both hands

I had a dream that I was at a party and someone said something (cant remember what) but I answered that

"women are not born they become women, its existentialism."

Suddenly this girl turns around. She happened to be this girl I went to high school with ahd she repilied
"you mean Ani Difranco?" She then tried to convince me that Ani had invented existentialism. We were arguing about it.

all off a sudden she was going to puke so I had to empty my purse and this girl from high school puked in my purse and it was all beer.

it will just take a second

I had a dream that I was at work and I had to use the bathroom. the bathrooms at work are shared public bathrooms because I work in city building. So I go across the hall and I have to pee really bad. I decide to use the handicapped bathroom which is its own separate room with a locking door. I walk in and I see that the Janitors cleaning cart is in there but I decided that since I just have to pee I will just lock the door go quickly and the janitor will not be inconvenienced. So I lock the door and turn around to pee and all of a sudden the door is being banged on and the janitor is yelling that she needs to get in there to clean. I yell back I just need to use the bathroom I will be out soon. the janitor unlocks the door and behind her are all of these people gawking at the commotion. the Janitor is standing there and with all the gawkers behind her and I yell

"LOOOK I just need to pee then I will leave, I don't need the entire FUCKING CAST OF ROSEANNE watching me while I pee ok, close the door."

because as we all know calling people "the cast of roseanne" is really insulting.

how it comes out

Last night I dreamt that I was going #2 in the toilet and that I stood up and turned around to look at it and there was a shiny metal letter "R" in my poo.

And in my dream it was a cherry pit that I had swollowed and that was how it comes out ...

oops i forgot something

Linda and I were laying in bed and about to go to sleep when Linda got up and said "oops I forgot something I have to go into the living room"

So she went in the living room and I stayed in bed and I could hear her in the living room having sex with our "housekeeper"

Linda comes back into the bedroom and I say "linda you know I could hear all of that, I know you just had sex with the housekeeper"

Linda said "oh i didn't think you would be able to hear us because she has diabetes"