Shark Bite

I was standing next to the street and a shark leaped up from the road and latched onto my left forearm. I ran inside the house and locked myself in the bathroom. I tried to open the shark's jaw but it held on so tight. Blood was pouring out of my arm; bright red puddles pooled at my feet. When I finally pried the shark free I flung him to the bathroom floor. It immediately froze and looked like an ice sculpture.

Bathtub of Boys and Beans

My hub Mike (M1), our friends Mike (M2) and Andy & I were chilling one evening and M1 & I suggested that we all take a bath together.  It was super casual in my dream world, like asking if we should have a fire in the fire pit.  I think the idea was basically a poor-man's hot tub.  So the boys get down to swim trunks and I'm in a bra and undies and we're wedged in our tub together, all in a row (M1 in front, then me, then Andy, then M2 caboose-ing it).  How sad.  Andy said he'd like to make some beans for us to share as a snack.  He had this dehydrated bean mixture (like a packet of oatmeal) and planned to pour it into the tub, expecting that it would hydrate into a nice little floating pile of refried beans.  I didn't think it would work out this way and before I could warn him against the idea, I saw M2 behind him with dehydrated bean mess floating around everywhere.  It was gross and the end result was the four of us steeping in a tub of refried beans.  The end!

Brosephs and Bathrooms

I had a dream that I was at a house where a bunch of duders lived. I am not sure why I was there, but I had a few suitcases with me. I was looking for one of the guys that lived in the house, but couldn't find him anyway. I walked through all kinds of rooms and doors. I ran into one of the other guys who lived in the house and realized it was someone I had dated in high school. He had been pretty devastated by our breakup and I realized in the dream that he still liked me. I thought, this is not going to be fun. I kept searching for this guy and when I got back into the living room one of the other roommates in the house was going through my suitcase! I was so pissed because he had put on one of my vintage dresses and was dancing around in it obnoxiously. I yelled at him to take it off because he was "stretching it out!!!" He took it off and picked up another one and put that on and danced around in it. I was so mad. I looked around to see if anyone would tell their stupid roommate to leave me shit alone only to see that my ex was in the room organizing a bookshelf, he clearly did not care. So I started searching for the guy I had been looking for again. Also I had to go to the bathroom so I was kind of looking for both. I opened a door to a storage room and when I closed the door to walk away my ex was standing behind me and made a face, like "ha, that's not the bathroom." What a jerk. I finally found the bathroom, but the door was shut and locked! The guy I was looking for the whole time was in there!!! Then I woke up.

Groceries, The Mall, and Bathrooms, As Usual

I dreamed I was in a supermarket with Marc and his son. It was a fancy kind; all the shelves were wood and all the produce was displayed impeccably. I avoided the meat section, just like in real life. At some point, I heard music coming from around the corner from the produce section. There was a noise band playing. Somebody's voice told me that this was the new location of the Wisco (for non-Madisonians, the Wisco is this dive bar that smells like pee). I felt strange that I didn't know about the new club. It looked like one of those youth centers I used to go to in high school - yellowish plaid couches and bulletin boards on the walls. And all that produce!

Later, I was walking along a black gravel driveway on the side of the mountain, looking for Marc, who was my ride. I couldn't find him so I got into my own car, which was being driven by Sarah. As she was driving, she lost control of the car. I looked over at her and realized she'd pulled the key out of the ignition and couldn't get it back in. I grabbed the steering wheel that was all of a sudden conveniently located right in front of me and pulled us off the side of the road. We sat there for quite awhile, unable to start my car.

I was all of a sudden in a mall, looking for a bathroom (which has totally happened before) and looking for Boston Store (aka Carson's). I walked past my mother, my sister, and a former teacher. None of us acknowledged each other, and I woke up confused. At some point though (I'm unclear on when) my mom told me that Boston Store had gone out of business. I was upset because I really needed a bathroom.

Married to Myself

I had a really weird, long, kind of depressing dream last night. I dreamed that it was the day before and the day of my wedding day. The day before, I was at the mall with Sara and Emil, and different people kept appearing and helping in preparation for the big day. Here are some of the things that happened:

-Mom gave me a little cup in which I was to provide a urine sample. "I just peed four times in the last hour, Mom!" I exclaimed. "Why couldn't you have asked me earlier?"

-Lauren O'Flynn showed up to help Sara make all the beds, at my parents house and at the mall

-I went to a wine store and bought two bottles of wine (one "cherry" and one "sweet apple") only so that I could use their bathroom, but then I was carrying too many bottles to actually use the bathroom.

-I had to go to the second floor of the mall to find a specific painting

-There was no parking, and I had to run through the parking lot for a long time in silver glittery high heels that look like a headband I have

Throughout all the adventures, I was really excited about getting married, but then I realized...I had no idea who I was getting married to! It wasn't until cousin Layla whispered to me "I'd be too embarrassed to do what you're doing...all those big moments!" that I realized I was going to marry myself. All of a sudden, anxious thoughts regarding those "big moments" flooded my brain. Who is my first dance going to be with? Who's going to stand up in front of all those people with me? Who am I going to cheers my champagne with?

That's when it got really sad and depressing, especially since, earlier yesterday, in real life, Sara and I had been talking about sad things like being alone and not having people around and all that. The idea of marrying myself really made my heart sink in my dream. Ugh.

One hilarious part was that I had laid out my entire outfit, which consisted of the following:

-white tights
-a really ugly white bra that totally didn't look big enough
-boring white underwear that I usually wouldn't even wear on laundry day
-a white men's undershirt
-a black half-slip
-a white wedding dress that's skirt was the same as my awesome purple skirt (that I wore on the last 2 Halloweens), all ruffles
-the silver glittery high heels

I was pretty concerned about the black slip...I thought it might show through and that, for some reason, people would judge. Jerks!

Also, there was yet another bathroom moment where I was in the bathroom in my parents' house, the one near the kitchen, and I could hear my sister was telling my father that he should have shopped for my wedding gift earlier and I was trying to pee (have you all guessed by now that I had to pee in real life?) and I was holding my dress up, all bustle-y and ruffle-y, trying not to let it get in the toilet.

This dream seemed to last all night. I woke up sad and exhausted. Yuck. If I ever say I'm going to marry myself, please stop me.

What Color Is My Underwear?

I dreamed I was hanging out with the boy I like, and he lived in the attic above my apartment. I got mad because my landlord was only making him pay $295 a month, but I guess it made sense because the purple and silver toilet was only about an inch off the floor, and the bathtub didn't drain.

We decided to go downtown so I could use the bathroom, but just then I noticed I was wearing a white dress with different colored embroidery all over it. I lifted up the bottom of my dress and said to my sister, who had just appeared, "What color is my underwear?" She looked and laughed, saying "It's black with pink all over it, just like you thought!" I turned to look in the mirror and I could see my black and pink underwear through the dress. I got nervous because I didn't want the boy I like to see my underwear just yet - a lady must plan these things, you see?

I then ran in platform heels through construction on State St. to get to the bathroom.