I was half trying to sleep and half trying to find several electronics, including my gray hair dryer, my red cd player, and a few other things with long and tangled cords. Everything was all messed up and confusing under the comforters and I couldn't find anything I wanted - I was so frustrated.

During one of the moments in which I was trying to sleep, however, my mom entered the room through the door from the garage, all dressed in a smart black and white pinstriped skirt suit. She said "I'll be back from work around 10:45." But I couldn't figure out if she was talking about AM or PM, and whether it was AM or PM at the moment.

As I kept wishing I could sleep, I noticed that the rest of my family had entered the area. Dad stayed in the kitchen, reading the paper I think. Emil and Sara were both in the family room. Sara was cooking breakfast at the stove (which was also in the family room), which made me believe it was AM. She was also talking to herself a lot as she stared at the pan on the stove, saying things like "No, I won't have one. Okay I will. Just put it aside for me. I don't know, I'm not sure. Just get one for yourself. Put that one over there." I looked at Emil, confused, and asked why she was talking to herself. To which he replied "It's probably because she used to live at that Applebee's." Sara turned to us and said "Oh yeah, I remember, with like 5 other people."

So confusing.

Scary World Take-Over

2010-02-21T15:40:00.001-05:00

I went to high school (I AM ALWAYS IN HIGH SCHOOL IN DREAMS!) and it was super chaotic, but no one would tell me what was going on. I tried to ask a teacher, and she laughed like I was making a joke. After all, how could I *not* know that it was the apocolypse? We weren't allowed to leave, but I needed to see my family. So I ran to my car and drove down a street where all these scary guys in black and orange uniforms were shooting at me with machine guns. Actually they were shooting everywhere. Somehow I managed to get back to the school safe and sound. The people there were like, "Uh, yeah DUH you're not supposed to be driving around cuz you'll OBVIOUSLY get shot." Some people called them terrorists. But it almost seemed like they were not quite human. They were taking over the area and just shooting up everything and everybody. Their war tactics were superior to anything we had, and all police interventions were futile. I dove through some bushes and wore all black. I crept up upon them. I wanted to check out these assholes up close. Almost immediately they caught me. I threw my hands up. "I SURRENDUR!" I started to beg for my life and started to bargain with one of the more sympathetic seeming dudes. I told him I had not only a regular DVD player to give him that he could sell, but I also had a fancy DVD player that could play VHS, DVDs, and some 3rd type of technology. He seemed interested and hesitated. I also offered him my body which he was not interested in. He let me walk ahead of him to give him these goods. Then some of his war buddies started shouting - they needed his help. "Wait here!" he commanded. But as soon as he turned the corner, I RAN as fast as I could, into a random house and hid in a closet.

make-ups

2010-02-21T13:07:00.000-05:00

Last night I dreamt that Reem and I were at a Sephora type store looking specifically for foundation. Trouble was that each brand only had like one bottle of foundation. Some were in locked cases. There were not an array of skin tones, it was like you just had to wander around and hope to find a brand that happened to have a bottle of foundation that was close to your skin tone. So I asked a very gay store clerk (Latino wearing mandarin collar leather jacket) why there were no brands with a selection of foundation. He said "Well after 9-11 women just stopped buying foundation".

Later Reem and I were looking around and the gay store clerks were like freaking out over how good her eye shadow looked. And it DID look great. In my dream I was thinking "WOW Reem combined so many elements and it really makes her eyes look beautiful". What Reem had done was put a different color of eye shadow on each eyelid. On one eye was bright blue on the other was a green blue. She had then blended some grey in the corners and over it she put this very sheer grey silver glitter.

After that in my dream I came to the realization that I look a lot better in more of a matte or stain lip stick than I do in a gloss.

I think that might be true in real life.

Bret Michaels Rocks Out to GnR

2010-02-17T00:52:00.000-05:00

I dreamed I was at a "rock n' roll" concert. It was a Guns N Roses concert from the 80s. Poison opened for them, but that was no big deal. When GnR got on stage, I was somehow able to watch from an angle so I could see the audience. Bret Michaels (singer of Poison) was there watching, and he was totally rocking out. He was wearing his signature bandana around his head, along with some kind of cartoonish pajama pants. He loved GnR. You could tell that it was the greatest thing he'd ever seen. But you could also tell that he was sort of a pansy in a band that looked like a bunch of ladies.

Golf and TMI

2010-02-10T14:02:00.000-05:00

In my dream, I had concrete proof as to why golf was so sucky. I have no idea what it was.

I also dreamed I had a UTI (TMI, right?) and the doctor called my mom to tell her about it. My Dad perscribed me some medicine and I had to drive an hour over a bridge that looked like the Golden Gate Bridge to the area south of Chicago. The sky and lake were sparkling blue and everything was beautiful, but the UTI really made it all annoying.

A Shot of Crystal Meth

2010-01-08T13:09:00.001-05:00

The other night I had a dream that I was with my friend Wendy, standing on the front stoop of somebody's house. This guy I know cam up to us, looking all shady, and held out a tiny silver shot glass. It was "a shot of crystal meth" and Wendy and I were supposed to share it. I decided not to take it, since I had to go to work soon. I'm so boring...

reception and flying

2010-01-07T23:02:00.000-05:00

mike and i were at a wedding reception, i think, with our favorite band and their girlfriends and crew. they were guests, too. we were all dressed up, sipping cocktails in a giant, old ballroom, having a grand time. good ol' friendsies.

the next day i was snooping around the venue and was in a large office-y storage area. it was all white with lots of windows wrapped around it and some desks and boxes scattered here and there. somehow, i realized that i could fly. i sort of leaped off something and soared by curving my spine and arms. i believe this was based on a real-life experience where i tried one of those sky-diving simulators and you bend and arch and such to speed your fall or slow it down.

the large room had those weird, white ceiling tiles and i accidentally soared up too quickly and bumped into the ceiling which caused the ceiling tiles of the whole room to shift off the grid. i felt sheepish and quietly left before anyone could come and notice.

when describing this dream to mike today, two uncanny things occurred. first, when i was trying to compare the ballroom to one he could reference, i couldn't think of the name of the damn eagles ballroom in oskhosh. he blindly guessed "the eagles?" and i was all, "yeah!." that was only a little uncanny. but then! he said that he had a dream about those white ceiling tiles, last night, too. ooooooo. something about installing them. so we were laying right next to each other dreaming about ceiling tiles. but i could fly and he couldn't.

and now, here's a video of my favorite band, state radio.

like unlike

2010-01-02T13:21:00.000-05:00

I had a dream that I was on facebook and that besides being able to 'like' something you could also 'scoot' it. And I have no idea what this meant but it was pretty awesome.

Nothing Better to Do

2009-12-31T09:46:00.000-05:00

I was at some kind of school assembly that was taking place in a big field. There were hundreds of chairs organized in very neat rows, and a big square stage at the center of them all. I sat down in a row right behind some of my friends. Some music started playing, and even though I didn't recognize it, I knew when to begin singing and what lyrics and tune to sing. As soon as I started singing, I realized it was "Rosanna" by Toto. I looked up to check out the band that was playing it, and realized the lead singer of this band was the actual lead singer from the band Toto! I thought to myself, "he probably has nothing better to do." Also, he looked nothing like him in real life.

