Rock of Love Beach Volleyball Hockey

Oh jesus. Should I really admit that I had for the second time last night a dream about competing for Bret Michaels affection on Rock of Love??? My first dream about this was pretty great- you can read it here. But last night's dream was awful. Those who may have watched last night's episode of Rock of Love Tour Bus will likely notice the plot similarities.

I dreamed that I was staying in a beach house. I was trying to go to the beach but all my bathing suits were too big or too small. There was the peach one was baggy and provided zero support whatsoever. I was all floppy and the bathing suit was all floppy. And then there was a tan one that I couldn't even get over my boobs (no problem with the bottom half because like all the women in my immediate family, I have no ass). Then there was the leopard print one that fit me just right. Of course.

When I went outside I realized I was surrounded by all the women that are competing on Rock of Love Tour Bus. And what was worse, so was I. And there was a challenge- on the beach- which meant running around in my maybe-now-not-so-cute leopard print bikini. And what we had to do was use hockey sticks to hit a volleyball over a net and into a goal. And I stood there frozen cuz we each had to take individual turns and I knew there was no way in hell I could make the goal.

But then the tomboy girl competitor Beverly (who is from Georgia btw) whispered to me "pass the ball to me and I'll get it in the goal." So I did and she made the goal and we all jumped around because we were excited that we won a date with Bret! But with all the jumping my bathing suit top fell off and I had to hold it up to keep everyone from seeing my business as I ran back to the house.

Thanksgiving Miracle

I'm in some sort of Thanksgiving Class, making an oral presentation about something. I'm not sure exactly what I said, but I know it had to do with John Redcorn from King of the Hill (which I watched right before bed), and about how the white man stole his land. Also, I recited a lot of recipes. I did it in a real sing-songy voice.

Then I realized we were supposed to have made posters. Shit. I thought it was just oral (hahaha oral). The person in front of me, Kyle, got up and presented his shitty ass poster that was a crumply piece of orange posterboard that had been dropped in the mud or something. On it were The Far Side comics - they looked like they'd been ripped out of a daily calendar or something. His presentation ended up being really good and informative, however, and what made it the greatest was that he spoke in a baby voice (a la Jack Black in the Sasquatch scene of The Pick of Destiny) and finished with the wonderful sentence of "And that, folks, is what I'd like to learn in my life."

Later, I dropped my car keys on the floor of my bedroom at my parents' house and they whirled around on the floor like a crazy mouse, running in circles and under the bed and back around. They kept going near drains and vents and stuff they could fall through, and I had to fold up the end of my bed and move it to the other side of the room. I chased them for what seemed like forever, not being able to catch up with them at all. I was so mad for most of it until all of a sudden I started laughing really hard. "These are my keys!" I exclaimed, laughing. The they were all of a sudden sitting on the table next to the door. I grabbed them, stuck my arm out the front door, locked my car, and went back to my bedroom.

Okay, here is a video of the scene from The Pick of Destiny. You should really watch it. The baby talk voice part is right at about 1:34.