Senators and Homeless People

I dreamed last night that my college diploma was deemed invalid so I had to go back to Berry College to take an economics class. The Chairman of Georgia's Senate Judiciary Committee (a friend) was my economics professor. Berry College is huge (the biggest campus in the world actually) and I couldn't find my shoes and it made me move around like molasses. And apparently the City of Atlanta decided to solve its homelessness problem by dropping off all these street people at Berry. They kept chasing me. The Chairman/economics professor drove an SUV and picked me up as I was being chased. I was grateful, but then I saw another state senator who I hate was in the front seat - this guy spits when he talks and gets bright red and sounds like a lunatic ranting and raving- very unpleasant. So I got back out of the SUV- I chose homeless chasers over crazy Senator Wiles!!!!

Dead Animals. Awesome.

This morning during one of the five-minute stints between my snooze alarm, I had a dream. I was in my bedroom but was aware and could hear that there was a group of people in my kitchen. I knew they were making a huge mess, and I was dreading going out there. I wanted them to leave. After much anxiety, I finally went out to the kitchen where three or four guys were standing. It was an absolutely mess; dirty dishes, broken eggs, beer spilled all over the floor...gross. I resigned myself to the fact that I'd have to clean up the mess, and I opened the refrigerator to begin putting away things. When I opened the door, I saw, laying on the shelf, a dead skunk. "Who put this here?" I exclaimed? As I looked at all these men, I saw something out of the corner of my eye. There was a dead possum on the couch. I looked to one man in particular (who I barely know in real life) and asked him to help me clean up. He held up his hands and waved his fingers in the air. "I can't," he replied, "I have to play a gig later." I screamed at him that he was bullshit. Then my alarm went off.

Dirty Cocaine, Making Out, Band Trip

My little sister was acting like an a-hole. I figured out it was because she was doing the cocaine. I asked her about it and she explained it was "dirty cocaine" so you had to cut it VERY carefully to make sure there were no "fingernails" or human particles in it. (This makes me want to barf). Nevertheless, I tried some and then regretted it, as I was about to embark on a band/orchestra trip because I was suddenly in high school again.

The orchestra trip was like a work conference with lots of team builders. There was one activity we did that was like "red light, green light" and everyone was annoyed that we had to do it. There were 2 cute girls in the room that I had my eye on. We had a 5 minute break, so I went to buy a drink for a cute girl. I ran outside to a bar next door. Their menu had fancy martinis on it for only $4 or $5 - I wanted to get 2 "marshmallow fluff martinis" but the waitress was being slow, so I ran back to the group, sans drinks. Finally the activity was done, and I asked a cute girl if she wanted to hang out with me.

She was like "yes" and started making out with me! It was cool. Then we were in Philadelphia but did not know where to go. So I asked my friend Matt who lives there where to go - we stopped by his house. He was making an extremely tall structure out of cardboard and it looked amazing. I don't think I got to make out anymore.

Not Enough Microphones

I was watching a star-studded celebrity cast singing a song. It seemed sort of like We Are the World. All the celebrities were standing behind a plastic window, singing into microphones, wearing headphones. I noticed Danny Wood from the New Kids on the Block singing with them. After a minute, he walked away from the group and approached four men sitting on black plastic chairs. They seemed like an audience, watching the rest of the singers. As it turns out, this group of four men was...the other New Kids! All of them: Donnie, Jordan, Joe, and Jonathan. Danny handed the mic to Jonathan, and he took Danny's place in the celebrity group. It turns out, the producers of this event didn't have enough microphones because they couldn't afford them, so the New Kids were all taking turns. Very sad...

Little Boy Gangsters

there was a mean gang of children and they were marching down the road. they looked like characters from "newsies." one little boy who was walking along the side had been burned badly in some incident by the other gang members, on purpose. i felt bad for this boy. he wasn't as "bad" as the others in the gang...just misguided. as he was walking, he looked back and saw the main gang member being pushed by another member in an oven that looked like it was converted to be a carriage. the boy was surprised to see this and approached them to ask what happened. the boy in the oven-carriage was super mean and his face was all pussy and crusty from being burned. he told the other boy that it was none of his business and hocked two gigantic loogies at the other boy's face. that's the end but i got a sense of knowing that the nicer boy would die of infection from being spit on because of his burns.