Later, my row of chairs was removed from the group by some kind of forklift, and then I was in the car with my brother Emil and cousin Luai, looking for a wedding gift for a cousin of ours in London. We drove to a part of Madison I'd never been to. There were several Arabic stores and a Home Depot. The street name started with the letter B. Emil picked out an ugly necklace as a gift, which I didn't really like, but I kept my mouth shut because I was bored and wanted to leave the store.

Choreographed Dance

2009-12-30T11:22:00.000-05:00

I was abroad. A semester somewhere in Africa. I rode an elephant on the highway. He could go up to 45 mph. It was really fun.

Then I was at home on vacation. Some girl had a great idea. She decided to make our cats do a choreographed dance! We dressed them in nun outfits and they sang and danced. I said, "my mom will LOVE this - she loves singing nuns." This morphed into a group of college students doing a choreographed dance for their parents. It became huge. The song was very generic, but the audience knew it and sang along. I had the great idea to do a "punk rock verse" after the normal version of the song. I gave one of the performers a denim jacket I had in college with some band patches on it.

The show went great. I was the conductor, but instead of a stick I had some long dangly thing that kept hitting me in the arm. The students did great and each time they sang it it was bigger and better. At the end they got into a pyramid and held up flags. Then...Punk rock version! I shouted "1-2-3-4!" and they all danced around and for some reason stripped down to their underwear.

Afterwards we ate dinner and someone's dad saw one of the performing college students walking home in the snow in just his boxers. He said, "That guy is an idiot."

I'll Never Get Into Harvard

2009-12-29T20:48:00.000-05:00

I got my fingers pierced. One finger on each hand. Kind of like a gem on the finger minus the ring. Later it turned into pierced wrists, like a stud on the outside of each wrist. It actually looked really cool. Kind of like this picture, but not quite.

I was hanging out with my college friends. We were all getting dressed up and showered and ready to go out. Helen said some nuns flirted with her. Someone I went to college with and can't remember her name right now was mad at me because she knocked on the door but I did not hear it so she had to wait. Sorry!

While I was in the shower, something weird and sexual happened. This girl I have not seen in probably 4 years saw me and informed me that due to the sexual incident, she would not be my friend anymore. I denied anything that happened, but she looked at me with pity and said no more friendship.

Then we were all at Harvard then at a fancy luncheon. I spilled my water or coffee all over the table. I got as many napkins as I could to clean it up, but it was quite a mess. This official lady came over to whisper to me, "Are you okay?" I said sure, I was fine. She looked at me with pity and said, "Well...The spilling thing..." And it was clear I could kiss my chance at Harvard good bye.

The Brother Totonchi

2009-12-24T21:09:00.000-05:00

I dreamed that I was meeting Emil, Reem's brother (and Sarah's, though I've not yet met Sarah either), for the very first time. For some reason I was in a hurry and really did not have time for this visit but thought I'd pop in briefly. When I got there (Reem's place?), they were sitting around a tv. I was introduced and then said that I had to get going pretty soon. Emil begged me to stay, saying that we had to play some video game together. I don't especially enjoy being put on the spot to play video games I've never played with people who play them all the time (in awake life) but I didn't want to be rude. I stayed and played a game or two and Emil was soooo happy. He was smiley and bouncy.

A Day in DeKalb

2009-12-21T10:27:00.000-05:00

I dreamed I was with my friend Genia, visiting her hometown of DeKalb, IL. I've been to DeKalb numerous times in real life, but in my dream, I never had. In this dream, it was a booming city, really; there were two very tall buildings, one of which was painted with white and multi-colored checkers on the outside. We drove around in a car and I sat in the backseat with my head out the window like a dog, and I was fascinated with the city streets we passed.

Down one street, it looked like an olde-timey sort of area; old brown brick buildings with awnings and a lot of pharmacies. This one street had about 300 signs coming off buildings. Like this:

They each said the name of what kind of business it was, like "DENTIST," "STORE," "SHOES," and "TOYS," all in capital letters and written vertically. They were al different colors and overlapped with each other. It was amazing.

Down another street was two gigantic casinos. In a third location there was a coffee shop that's entrance was a giant octopus. Sort of like the Vortex in Atlanta, who's entrance is a giant skull:

There was other stuff that went on, but it mostly involved Genia and I drinking in a shitty bar and meeting two guys who tried to steal my two dollars worth of quarters. I'm not gonna dignify those dicks with anymore attention. So there!

The Longest Fart

2009-12-17T11:30:00.001-05:00

Uh oh! I had a dream in which I was laying on a couch and my friend was sitting on the floor. I knew I had to fart, so I let out just a teensy bit, but it ended up being really loud! As soon as I realized it would be loud, I said "fuck it" and let it fly on its own - NO LIMITATIONS. TO THE EXTREME. Anyhow, that fart lasted forever! It just didn't stop! My friend looked up at me and said "Whoa!" and I was laughing and saying "I know! I know!" but I couldn't stop farting. It was one extremely long fart without a break. I think it must have lasted a couple of minutes.

Never Ending Store

2009-12-11T16:17:00.000-05:00

I was shopping for a xmas gift for my gf. I went into a "cool" store that had like band t-shirts and cds and stuff. I was looking at the t-shirts for a while. Then I walked around the store. It grew and grew. I went down a level and saw beer. One of my old students was there looking at beer and we talked. Then I went back up to the shirts and looked at sex toys but they were very expensive and I knew some of the people in the store so I was self-conscious. I went back down a level. It was HUGE. I said, "I never knew this part of the store existed!" Someone said, "This floor is only open on Fridays." I was walking very fast; kind of stressed because I wanted to find the perfect gift and only had a certain ammount of time. There were stoned people everywhere. The nice chill ladies working said, "Chill out, take your time." They were selling very weird pipes and bongs with "legal bud". Some teenagers bought some and I asked if it was any good - they said yes but you had to smoke it "on the right axis." I tried to smoke some but they only had really weird looking pipes. I tried one that looked like a bird. One was really long and skinny like a chop-stick. Then I kept walking around the store. In one section they were giving someone tattoos. Then I found a cool row of weird toys. They were really cool looking - stuffed strawberries with faces and things. Kind of like these:
but different. Finally I left to go home and opened my bag. All I bought was a stupid obscure band t-shirt for some group I never even heard of. My gf wouldn't like that.

Luai Has a Mohawk

2009-12-03T10:48:00.000-05:00

I dreamed that Luai had a mohawk. It looked pretty good.

That's it!

Jess Meets My Mom

2009-11-30T10:24:00.000-05:00

I dreamed that my mom and I were driving around Madison in her car. We needed to stop by my friend Jess's house to drop off one box of Girl Scout cookies, even though I wasn't sure if they were hers or not. My mom pulled up and I jumped out of the car while she turned it around and parked it on the side of the street. I saw Jess in front of her house and handed her the box of cookies. She said she had something funny to show me. I was, of course, intrigued.

She held out a white tshirt and shook it so I could see what was on it. There was a giant Mickey Mouse and the phrase "If you fly this often, sometimes you have to reach for the ground." It was some kind of play on words in my dream, and it was referencing some other phrase about "reaching for the stars." We laughed and laughed and talked about how funny it was. She was giving it to me as a joke gift, and I was like "No! I don't want it! It's stupid!" and we laughed and laughed some more.

Then my mom came strolling up the walk. "Oh good," I thought. "She'll get to meet Jess and Mike." I looked at Jess to introduce her to my mom, but suddenly Jess gasped the word "DISNEY!" and was looking at my mom in horror. My mom was wearing the very tshirt we had been making fun of! "Um, this is my mom, Louise," I told Jess as I watched her hurriedly fold up the tshirt she was holding. They shook hands and everything was lovely and cordial.

