Drag Queen at the Beach

It's been a long time since any of us have posted over here, but I've been having a lot of funny/crazy/sweet dreams lately so I thought I'd try posting again and see if any of y'all feel like joining me in resurrecting this baby.

I dreamed last night that I woke up today and left for the beach vacation I'm going on in May. When I got there, I ran through the white sand and it felt like Egypt. Then I started exploring the house we were staying in which was lovely but sorta 70s-ish.

I got to one room that was full of someone's stuff, including a bunch of crazy platform shoes and a whole lot of leopard print. I realized all of a sudden I was in the wrong house, and the house I was in belonged to the Most Famous Drag Queen of Key West. When I finally met her, she did a fashion show for me of all the platform shoes, and the most fabulous ones were total Lady Gaga - lime green patent spikes that poked into Mello Yello cans that she had to balance on top of.

The Bitter Tears in an Alley

I was walking at night in a city. I came across a dark alley. When I looked down the gravel, I saw the Bitter Tears slinking around. These ol' guys:



It seemed like they were trying to be creepy but really they were more like British humor:

Shark Bite

I was standing next to the street and a shark leaped up from the road and latched onto my left forearm. I ran inside the house and locked myself in the bathroom. I tried to open the shark's jaw but it held on so tight. Blood was pouring out of my arm; bright red puddles pooled at my feet. When I finally pried the shark free I flung him to the bathroom floor. It immediately froze and looked like an ice sculpture.

Two Dreams About Fish

I dreamed that I could grab little birds, sparrows and parakeets, by their tiny legs and their feet would latch around my fingers. They liked being there. Also there was a tiny white fish out of the water and I gave it CPR by pressing its lungs rhythmically with my thumb.

In another dream, I was going fishing inside an abandoned and flooded trailer with two of my coworkers. It was a field trip, it was supposed to be fun, a treat. I reached down and grabbed a huge fish out of the water with my bare hands. My coworker Lauren said knowingly, "It's a sturgeon. And its not going to fit in the car like that." She then snapped the head of the fish clean off and threw it in a trash can under the sink. I was amazed and couldn't stop staring at the fish head. We drove back to Atlanta with the headless body of the fish laying on the floorboard of the front passenger seat of the car. Also I had hidden trash can containing the head inside the trunk.

Gutter Punks and Street Art

During an odd little 30 minute morning nap, I dreamed of laying on a blanket in a field of high grass with a friend. We were watching gutter punks build and spray-paint a giant metal structure to our right. More and more people kept arriving and adding different facets to the art piece. I balanced my camera on my friend's knee to do a high exposure shot. I think this is the first time I've actively used my photography knowledge in a dream.

My boyfriend Bret Michaels saves me from the Bull Woman

Dudes, dudes, I have no choice but to confess that I have had yet another dream about Bret Michaels. This marks the third in a series, prompted no doubt by his recent brain hemorrhage, win of Celebrity Apprentice and appearance on American Idol- but who's keeping track?

I dreamed that Bret was my boyfriend and we were going to a sweat lodge in Kentucky. On the way there we passed a carpenter's work room and we stopped so he could show me what a great craftsman he is by making me a snow board. When we got to the site of the sweat lodge, we saw that it had been taken over by the evil bull-woman-with-claws from the second season of True Blood. I was really scared but my boyfriend Bret said "I'll protect you" and then I woke up and laughed my ass off.

Too Full for a Feast

I dreamed I cooked a feast. I wanted the feast to be as good as the one that the Other Mother makes Coraline in the movie, with cupcakes, roast chicken, cherry pie and a gravy train that runs on a track around the table to each plate of mashed potatoes:


My friend sat down to eat the magnificent feast and took a huge bite that overflowed from his spoon. He then leaned back in his chair and declared "That was great, but I'm full!" I started to get annoyed but then I noticed that his stomach started swelling - inflating actually, not unlike Violet Beauregard from Willy Wonka. Then his belt snaps and the buckle ricochets, breaking my window.

The Lawyer in the Kilt

I dreamed about this guy - this guy over here on the left - who is a lawyer that I know in real life who has written a poetry book that he is actually reading from at a pub (while wearing a kilt) in this picture. In my dream he was also wearing a kilt and reading from the poetry book at a pub, but the difference was that after he was done, he gave me a pool. A beautiful sparkling, Olympic size pool that I went swimming in.

so simple part 2

Just like kittymodern only 3 days ago, I too had a dream that I understood football! I felt all relieved while I was watching it, like "Riiiiight. THIS is how they get points. Field goals."

I can't believe of all things that could be themes on this blog, it is FOOTBALL. I'm a little amazed and disappointed in us.

Flavor Flav and the Magical Barn

I dreamed that I lived in a beautiful old farmhouse that had so much potential if I only had the time to work on it. It had this rundown but charming barn behind it that was my favorite part.

I had to leave my farmhouse to run a benefit for Georgians for Alternatives to the Death Penalty. We fed people southern barbecue there. In the middle of my speech Flavor Flav started heckling me and being a total jerk. He offended everyone and people started leaving. I started crying at the podium and then ran backstage.