Bears

It's all very vague...I remember that I was going to be attacked by a grizzly bear. I knew that once I was attacked, I'd die. I walked around and kept running into bears. I thought each and every one would be a grizzly, but they all ended up being small black or brown bears. I was terrified, and I didn't want to die, but I knew it was inevitable. I knew that at some point I'd be attacked by a grizzly bear. I spent the whole dream being really scared and walking around looking for bears, getting ready to die.

Bags in the Toilet

I am having the grossest dreams lately. Ugh. So last night I dreamed this:

"It's finally time to take care of this toilet," I thought to myself. What I needed to do: remove two plastic bags that had been lining the inside of the toilet. Apparently, one had been lining the entire toilet bowl under where the water goes. And the other was fixed so somehow everything that got deposited into the toilet went into this bag. These were plastic shopping bags, by the way. Like what one might get at the grocery store.

Removing the first bag was easy. I just sort of pulled it out. But that second one...ooh, it was in there good! I started pulling on one of the handles, hoping it would all just come out magically. Instead, all this pee splashed everywhere, got on me, and everything sucked. NOT sexy results, I tell you. No way.

After I got the bag out, the toilet started to overflow. Of course. Water and pee were everywhere. I remember feeling very defeated and half-hearted as I picked up the soggy bath mat and hung it to dry. Waa waa!

Goldie Hawn's Pubes

Okay, get ready to barf. Yes, I know, I gave it away with the title. But here we go anyhow.

Last night, I dreamed that I was watching a movie with Angie and Jacob. It starred Goldie Hawn, and the plot was that she was old. Seriously, that was the plot. In the movie, she said some line that sounded like "You think that's bad?! Check this out!" And then, my friends, she did it. She lifted her dress and all we could see was her pubes. For real. Vagina and pubes. And, to top it all off, she had some sort of tribal henna tattoo in a ring over her pubes. And to make matters worse, the scene in which she held up her dress was like an hour long. Barf-o-matic, Goldie!!!

Dudes. Sick.

Prince Valium

I dreamed that when Alex came over to pick me up, he had gotten his hair cut like Prince Valium, the sleepy prince from Spaceballs. You know, the guy that Druish Princess Vespa was supposed to marry before Lone Star and Barf saved her. That old guy. Anyway, Alex looked just like him, bangs, hair curled under at the ends and maybe even a little lip gloss.

I looked at him in horror- I could not understand why he would do such a thing to his appearance. Reading my mind he says "You wanted me to try to be more fashionable." He became more and more amused the more I stared in horror. He batted his luxurious eyelashes at me, puckered his shiny lips and started to sing, "America, FUCK YEAH!" his favorite line from Team America. This guy with a Prince Valium haircut is taunting me?!?!

I just stood there wondering if we really had to leave the house that night.

Loved by God in a Minivan

I dreamed I was at one of my student/family's houses, giving them groceries. The father of the family (who is not the father in real life) was small and creepy and had unwashed hair. He rushed around the house trying to find me a bottle of wine. I wondered if I'd ever get kidnapped and hidden in their basement.

We got in their minivan and drove around the neighborhood. They had just moved in and were unfamiliar with their surroundings. Emil was in the minivan too; he sat in the row behind the mother and I. At one point, we passed some old sheds or garages or something and Emil talked about the historical importance of them. Later, we passed a church, and the mother said that she hoped it would be a good church for her family. Emil started rolling his eyes and questioning her faith. I gave him a look that was meant to say "chill out and be respectful, these are my clients." At that point, the mother put her arm around me, leaned over, and told me:

God loves you. God will always love you.

I kept nodding and saying "I know, I know." And I smiled a lot.

That was really nice.