I was happy that my mom and my friend were getting along so well and chatting like old buddies, so I'm not sure why I turned into a total asshole at this moment. I interrupted the conversation and asked Jess "So what's that tshirt you're holding?" She looked at me with a sort of "what the hell?" look and held it out to me. The whole time I was thinking "Why am I doing this?!" but I kept going. The shirt had transformed and the phrase was now written in French on the back of the shirt. My mom thought nothing of it and everybody was friends in the end. Whew. Sorry, Jess, that I was such a d-bag. This will not happen in real life. I promise.

Thin Ice

2009-11-29T23:07:00.000-05:00

I dreamed that I was in a big house in what seemed to be a kids playroom. I was putting away toys and talking to someone. For some reason I had to leave and went outside. I was in the middle of a big warehouse district at night, there were big lights around the buildings. The house I was in was actually a factory of some sort and it was located next to a big lake. It was winter and starting to snow.

I started walking out onto the frozen lake that was covered with snow. I was talking on the phone to someone and telling them about Wisconsin winters. I was explaining how the lakes freeze and you can walk out onto the ice. I laid down in the middle of the lake in a pile of the fluffy snow talking. I told the person on the phone that you have to be careful when you are on the lake because certain parts do not freeze all the way. As I was talking I started to feel my body sinking a little. I realized I was laying on a part that was not completely frozen and my leg started to sink into the water. I started moving, carefully, to try and get to a part that was more frozen. I noticed the weather was getting warmer and warmer and the snow around me was melting fast. I was crawling- trying to get to the edge of the lake as fast as I could. All around me the ice was melting and sinking into the water. I crawled to the edge just as I was sinking into the water. I pulled myself up by the roots on the edge of the bank that was full of trees. I was able to stand up facing the lake and hold onto the trees with my arms to keep from falling in. I watched as the water kicked up huge waves.

A storm was starting. The waves were huge and crashing all over. The waves were picking up cars, that seemed to be coming out of the water, and throwing them into the air. They would come crashing down and water would splash everywhere. The wind was so strong that cars were being thrown around and one came flying towards me. I was able to move away quickly holding onto the trees as I walked. I thought to myself that I was stuck there because I forgot to take this little plastic toy with me that I had been holding onto in the kids playroom. If only I had that little toy then I could call for help. But then I realized I had my cell phone. I looked around at the edge of the lake and across thinking there was no way someone could come get me. I looked to the right and saw there was nothing to walk on if I tried to walk that way. To my left I could hold onto the trees and walk along the edge of the bank. I started walking along the edge holding onto trees as the waves crashed and flung cars around behind me. Once I got most of the way around the lake the bank turned into a brick walkway and widened. I was able to easily walk by the crashing waves and cars and back to the warehouse.

I woke up from my dream right when I opened the door to the warehouse.

Brosephs and Bathrooms

2009-11-27T12:12:00.001-05:00

I had a dream that I was at a house where a bunch of duders lived. I am not sure why I was there, but I had a few suitcases with me. I was looking for one of the guys that lived in the house, but couldn't find him anyway. I walked through all kinds of rooms and doors. I ran into one of the other guys who lived in the house and realized it was someone I had dated in high school. He had been pretty devastated by our breakup and I realized in the dream that he still liked me. I thought, this is not going to be fun. I kept searching for this guy and when I got back into the living room one of the other roommates in the house was going through my suitcase! I was so pissed because he had put on one of my vintage dresses and was dancing around in it obnoxiously. I yelled at him to take it off because he was "stretching it out!!!" He took it off and picked up another one and put that on and danced around in it. I was so mad. I looked around to see if anyone would tell their stupid roommate to leave me shit alone only to see that my ex was in the room organizing a bookshelf, he clearly did not care. So I started searching for the guy I had been looking for again. Also I had to go to the bathroom so I was kind of looking for both. I opened a door to a storage room and when I closed the door to walk away my ex was standing behind me and made a face, like "ha, that's not the bathroom." What a jerk. I finally found the bathroom, but the door was shut and locked! The guy I was looking for the whole time was in there!!! Then I woke up.

Greasy Hair and Tiny Paper Airplanes

2009-11-26T15:09:00.000-05:00

I was with my friend Christopher in some kind of outdoorsy camp. We walked into a building that looked just like the basement of the old Arabic church we used to go to. He sat on one couch and I sat on another. A wrestler or boxer or something sat on the arm of the couch Christopher was sitting on; he wanted to show us how greasy his hair was. He took off his hat and shook out his hair, shaking grease everywhere. Some landed on Christopher's yellow shirt, in little spots. He stood up, pissed. I knew there was about to be a fight...

Or so I thought! Both men stood up, facing each other, eye to eye. The wrestler/boxer proclaimed that he would be the one to decide what the "challenge" would be. So it was to be a challenge rather than a fight! This is much better...Anyhow, Wrestler/Boxer decided they'd do a competition with paper airplanes. They'd each stand across the room, facing each other, and one would throw a paper airplane at the other, who would then have to catch it. If he caught it, he'd win. That was that.

"This'll be easy!" I thought to myself. Until! You know there's gotta be a catch. Wrestler/Boxer got to pick out which piece of paper he used for the paper airplane! He walked towards a crowd of people and picked a tiny post-it note off the wall. The crowd oohed and aahed as Christopher and I looked on, worried. He was a daring and cunning foe, this Wrestler/Boxer.

With a sly look upon his face, he folded the tiny post-it into an even tinier paper airplane, and the two men took their places. My stomach flipped over and over, and for some reason, a movie played on an old television on the floor. It was all of a sudden understood that the paper airplane would be thrown as soon as the end credits of the movie were over. Suddenly, the credits were over and the lights dimmed. Wrestler/Boxer threw the miniscule airplane and it spiraled out of control. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Christopher dive for it and land behind an old brown couch. Silence filled the room as he emerged from behind the couch, a crumpled paper airplane in his hand. Cheers erupted and I went to hug him. We immediately headed out of the room, arm in arm. He was wearing my red sweater.

Short, Sweet, Etc.

2009-11-22T00:12:00.001-05:00

I had a dream that I was dating Jim from The Office. We were hanging out with a big group of people; either my family, or the cast from the office. We sat together on a big, soft, green couch. He had his arm around me and I sat close to him. All of a sudden, he farted! I could tell only because I felt it through the couch. I looked at him, and he did that look he does when he looks right at the camera with his eyebrows raised.

I'm talking about the first face he makes in this video:

Really, Jim? You make that face even after you fart?

Short but Not So Sweet

2009-11-21T18:10:00.000-05:00

I had a dream that my hair was UGLY.
Then I woke up in real life and my hair was UGLY.

so simple part 2

2009-11-15T23:20:00.000-05:00

Just like kittymodern only 3 days ago, I too had a dream that I understood football! I felt all relieved while I was watching it, like "Riiiiight. THIS is how they get points. Field goals."

I can't believe of all things that could be themes on this blog, it is FOOTBALL. I'm a little amazed and disappointed in us.

Flavor Flav and the Magical Barn

2009-11-13T10:16:00.000-05:00

I dreamed that I lived in a beautiful old farmhouse that had so much potential if I only had the time to work on it. It had this rundown but charming barn behind it that was my favorite part.

