end of the world - again

so i dreamt that my mom had an end-of-the-world button. she was going to press it at "6:30 tonight." i called up my brother and we stopped her. whew! stopping her involved jumping down the laundry chute. that was fun. 

then i dreamt that i was time traveling and i was in kindergarten with my current brain. the teacher figured me out and suddenly i was in my current body also. i was kinda embarrassed, but she offered me a job as a kindergarten teacher. i took the job and the kid part was fun. my co-workers were all sexy and we all slept together. but i also had to run this ski shop with this guy. we both had no idea how to run a store. so we just ordered some stuff and people bought it and it was that easy!

then, for the same job, i had to wrangle some cows and bulls. one bull charged at me and i threw a rock at his nose and he chilled. 

scary monster

ok so yeah. i dreamt that i was taking a shower with my friend greg. suddenly, a HUGE monster bug crawled out of the drain. it was like a bacteria in a cleaning product commercial. we were scared and tried to wash it back down the drain. it kept crawling back out. so greg stayed in the shower to keep an eye on it while i searched for a rock and a string so we could tie the rock to him and make him stay down the drain, haha! i was naked and wet and running around everywhere.

then there was a problem with some fish flopping around everywhere and i couldn't find a rock and the monster kept growing and the drain was huge and eventually the plan worked out but it was so fucking scary!!!!!!!

ryan gosling mmmmmm

irl i have a celeb crush on ryan gosling. i think he's HOT!

so the other night i dreamt that i was driving in this blue VW golf i used to have with my friend erin. we decided that it would be really funny if we joined a church and ate all the cookies and farted during service and stuff like that. so we went into this small and quiet church and wadayaknow, ryan gosling is there. i thought "wtf? he lives in michigan?" erin decided she couldn't go through with it and waited in the car. i decide that i was going to act like i cared about jesus so i could get with ryan. so i did that and joined the church. later the two of us were in my bedroom and i had to change my underwear and did it right in front of him and realized "oh shit he's a churchey, he prob doesn't wanna see my twat." so i got all shy and apologized and he said it was ok and we were friends. i LOVED it! nothing ever happened with us but the dream ruled anyway.

later i was in a car chase and i was wearing a huge rainbow tiedye shirt. i stopped at a gas station and stole some snacks and continued the car chase. my face was also painted rainbow.

weird shit came outa my brain

i had wheat thins and jalpenio cheddar frito dip for dinner.

ok so my first dream was that i was riding my bike. it was super fun at first. the up-hills were easy and the down-hills were FAST! but then i realized that i need to stop playing around and go to where i was going (the gyno? the airport?). then i turned a corner and rode right into this neck-deep pothole filled with the filthiest black slime water ever invented in someone's imagination. it was filthier than something can actually be filthy. so i was on my bike, in this hole, only my head was sticking out. i wasn't upset, i was just like "oh. this happened." so i climbed out and pulled my bike out and it was all broken. the only thing salvageable was the rear wheel. so i went home and came back with my dad and my tools. when i got back to the bike and the pothole, someone had stolen the rear wheel and spray painted the rest green. fuck. my dad said i was lucky the pothole wasn't deeper because then i'd be dead. 

the next dream was that i was in a fancy apartment with my brother and sister. it was my apartment and i'd never been there. it was full of junk and i was going nuts because i wanted to organize it so badly. (that's how i am in real life). ok, so me and my bro and sis went out to this fancy restaurant to eat. the waiter went into the apartment in my guest room and took a nap. this other guy helped us. after the meal, the manager said we could never come back because i was so rowdy and had offended a "little person" by treating him like a child. (wtf it looked and acted exactly like a child.) plus i had tattoos on my face and that scared people. i thought "i wonder what it is that i have tattooed on my face." i knew i had a facial tat but i didn't know what it was. it was really detailed and small all over my chin. i looked at it with a magnifying glass and it was a cartoon strip that made no sense at all. i guess it was something i thought was funny when i was drunk.

i was a man

i had a dream that i was a man with a penis and i had sex with my friend erin. i think i did a good job. i remember thinking "guys make it seem like it's hard to get a boner, but it's so easy!"

outer space

ok i had this weird dream. i don't know if i can explain it but i want to try. 

so i was in this group of researchers in the library. we were looking at this solar system and trying to write about this theory someone made. the theory said that every drop of water in this solar system will go back to where it was, no matter what. if you take a drop of water to another planet, it will travel back to where you took it from. (i know this is stupid and makes no sense, but it was a dream, ok?)