I had to leave my farmhouse to run a benefit for Georgians for Alternatives to the Death Penalty. We fed people southern barbecue there. In the middle of my speech Flavor Flav started heckling me and being a total jerk. He offended everyone and people started leaving. I started crying at the podium and then ran backstage.

When I saw Flav in the hallway I yelled at him "you cost us $10,000!! you have to give me a $10,000 donation to make up for this!" Then I made myself a to-go plate of barbecue and went home.

When I got home I saw that my friends had all been working on the barn - they turned it into a magical wonderland place with chinese lanterns, lots of blue ceramic tile and antiques on shelves. Ela had built a sweat lodge inside the barn and Mica had assembled a tea party with old cast iron tea kettles.

so simple.

2009-11-12T22:39:00.000-05:00

I had a dream that I understood football.

Senators and Homeless People

2009-11-03T09:59:00.000-05:00

I dreamed last night that my college diploma was deemed invalid so I had to go back to Berry College to take an economics class. The Chairman of Georgia's Senate Judiciary Committee (a friend) was my economics professor. Berry College is huge (the biggest campus in the world actually) and I couldn't find my shoes and it made me move around like molasses. And apparently the City of Atlanta decided to solve its homelessness problem by dropping off all these street people at Berry. They kept chasing me. The Chairman/economics professor drove an SUV and picked me up as I was being chased. I was grateful, but then I saw another state senator who I hate was in the front seat - this guy spits when he talks and gets bright red and sounds like a lunatic ranting and raving- very unpleasant. So I got back out of the SUV- I chose homeless chasers over crazy Senator Wiles!!!!

Dead Animals. Awesome.

2009-10-30T23:56:00.000-04:00

This morning during one of the five-minute stints between my snooze alarm, I had a dream. I was in my bedroom but was aware and could hear that there was a group of people in my kitchen. I knew they were making a huge mess, and I was dreading going out there. I wanted them to leave. After much anxiety, I finally went out to the kitchen where three or four guys were standing. It was an absolutely mess; dirty dishes, broken eggs, beer spilled all over the floor...gross. I resigned myself to the fact that I'd have to clean up the mess, and I opened the refrigerator to begin putting away things. When I opened the door, I saw, laying on the shelf, a dead skunk. "Who put this here?" I exclaimed? As I looked at all these men, I saw something out of the corner of my eye. There was a dead possum on the couch. I looked to one man in particular (who I barely know in real life) and asked him to help me clean up. He held up his hands and waved his fingers in the air. "I can't," he replied, "I have to play a gig later." I screamed at him that he was bullshit. Then my alarm went off.

Dirty Cocaine, Making Out, Band Trip

2009-10-19T10:03:00.000-04:00

My little sister was acting like an a-hole. I figured out it was because she was doing the cocaine. I asked her about it and she explained it was "dirty cocaine" so you had to cut it VERY carefully to make sure there were no "fingernails" or human particles in it. (This makes me want to barf). Nevertheless, I tried some and then regretted it, as I was about to embark on a band/orchestra trip because I was suddenly in high school again.

The orchestra trip was like a work conference with lots of team builders. There was one activity we did that was like "red light, green light" and everyone was annoyed that we had to do it. There were 2 cute girls in the room that I had my eye on. We had a 5 minute break, so I went to buy a drink for a cute girl. I ran outside to a bar next door. Their menu had fancy martinis on it for only $4 or $5 - I wanted to get 2 "marshmallow fluff martinis" but the waitress was being slow, so I ran back to the group, sans drinks. Finally the activity was done, and I asked a cute girl if she wanted to hang out with me.

She was like "yes" and started making out with me! It was cool. Then we were in Philadelphia but did not know where to go. So I asked my friend Matt who lives there where to go - we stopped by his house. He was making an extremely tall structure out of cardboard and it looked amazing. I don't think I got to make out anymore.

Not Enough Microphones

2009-10-08T13:19:00.000-04:00

I was watching a star-studded celebrity cast singing a song. It seemed sort of like We Are the World. All the celebrities were standing behind a plastic window, singing into microphones, wearing headphones. I noticed Danny Wood from the New Kids on the Block singing with them. After a minute, he walked away from the group and approached four men sitting on black plastic chairs. They seemed like an audience, watching the rest of the singers. As it turns out, this group of four men was...the other New Kids! All of them: Donnie, Jordan, Joe, and Jonathan. Danny handed the mic to Jonathan, and he took Danny's place in the celebrity group. It turns out, the producers of this event didn't have enough microphones because they couldn't afford them, so the New Kids were all taking turns. Very sad...

Little Boy Gangsters

2009-10-06T09:17:00.000-04:00

there was a mean gang of children and they were marching down the road. they looked like characters from "newsies." one little boy who was walking along the side had been burned badly in some incident by the other gang members, on purpose. i felt bad for this boy. he wasn't as "bad" as the others in the gang...just misguided. as he was walking, he looked back and saw the main gang member being pushed by another member in an oven that looked like it was converted to be a carriage. the boy was surprised to see this and approached them to ask what happened. the boy in the oven-carriage was super mean and his face was all pussy and crusty from being burned. he told the other boy that it was none of his business and hocked two gigantic loogies at the other boy's face. that's the end but i got a sense of knowing that the nicer boy would die of infection from being spit on because of his burns.

Bears

2009-10-04T22:26:00.000-04:00

It's all very vague...I remember that I was going to be attacked by a grizzly bear. I knew that once I was attacked, I'd die. I walked around and kept running into bears. I thought each and every one would be a grizzly, but they all ended up being small black or brown bears. I was terrified, and I didn't want to die, but I knew it was inevitable. I knew that at some point I'd be attacked by a grizzly bear. I spent the whole dream being really scared and walking around looking for bears, getting ready to die.

Bags in the Toilet

2009-09-29T11:15:00.000-04:00

I am having the grossest dreams lately. Ugh. So last night I dreamed this:

"It's finally time to take care of this toilet," I thought to myself. What I needed to do: remove two plastic bags that had been lining the inside of the toilet. Apparently, one had been lining the entire toilet bowl under where the water goes. And the other was fixed so somehow everything that got deposited into the toilet went into this bag. These were plastic shopping bags, by the way. Like what one might get at the grocery store.

Removing the first bag was easy. I just sort of pulled it out. But that second one...ooh, it was in there good! I started pulling on one of the handles, hoping it would all just come out magically. Instead, all this pee splashed everywhere, got on me, and everything sucked. NOT sexy results, I tell you. No way.

After I got the bag out, the toilet started to overflow. Of course. Water and pee were everywhere. I remember feeling very defeated and half-hearted as I picked up the soggy bath mat and hung it to dry. Waa waa!

Goldie Hawn's Pubes

2009-09-25T14:24:00.001-04:00

Okay, get ready to barf. Yes, I know, I gave it away with the title. But here we go anyhow.

Last night, I dreamed that I was watching a movie with Angie and Jacob. It starred Goldie Hawn, and the plot was that she was old. Seriously, that was the plot. In the movie, she said some line that sounded like "You think that's bad?! Check this out!" And then, my friends, she did it. She lifted her dress and all we could see was her pubes. For real. Vagina and pubes. And, to top it all off, she had some sort of tribal henna tattoo in a ring over her pubes. And to make matters worse, the scene in which she held up her dress was like an hour long. Barf-o-matic, Goldie!!!

Dudes. Sick.

Prince Valium

2009-09-22T09:41:00.001-04:00

I dreamed that when Alex came over to pick me up, he had gotten his hair cut like Prince Valium, the sleepy prince from Spaceballs. You know, the guy that Druish Princess Vespa was supposed to marry before Lone Star and Barf saved her. That old guy. Anyway, Alex looked just like him, bangs, hair curled under at the ends and maybe even a little lip gloss.

I looked at him in horror- I could not understand why he would do such a thing to his appearance. Reading my mind he says "You wanted me to try to be more fashionable." He became more and more amused the more I stared in horror. He batted his luxurious eyelashes at me, puckered his shiny lips and started to sing, "America, FUCK YEAH!" his favorite line from Team America. This guy with a Prince Valium haircut is taunting me?!?!

I just stood there wondering if we really had to leave the house that night.

Loved by God in a Minivan

2009-09-20T19:31:00.000-04:00

I dreamed I was at one of my student/family's houses, giving them groceries. The father of the family (who is not the father in real life) was small and creepy and had unwashed hair. He rushed around the house trying to find me a bottle of wine. I wondered if I'd ever get kidnapped and hidden in their basement.

We got in their minivan and drove around the neighborhood. They had just moved in and were unfamiliar with their surroundings. Emil was in the minivan too; he sat in the row behind the mother and I. At one point, we passed some old sheds or garages or something and Emil talked about the historical importance of them. Later, we passed a church, and the mother said that she hoped it would be a good church for her family. Emil started rolling his eyes and questioning her faith. I gave him a look that was meant to say "chill out and be respectful, these are my clients." At that point, the mother put her arm around me, leaned over, and told me:

God loves you. God will always love you.

I kept nodding and saying "I know, I know." And I smiled a lot.

That was really nice.

German Note.

2009-09-16T08:32:00.000-04:00

I was of course standing in front of the the refrigerated dairy section (yogurt) in the grocery store and my friend Mr. Rogers came up to me and handed me a letter that I had sent to a friend of mine that had arrived in the mail. On the envelope I had written in large letters in permanent marker Life is Imhoffgurd. Which was apparently a 'German' word.

Mr Rogers was smirking and I said "I wrote that word but I don't even know what it means.". Mr Rogers obviously knew what it meant but was too shy/embarrassed to say it. Just them my friend Rachel walked up to the yogurt display and I handed the letter to her and she said "it means that in life you will play the role of 'kitten' in sexual role playing"

Giant Slide and Colors

2009-09-03T13:16:00.000-04:00

I was on some sort of obstacle course with my siblings. We were on a family vacation, and this was one of the sights we stopped at. We went through several victorian-looking houses and stopped at various booths. The two I remember were:

1) A manicure station. It was being run by somebody's dad. I didn't really want to have my nails painted, but I knew they would end up being pink with a design on the thumb. I then went through all the colors in my head and decided what colors the design on that color should be. It was like this: red goes with black, white, and silver; orange with black, white, and gold; yellow with black, white, and silver; green with black, white, and gold, etc. For some reason, when I think about these colors now that I'm awake, the combinations look different than they did in the dream. Everything looked better, matched better, were more vibrant in my dream.

2) A giant slide. It took about 1 and 1/2 minutes to go all the way down. It was a double slide (two right next to each other) and had a tunnel over parts of it. Emil went down first, and I followed him. It was very relaxing.

Co-Workers: Sexual and Violent

2009-08-29T11:32:00.000-04:00

Last night I dreamed about 2 (recent) co-workers.

The first one shared a room with me. She asked me if I minded if she had sex in the room. I said I didn't care. In the dream I woke to her and a gentleman friend "getting it on." The funny thing was that first I heard them discussing code words that referred to different sexual acts. But the words were totally random. I WISH I could remember them. It was like, "Hippopotomous," "Cotton Ball," and "Hypothermia." So all I heard was moaning and saying these different words over and over again.

Later I was with a different co-worker. I found out she was evil. She kept a child on a scary S/M-like collar and leash for ten years and was abusive. I couldn't figure out why no one reported this to the police, so I ran to the police and told them even though she told me not to. They came quickly and took her away. She turned to me and said, "FUCK YOU!"

Wedding Party

2009-08-28T19:51:00.000-04:00

Recently I was at Mark and Alexa's wedding. In my dream I was at their wedding but it was different. No one danced, and it was stiff and formal. Then I realized it was Andy's wedding. I don't know who he was marrying. Then it was back to Mark and Alexa's. I gave a gift - a "bouquet of balloons" - each balloon was inflated a little with some water, fish, and crickets. Unfortunately, I forgot about them for a while. So by the time I was giving it to Andy, the fish and crickets were dead and it was really gross. Also I gave the DJ 5 cds to play. The first song was a Guns and Roses song which "pumped up the group" and helped the party be less formal. I left the party. Then I was upset because I realized I left my cds. Besides the Guns and Roses, I also had contributed X and The Muffs. I don't remember what the other 2 cds were. But I got a text from Andy saying, "Did I tell you I already have The Muffs' cd?" - basically implying that it was an unnecessary contribution. That along with the dead-cricket-fish-balloon-bouquet and I kind of felt like I didn't do so great.

BeatleJuice

2009-08-28T19:48:00.000-04:00

I dreamed I was in BeatleJuice. It wasn't a movie, it was real life. Beatle Juice was very scary.

Product Marketing of my Childhood Takes Over my Dreamworld

2009-08-26T10:25:00.000-04:00

I dreamed that my siblings and cousins and I lived on "islands" at Disneyland. They were shaped like giant snow globes without walls and they rotated. Each island had a different theme, for example Luai's was covered in giant mushrooms similar to the ones in Super Mario Brothers, Layla's was My Little Pony and Emil's was Go-Bots. Mine was Care Bears and my bed was a giant cloud.

As I lay in the bed I thought about how heavenly this place is and how I should bring a souvenir back for my friend. I look at my nightstand and see a sterling silver Smurf figurine. "Perfect!" I think to myself as I snatch it up and put it in my pocket.

Later I meet my family in the "family room" (which looks like the family room at my parents' house) for breakfast. Everyone had paper plates. Reem had three biscuits and a waffle. Luai had fresh-baked cinnamon buns and bacon. I was more jealous of Luai.

Russell Simmons, Mom, and I in the Minivan

2009-08-25T20:10:00.000-04:00

Well sir, I had a funny dream last night. I dreamed that Russell Simmons was driving my mother and I around in a minivan. He sat in the driver's seat, and mom and I sat in the way back.

We got pulled over because none of us were wearing seat belts. Russell insisted it was racial profiling. Later, we competed in vaguely olympic-like events that required wearing backpacks and crossing a room that looked like a pool with no water.

An Emo Dream with Wallpaper and Tears

2009-08-24T11:47:00.000-04:00

I was at my new job. But it was different - our job was putting up wallpaper but there was also a daycare center. I was self-conscious because one client was well-to-do and there was only one bathroom to use - in her bedroom. But it turned out she was very nice.

Then I was hanging out with my friends from college. KD was there. (In real life I'm a little obsessed). He was crying so I gave him a big hug. I was crying too. I told him, "Sometimes I get a little depressed." He said, "We all do."

Sand Tiger Sharks on the Lawn

2009-08-20T00:14:00.000-04:00

I dreamed that I was trying to leave for work from a house I was living in with my sister. I was in a rush because I had three back to back meetings in the morning which was also true in real life today.