so i was studying this little planet that is closest to the sun. it traveled in a highly eccentric and highly inclined orbit. it was small and shiny and blue. it took about 5 seconds to go around the sun. i was trying to draw the orbit, but messed up and erased about a billion times. whenever i would announce a discovery, i would interrupt this one guy, who i couldn't make myself listen to no matter what; his voice just did not register. i kinda felt bad but also kinda hated him. he was always talking about his stupid planet when i wanted to talk about mine!

eventually i disproved the water thing and no one would listen. 

baby

ew ew ew ew ew! fuck babies! i had a dream that i had a baby. i was all confused because i just had my period. it was all gross and wrinkly and i loved it but i didn't want it. i said to my mom "there's something i have to tell you. i had a baby. i don't want it. i want to give it up for adoption." but then my mom adopted it and i had to be around it all the time. it barfed on me and i had to change it's diaper and i kept forgetting to feed it.

i found a bottle of whiskey and i was drinking it and sharing it with people and having fun and this stupid baby kept on being there and needing me to take care of it. 

i have a cold

so i'm a little sick and i slept for 16 hours last night. lotsa dreams

dream 1: i was competing in "america's next top model". i think i've had this dream before and i don't remember if i posted about it. i was pretty sure i was going to win. i had beautiful long hair and i was awesome at makeup and i had just been shopping in japan with my mom. i had amazing clothing and 100s of dollars worth of cosmetics. i was friends with all the other models. the dream was all about getting dressed and doing makeup, not actual modeling.

dream 2: i lived in this house that moved. it spun around in circles and swayed back and forth and stuff. i had lived there for years and had occupied every bedroom at one point or another. i was talking to this scientist who said the house couldn't hold itself anymore and it was going to break. that instant, it broke. it was all sideways and flooded. i spent the rest of the dream going around the house trying to find my favorite possessions and being really sad that i couldn't find the rest of my stuff. at one point i went in the basement and the house rolled over on it's side. at another point i had sex with a stranger.

dream 3: i was on a "party bus" that was a reality show, except i was invisible. i was watching the star of the show have sex with all the boy contenders and be really gross. she said she was on her period but wasn't bleeding because she liked to "make love".  her boobs kept falling out of her shirt and her 3 foot tall side-kick was a major bitch. 

another boy dream

i've been having lots of wonderful dreams lately about having boyfriends. before last night i had a boyfriend who was blond and muscular (not my type) who LOVED me so much and i loved him so much and he had an audi and was in the army and raved about me to everyone.

last night i dreamt that i was in high school and there was this amazing man. brown hair and gorgeous. he had a girlfriend but i decided to go for it anyway. i asked him to dinner and we went to a cafe. his girlfriend showed up and sat between us and turned her back to me to face him. i left and the next day they were pissed at me for disappearing. i explained what happened and we became the best of friends. like, a super close and loving and caring friendship. it felt so good. they explained to me that they were russian communist spies and they were older than high school age, that was just their cover. we went to a show together and the band was amazing. 

the end of the dream was that i was changing my shirt and i was in a bra and he gave me a hug and the girlfriend walked in and didn't care, she understood. 

it was lovely and i was pissed at the alarm.

end of the world

i had a crazy nightmare. it was the end of the world. everyone knew that today they were going to set off a giant bomb to destroy the whole world, we didn't know exactly when, but we knew it was today. everyone was frantic and it was chaotic. people trying to find family members, junkies trying to do all the drugs in the world, etc. i was going with the flow and got dragged around. first we thought we were safe in a subway station, then we got bored and left there again. then i was on the phone with someone's mom, who was telling me to get her daughter wasted drunk. then i was looking out the window and i knew everyone i saw. i kept looking up in the sky and seeing what i thought was the bomb, but it ended up being something else.

my emotions were all over the place. from "thank god it's finally over and i get to take everyone with me!" to "holy shit i'm gonna die! i don't wanna die! mommy!"

it was extreme

rockstar boyfriend

so i went to this metal show and it was one of my favorite bands, which i didn't know before i went. suddenly i was in the back room hanging out with the band. the guitarist was a cute skinny man and i thought he was very sexy. he gave me a free shirt and showed me where they were going to spend the night. he asked if i had any sleeping bags, because they didn't have enough. i didn't, but we liked each other a lot. 