As I was trying to pull out from the driveway I realized there were carcasses of sand tiger sharks all over the lawn and blocking driveway. They looked like real sand tigers with their mouths stuck open because of their jagged teeth but more rubbery skin.

Reem and I decided to call in "the authorities" to move the dead beasts. They took forever to arrive so we decided to try to pull them out by tying a rope from them to the back of my car. When I backed out the rope yanked and pulled out their rows of teeth completely from their mouths. We spent a long time looking at the teeth and their mouths close up.

I then realized it was 1:30pm and that I was hours late for all three of my meetings. I got back in my car and drove real fast, thinking about how no one was going to believe why I was late today.

Hacker Hate

2009-08-09T11:46:00.000-04:00

I dreamed last night that some asshole hacked my blogs. I've been getting a lot of hate comments on 2 of my blogs (see Firebird and Reynoldstown Building) by someone who think I am someone else- specifically they think I am the artist behind the Blah Girl tag, which I am not, and state that repeatedly on my blogs. My guess is that this person is part of this group of self-proclaimed graffiti vigilantes who have even been known to hide in trees and jump out and attack taggers in Cabbagetown in Atlanta. Weird, huh?

Anyway, the dream was that this person had hacked into my account and taken down all the content and replaced it with really obscene, offensive statements about me. I'm sure that this is because even though I have stopped approving this person's comments he (I am 100% sure its a guy) still tries posting them. They are really crass, rude and attempt to intimidate me. But similar to his rating in our local weekly as the 5th Most Uninfluential Person in Atlanta, his attempts have been more irritating than intimidating to me.

In the dream I was really anxious about losing all my writing and photos and immediately started scrambling to see if i could recreate it all. I think I might back up my blogs this week.

Podcast of One Second Time Machine on WKRS!

2009-08-03T23:02:00.001-04:00

Alright, alright, it's not ALL about the One Second Time Machine, but it's still cool. There's a link up on the WKRS website. Just go to www.1220wkrs.com and click on PODCASTS on the left and choose That New WKRS Show with Patrick Read Johnson, Amy Barnett, and Mike Pawlak. Our "mention" is under the interview with Dr. Arthur Bernard. FAMOUS!!!

http://www.1220wkrs.com/

We're Famous! In Waukegan, At Least...

2009-08-01T17:59:00.000-04:00

Just kidding, we're totally not. But I did want to share that today, our very own Luai hosted a radio show in Illinois on WKRS 1220 AM. His guest was Dr. Arthur Bernard, an expert on dream work. Lucky me, I got to call in and ask him about some of the dreams I've had and posted on here. Luai and I also got to promote the One Second Time Machine a bit - yay!

It was tough to pick just on dream to talk about, so I asked Dr. Bernard about all the petrified animal dreams I've had. I had five of them all between September 2008 - January 2009, and they have all involved observing animals "freeze," in some way. Check this dream, which links to the four others. He explained that dreams are often symbolic of other things, like that these animals really represented my feelings, not necessarily actual animals. He said that the petrifying aspect could be me trying to let out my feelings and getting scared at the last moment, thus, the dreams/animals freezing and, although not quite dying, not being completely carried out. Interesting, eh?

Luai was a fantastic radio host and asked why eating right before we sleep makes our dreams so crazy. To be honest, I can't remember the answer to this. But Dr. Bernard was pretty informative. I'd be interested in checking out his book and looking through some of the dreams you crazy people have posted on here in the last year or so. Ya know, find out about all your feelings....

We're hoping that a recoding of the interview will be included on one of Dr. Bernard's future podcasts, so if that happens, we'll let you know. In the meantime, check out Dr. Bernard's website!

a little hazy

2009-07-31T14:24:00.000-04:00

i was with someone i knew (perhaps the hub?) and we were traveling somewhere. i recall a large coliseum-type structure that we were in the neighborhood of. i think we meant to be at the coliseum but we had lost my sister who was with us. before we lost her, the three of us were looking for my mom. i remember thinking that we shouldn't have let my sister just go around the corner to look for our mom for a minute, because that's how we then lost my sister. so, we popped into random places as we were looking for my sister (screw looking for my mom at this point, i guess). one place we went into was a small, dark house. by then, i was carrying a tiny baby with me. it wasn't my baby - it seemed to be a friend's baby, i think. i put it down on a kitchen table, all swaddled and laying there. i opened up what was a bedroom door and saw a young woman against the wall across the room, crouched down with her arms folded around her knees. i felt intrusive so closed the door right away, then thought that perhaps she was in trouble as she looked sad or scared. so i opened up the door. this time, people appeared from other sides of the room and said, "maybe she can help us." they were debating having an orgy and that one girl was having second thoughts. it was very pragmatic, actually. she wasn't uncomfortable with the act itself - it was more like she just didn't know if she knew *how* to have an orgy. i'm not sure i was much help but the group came out of the room and i think one of them was perez hilton and he and i talked a bit. he was very chatty and a little flamboyant. i then went back to the baby and was able to catch it right before it was about to roll off the table.

Living With My Friend's GIrlfriend

2009-07-31T11:04:00.000-04:00

I dreamed I was standing in my apartment in Madison, only it was a different apartment than I live in now. It had a big, old looking, wooden bed with a quilt on it. The quilt looked like something you'd see in a real "American" bed and breakfast or something. Sort of like this, but not such a big pattern in the middle:

I was with my friend and his girlfriend, standing in the apartment, when I realized that this girlfriend was moving out of this apartment. I didn't even know she lived there! SHe had packed up most of her things already and would be gone that day.

I looked at her and my friend, and looked back at the bed, and wondered where she slept. I couldn't remember ever having shared a bed with her. "Did you ever sleep here?" I asked her. She smiled, but didn't answer me.

I also wondered where she put all her clothes, since I have both closets full of clothes and shoes and purses and junk (this is true in real life; I have two regular sized closets that are totally full). A door opened to another room I'd never before seen. It was like a dressing room and had all her clothes and a sewing machine inside. Off of that room, there was yet another room that had a giant furnace in it. For some reason, when I looked at it, I exclamined "We have laundry in here! I can't believe I didn't know that!" I was so excited because of the convenience, but then I immediately felt lazy since I did have laundry (just like in real life), it's just down in the basement. So lazy!

Lia's Dream

2009-07-26T11:53:00.001-04:00

My friend Lia told me her dream over a gmail chat this morning. Short and Sweet:

Lia: Oh, I have to tell you about a crazy dream I had the other night...Th to Fri. I was at your house and there was a group of people there and we were "smoking" pot. But the way we were "smoking" was that there was a glass of water with weed in it and someone would take a sip, gargle, and pass. Totally disgusting!

What's Grosser Than Gross?

2009-07-23T11:33:00.000-04:00

This dream is grosser than gross, friends. Consider yourself warned.

I dreamed about my scar from a brown recluse spider bite. The scar is a keloid, it's huge and on my upper right thigh and totally cute. I'm kidding. It's actually not that bad but people definitely react when they see it and hear that it is the result of me being attacked by a poisonous spider.

So in the dream there was this corn syrup and rubbing alcohol mixture that was dripping everywhere. I was wearing shorts and some got on my thigh right near my scar. As it dripped down my leg and the flesh across the top of my scar sizzled like it was being burned by acid- but in my mind it felt really good. The scar immediately started oozing - thick yellowish puss started flowing from the old wound. I got a napkin to clean it up but so much was coming out it was impossible, and now the puss had streaks of blood in it too. So I got a cup and started collecting the puss. (VOMIT, I know!!!)

In the end my scar was all flat and small and pink. And I felt incredibly relieved.

The Boss (not Bruce unfortunately)

2009-07-22T10:24:00.001-04:00

My friend Alex's boss haunted my dreams last night. Because I don't know what he looks like, he changed forms from one creepy older gray/white-haired man I've seen at the capitol/in court/on the street to another.

Alex's office looked the same as it does in real life but it was located at the top of the Sears Tower. The elevator up required you to be strapped in like a ride at Six Flags. I had a little girl with me who was too short for the straps so I had to hold on to her for 35 floors (yes, specifically 35, though the Sears Tower is certainly taller than that).

I was supposed to go out to dinner with Alex and his coworkers but when I got to his office no one would talk to me. Alex looked at me annoyed and said "I'm working and I'll find you when I'm done." I sat down and it was cold and there were no blankets and I didn't have a cardigan. I found an art magazine to read and The Boss came over and started mocking me and art itself. I had some smartass response that made him laugh. There was evil gleaming in his eyes.

When we walked to the restaurant the streets looked like Chicago and it was winter. I realized that the little girl left her jacket behind and we had to go back up the elevator. The Boss laughed sarcastically and sneered "good luck in finding us."

A Year in India

2009-07-22T01:35:00.000-04:00

I dreamed I was in India with my friend Alex. We were inside an apartment that was full of open windows with long pink (light pink and magenta) curtains blowing in the breeze. Several rooms in the apartment were round, or maybe hexagonal, and lined with these windows. There was a big white bed in one of these rooms.

We left the apartment and stood out on the street, looking back at the door through which we'd just exited. It was at this point that I realized I'd committed to spending the next year in India. I immediately felt anxious, mostly about things like finding a cell phone and appropriate cell phone plan, and paying my bills back home. Later, I realized the big picture problem; I also didn't want to spend a year in India. I spoke out loud to my mother (who wasn't there physically) "I'd spend maybe a month here, maybe two. I want to go other places too - like China."

Alex and I stood on a street together. The street was gray and filthy and full of trash. There were bits of garbage in the gutter, like the red and white cardboard from a case of Coca Cola, and flattened aluminum cans, and bits of old newspaper. It felt really lonely and desolate and scary. Alex was about to leave. "Wait, which door do I go through to get back to the apartment?" He looked back and I followed the path of his eyes, and saw a sign that said something like "Beautiful Babies" or "Bathing Beauties" or something like that. Double Bs.

I was so relieved when I woke up this morning, and had to remind myself about six times that it was a dream and that I didn't have to go to India.

Failing School and Scary Animals

2009-07-20T10:01:00.000-04:00

I keep having dreams about forgetting to go to class and failing. Last night I was in college and taking 3 classes, 2 of which I were getting F's in. I planned to stay up all night cramming for the exam in one of them to at least pass the class. And I was upset because I was failing 2/3 of my classes, so why bother paying for all this school? *

Also there were scary animals - kind of like eels. I kept capturing them and trying to kill them, but they would divide and wriggle away. I've had lots of scary animal dreams, especially about fish (since recently aquiring a pet goldfish).

*I've been done with school for 4 years. When will I stop dreaming about it?

liar

2009-07-20T09:37:00.000-04:00

so i dreamt that i went to a show with my friend kayte. we were the only people watching the band. for some reason i told kayte these huge lies about how sweet i was at playing drums. kayte thought it was awesome that i could play drums and she said we should start a band. the band we were seeing overheard us and said we could play with their instruments when they were done. i was terrified. so we went up there and i could, surprisingly, play the drums a little. i was relieved because the drummer of the band we saw was really cute.

LOL, and SOL I guess?

2009-07-20T00:50:00.000-04:00

Two days ago I woke up remembering that I had laughed very hard and sang in my dream. All out loud. But I don't remember what I dreamed about.

Dolly N Me

2009-07-15T15:10:00.000-04:00

Last night I had a dream that that Dolly Parton and I made a scrap book together. Mostly this scrapbook was cut out pictures of porcelain dolls that we liked and also wigs we really liked too. Interspersed through the scrap book were cut outs of picture of kids from magazines. We would place heart stickers next to the kids and write swear words in the hearts. For example there was a picture of a little girl and a puppy and we had put a heart sticker next to her and written "SHIT YEAH!!". Dolly and I also had matching yellow t-shirts we would wear when we made this scrapbook with handlebar mustaches on them.

Mish-Mash of Common Themes

2009-07-15T12:22:00.000-04:00

Last night was like a managerie of all the common dream themes I have.

At various points I was:

-walking around, then realized I had no shirt on, felt embarassed but just crossed my arms in front of me and kept going

-wondering around a huge academic building where I forget to go to class and the semester's almost over

-hanging out with my girlfriend, who sometimes turned into an ex-girlfriend

-seeing musicians. Last night they were various lesbo bands.

Ghost in my Apartment

2009-07-15T00:11:00.000-04:00

In my dream, I saw some kind of ghost or spirit in my living room. I remember walking out of my bedroom knowing there was a spirit in the room, right near the small couch and coffee table. Suddenly, I was turned around, looking back into my bedroom, and the spirit was between my bed and the wall, about 3 feet to the left of the window that looks out onto the lanai. It was black and/or dark, and it looked tall and thin, but was shapeless, like a wall of dark mist. It moved very slightly, as if an extremely gentle breeze was blowing through it, but in slow motion.

I said to it "I know you're here. I pray that you leave peacefully. I hope this is okay." I also remember thinking of that episode of Sex and the City in which Miranda has a ghost and Samantha tells her to deal with it by acknowledging its presence, then asking it to leave. Glad to know I take my advice from that show...

After that, the spirit wasn't there anymore, but I was nervous to go back to sleep in my dream.

American Cheese

2009-07-09T11:01:00.000-04:00

I dreamed that I handed my sister a piece of American cheese that I'd taken out of its wrapper. Two of the corners were hard and darker than the rest.

Sorry, sister! I'll bring you wonderful cheese in real life, I promise.

How To Put On A Bathing Suit

2009-07-08T23:19:00.000-04:00

Sometime last week I dreamed all about putting on a bathing suit. I was in a gym locker room and Sara M. was helping me find a bathing suit. She was reaching into this big dishwasher/oven looking thing and pulling them out, one by one. She handed one to me.

It took me forever to figure out how to put it on. The straps were all wrong, and I kept putting my arms through the wrong sleeve. Then after I finally got it on, it was all crooked and I couldn't straighten it to save my life. It covered everything, but was super off-center. Also, I realized that it was white. Booo! I can't wear a white bathing suit! It'll be see through and you'll see everything!

So Sara hands me another one from the oven, this time, a red one. This is equally difficult to put on. I finally get it on sort of correctly, and realized I was wearing black tights underneath, as well as black high heels. They only came up mid-thigh though, so there was this awkward area of skin between the top of the tights and the bottom of my suit. I wasn't sure if this was how I was supposed to go swimming (wearing black tights and heels), so I looked around the locker room. Nobody else was wearing tights, so I took them off.

The Hell's Satans

2009-07-08T10:33:00.000-04:00

I don't remember my dream very well, but I know I was hanging out with some friends from high school. At one point, one of them said he thought I hated him in high school. I hugged him and said no, I never hated him, I was just socially awkward. We had a slumber party. One friend brought an inflatable water bed. At 9:30 in the morning we got drunk on vodka tonics to the point where I spilled mine. He looked at me and said, "Normally I'm not self-destructive like this." There was a tone of judgement in his voice.