then i was on tour with them, but somehow it stayed the same endless day. i would watch the shows from the side of the stage and always have to search for the back room they were in. every time i entered the room, i thought they were gonna finally be sick of me, but they were always happy to see me. 

there was one thing with a guy who hates me who was gonna beat my ass and my boyfriend protected me. 

there was another thing where a band member started driving my car when everyone was in it and he was speeding and not stopping for intersections and we all thought we were going to die. i told him to stop and he wouldn't listen to me and i told my boyfriend to tell him to stop and he listened to him. 

it was kinda scary, but it was an awesome dream. i had an awesome boyfriend in a band i loved and he protected me and was always happy to see me.

top model

i dreamt that it was 90s MTV and i was in "america's next top model". i was really pretty and even skinnier than i am and i was really good at doing makeup and there wasn't a lot in the dream about actual modeling, just getting dressed and doing makeup. my hair always did what i wanted it to and i was pretty sure i was gonna win. *sigh*

no brakes

i dreamt that i had two VWs. one blue and one green. the blue one's brakes didn't work. they slowed the car, but wouldn't stop it all the way. so it got it towed to the repair shop. the mechanic was really hot and we flirted and went to his bedroom to do things. he stuck his dirty fingers in my vagina and then didn't want to fuck and he called me a whore. i got pissed and i was like, "if i'm a whore, pay me then!" and he wouldn't. 

later, i was waiting for my car to get fixed and they weren't doing it, so i did it myself. for some reason i knew how to fix cars. 

later, devin and alix were here to visit and they had the most beautiful baby i'd ever seen. i was like "can i have it?" and alix said, "yes. we'll give you a two day trial period, and if you're good at it, you can keep it." so i took care of it. it was way too heavy for me to lift even though it was a baby. it took all my strength to pick it up. it sucked, but i loved it and did my best. i kept on losing it though. i would wake up, not having realized i fell asleep in the first place and it'd be gone. i would search and find it and it'd happen again. sometimes the baby was a bird and sometimes it was a cat and sometimes a human. 

then later i realized that i had my shirts on in the wrong order. i was trying to take the bottom one off without taking the top one off and i got all tangled up. i was going about my day, trying to fix these shirts. it was frustrating and shitty, but it was the most important thing in the world for me to get these shirts right and not let it get in the way of my day.  then my pants would be off and all tangled and then i'd realize i had the wrong shoes on and on and on.

nightmare

i dreamt that i was at a dinner with my mom, my sister and my cousin. my mom was nagging and picking on me. i was getting fed up and i told her to stop. she didn't stop, so i walked out and she followed me and continued to say rude things to me. i told her that if she takes another step i'm going to get violent. she took another step and i attacked her. she blocked my punches and held my fists. i kicked her in the stomach and she vomited enormous amounts of wine and dinner. it was ten times more barf than anyone could actually barf. i felt guilty and also satisfied with what i had done. 

i woke up after that and it was 2am. i was sweating and my heart was pounding. i got up and smoked a cigarette and peed. i was afraid to fall back asleep because i didn't want to dream something like that again. eventually i fell back asleep and the rest of the night was fine.

i can't remember what she actually said in the dream. i know they were totally out of line and pushing my buttons. 

japanese amusement

so i was in japan with devin. we went to the same amusement park every day. we felt kinda guilty that we were doing the same thing ever day, but it was so much fun! 

it was a 10 story building. every floor had many rooms, full of fun things to do: movies, bands playing, etc. so you'd go through the floor, do some fun stuff, then go on to the next floor, do some more stuff and when you got to the top, you'd jump off the roof into a pool, and start over. eventually we were just going up the stairs and jumping off into the pool over and over. it was sooooo fun!!!

the bands were bands i've never heard of, and the movies were one's i've never seen, but in the dream i heard the music and watched the movies. does that mean i was writing music and movies in my brain? i always wonder that. 

Last night I dreamt that i was in the second grade again, but i was 24, like i am now. I was friends with this one kid who was awesome, and we'd do "bad" things together. I acted all like i was a second grader for fun. Then one day i was trying to convince everyone that i was 24 and should not, in fact, be in the second grade. No one believed me. 

Later, at lunch time, someone stole my laptop. The thief replaced it with their laptop, which was a 10 year old piece of junk. I was ENRAGED and called 911 to report it, expecting a Law & Order style investigation. The person who answered my call only spoke spanish and couldn't understand me.