Then we went to a tavern with a group of friends, some from college. We wanted to see the band play, and then suddenly it was beautiful classical music in a fancy music hall. One of my friends, J, who I have not seen in several years brought in a sandwich from Subway. She took off the plastic wrap and it was REALLY LOUD and crinkly, and everyone stared at her until she got kicked out. She was extremely upset, so I walked her and her baby (who suddenly appeared) home.

When we were walking home we passed a few guys who looked very tough. Lots of tattoos. They were very scary. Okay, in real life I wouldn't see a biker with a lot of tattoos and get scared. But in my dream they were terrifying. I knew they were white supremacists, violent, and evil. Something happened when we passed them, I can't remember what, but it pissed them off. So I knew they were after us. They were going to kill us! I looked them up online and their "bike gang website" proved how evil and violent they were. I was in a panic, making phone calls, gathering belongings, we had to get out of there!!!! I can't remember how it ended.

Mission Dolores

2009-07-03T10:10:00.000-04:00

I dreamed last night that I was walking in the Mission in San Francisco. I was looking for Mission Dolores. I circled a city block and I saw it looming in thy sky around the corner. The old church stood stiffly next to the curves and clay of the old Mission. I moved faster, eager to get inside.

I walked the grounds remembering the last time I was here with my mother in the fall last year. I looked for the graves of missionaries from my mother's home in County Tipperary in Ireland. I looked for the thatched hut. From across the grounds I heard a voice calling my name eagerly.

When I got to a clearing, I saw it was a woman named Maryam. I should clarify that in awake life, I've never met this woman or know who she is, but in my dream I remembered her from Iraq. I also remembered that she was Persian, then I corrected my memory that she was French. I remembered she was married to a kind, brilliant older man who wore tweed and smoked a pipe. I also remembered she was a professor of Women's Studies. I can't recall another dream I've ever had where my mind created so much history about a figment. I called out to her excitedly, "Bonjour!"

Maryam gathered up her girls around her, they were on a trip abroad from the university. She invited me to have tea with them. She quizzed me excitedly about how my parents are doing. We moved under an archway into the shade, and one of the girls laid out a sparkly, gauzy blanket that we all settled down on. A clay tea pot was produced and a plate of flaky cookies was passed. The conversation was exciting and delicious as the snack; I felt inspired.

When we finished, the girls got up from the blanket and I noticed that the blanket now bore symbols like seashells, some zodiac signs and other images I don't remember. I knew it was time to tell our fortunes. We all tossed the remnants of our tea cups onto the blanket and amazingly, the tea leaves started spinning in the air. As they would drift toward each of the symbols, the group would cry out what it meant. "Travel!" "Love!" "Swimming!"

Maryam kissed me on both cheeks as we bid goodbye. I walked back through the grounds of Mission Dolores and stopped at the sight of Mary framed by a golden orb. The paint was chipping and it looked like tears on her face. I pressed my palm on her cheek and thought of my mother, my grandmother, my sister and my sisterfriends. I thought about unexpected visits from Mary in Fatima, in Egypt, Guadalupe, Lourdes. Pieces of the paint-tears crumbled into my hand and I put them carefully into my coin purse. I felt so fortunate, so lucky, so blessed.

Talking Cats

2009-06-26T11:42:00.000-04:00

I dreamed last night that my cat Eek could talk, but the trick was that you had to ask him exactly the right question. I couldn't remember what that question was though so I walked away from him. Then from behind me I heard him say "MA-ma."

I should add that my friend Alan told me yesterday that he taught his cat to talk and say "Alan". In real life not dreams!

Also I've recently given Eek a new nickname, Mr. Meow-gi. This is because he meows incessantly. I just thought you all should know that.

Evil District Attorneys and Witches

2009-06-25T17:32:00.000-04:00

Evil men floated in my dreams last night. The men are two people I know and I actually sat between them at a hearing yesterday. They are two of the most notorious, bloodthirsty District Attorneys in Georgia. Though I work with one of them regularly, my nervousness of them goes so deep not to put their names on this blog for fear that it would get back to them and there would be personal repercussions. In the dreams that continued even though I'd wake up from time to time, their heads (no bodies) kept floating in my peripheral vision as I looked around in my dream. It was nerve wrecking.

Finally I had a different dream in which Alex and I were walking hand in hand in Decatur Square. We noticed an exhibit of Disney villains that you could see a preview of by throwing a quarter into a jar. We threw our quarter in and the statues we were all of a sudden surrounded by came to life. They were real people and moving in circles around each other and us. It was like we were trapped in the middle of a ballet stage. Then I realized that three of the performers were really evil witches and I pulled Alex's hand to try to get out of there. I was immediately face to face with an evil witch and she screeched and my heart jumped and then I woke up.

School, Jamming, and a Girl

2009-06-23T08:32:00.000-04:00

I was in school with Reem Tara, in a large auditorium-like space. The class had different parts. First was music. She and I "jammed" hilariously on drums, a bass, and something else. I played a jazzy riff on the bass and it was awesome. Ben Marx walked by and laughed at us. Then we got papers handed back to us. Reem Tara and I did ours together and we got...AN A+!!! We were so happy. The teacher, who is a co-worker of mine in real life, was very impressed. Then came the test - people took turns standing up and demonstrating different angles. So someone bent over far, and the teacher demonstrated that that was a 45 degree angle. Then someone else spun around and around and around (doing multiples of 360 degrees) and finally the teacher said, "Okay, that's enough!"

Later I was walking down the street and saw the girl of my dreams, who kind of looked like this. She went into her stupid boyfriend's apartment. I followed after her and saw she had put 3 posts up outside his door leading him from one, to another, to the 3rd one. The 3rd one had a present. They were strewn about, so I knew he already saw them, so I took them.

Then I was hanging out again with Reem Tara and Helen. Helen informed me that (this girl of my dreams) was coming over later because they were friends. I got super nervous but luckily I was wearing a cute outfit - a pink shirt and a pink skirt (different shades of pink). Then I realized I was still holding the signs I stole from her boyfriend's apartment building, so I threw them very hard into the garden that was all of a sudden there. Girl Of My Dreams came over and was shy and I did not know how to talk to her. I told them about how Reem and I "jammed" during school and laughed like it was the most interesting and hilarious thing ever. I don't think the Girl of My Dreams was impressed.

Military Mockery

2009-06-19T08:57:00.000-04:00

This dream is fading fast...But I do know that I went to a small-town event that was in honor of Parkinson's disease patients. Prior to this event I was at a neighbor's house where children were. I noticed a sharp looking military outfit and the mom encouraged me to "try it on - it looks good!"

So I wore the military uniform to the Parkinson's diesease event. The woman in charge was SO excited to have me there - she said she would ask me to stand up and "represent the military." I did not have the guts to tell her that I was an imposter who was merely wearing an outfit.

I stayed at the event for a bit and then quickly left. In the dream, I thought it was kind of funny that people thought I was in the military. But afterwards a co-worker who was there YELLED at me. She said I was insensitive towards people who are really in the military and that I clearly "have a problem with men." So I SCREAMED at her, saying that I was at the Parkinson's event for 2 important male members of my family, so how is that having a problem with men?

Also as I was walking from the event I saw huge frogs on the grass. And another neighbor offered me money to help her clean up her dog poop. And I got a parking ticket but had no money to pay it.