When I saw Flav in the hallway I yelled at him "you cost us $10,000!! you have to give me a $10,000 donation to make up for this!" Then I made myself a to-go plate of barbecue and went home.

When I got home I saw that my friends had all been working on the barn - they turned it into a magical wonderland place with chinese lanterns, lots of blue ceramic tile and antiques on shelves. Ela had built a sweat lodge inside the barn and Mica had assembled a tea party with old cast iron tea kettles.

Senators and Homeless People

I dreamed last night that my college diploma was deemed invalid so I had to go back to Berry College to take an economics class. The Chairman of Georgia's Senate Judiciary Committee (a friend) was my economics professor. Berry College is huge (the biggest campus in the world actually) and I couldn't find my shoes and it made me move around like molasses. And apparently the City of Atlanta decided to solve its homelessness problem by dropping off all these street people at Berry. They kept chasing me. The Chairman/economics professor drove an SUV and picked me up as I was being chased. I was grateful, but then I saw another state senator who I hate was in the front seat - this guy spits when he talks and gets bright red and sounds like a lunatic ranting and raving- very unpleasant. So I got back out of the SUV- I chose homeless chasers over crazy Senator Wiles!!!!

Prince Valium

I dreamed that when Alex came over to pick me up, he had gotten his hair cut like Prince Valium, the sleepy prince from Spaceballs. You know, the guy that Druish Princess Vespa was supposed to marry before Lone Star and Barf saved her. That old guy. Anyway, Alex looked just like him, bangs, hair curled under at the ends and maybe even a little lip gloss.

I looked at him in horror- I could not understand why he would do such a thing to his appearance. Reading my mind he says "You wanted me to try to be more fashionable." He became more and more amused the more I stared in horror. He batted his luxurious eyelashes at me, puckered his shiny lips and started to sing, "America, FUCK YEAH!" his favorite line from Team America. This guy with a Prince Valium haircut is taunting me?!?!

I just stood there wondering if we really had to leave the house that night.

Product Marketing of my Childhood Takes Over my Dreamworld

I dreamed that my siblings and cousins and I lived on "islands" at Disneyland. They were shaped like giant snow globes without walls and they rotated. Each island had a different theme, for example Luai's was covered in giant mushrooms similar to the ones in Super Mario Brothers, Layla's was My Little Pony and Emil's was Go-Bots. Mine was Care Bears and my bed was a giant cloud.

As I lay in the bed I thought about how heavenly this place is and how I should bring a souvenir back for my friend. I look at my nightstand and see a sterling silver Smurf figurine. "Perfect!" I think to myself as I snatch it up and put it in my pocket.

Later I meet my family in the "family room" (which looks like the family room at my parents' house) for breakfast. Everyone had paper plates. Reem had three biscuits and a waffle. Luai had fresh-baked cinnamon buns and bacon. I was more jealous of Luai.

Sand Tiger Sharks on the Lawn

I dreamed that I was trying to leave for work from a house I was living in with my sister. I was in a rush because I had three back to back meetings in the morning which was also true in real life today.

As I was trying to pull out from the driveway I realized there were carcasses of sand tiger sharks all over the lawn and blocking driveway. They looked like real sand tigers with their mouths stuck open because of their jagged teeth but more rubbery skin.

Reem and I decided to call in "the authorities" to move the dead beasts. They took forever to arrive so we decided to try to pull them out by tying a rope from them to the back of my car. When I backed out the rope yanked and pulled out their rows of teeth completely from their mouths. We spent a long time looking at the teeth and their mouths close up.

I then realized it was 1:30pm and that I was hours late for all three of my meetings. I got back in my car and drove real fast, thinking about how no one was going to believe why I was late today.

Hacker Hate

I dreamed last night that some asshole hacked my blogs. I've been getting a lot of hate comments on 2 of my blogs (see Firebird and Reynoldstown Building) by someone who think I am someone else- specifically they think I am the artist behind the Blah Girl tag, which I am not, and state that repeatedly on my blogs. My guess is that this person is part of this group of self-proclaimed graffiti vigilantes who have even been known to hide in trees and jump out and attack taggers in Cabbagetown in Atlanta. Weird, huh?

Anyway, the dream was that this person had hacked into my account and taken down all the content and replaced it with really obscene, offensive statements about me. I'm sure that this is because even though I have stopped approving this person's comments he (I am 100% sure its a guy) still tries posting them. They are really crass, rude and attempt to intimidate me. But similar to his rating in our local weekly as the 5th Most Uninfluential Person in Atlanta, his attempts have been more irritating than intimidating to me.

In the dream I was really anxious about losing all my writing and photos and immediately started scrambling to see if i could recreate it all. I think I might back up my blogs this week.

What's Grosser Than Gross?

This dream is grosser than gross, friends. Consider yourself warned.

I dreamed about my scar from a brown recluse spider bite. The scar is a keloid, it's huge and on my upper right thigh and totally cute. I'm kidding. It's actually not that bad but people definitely react when they see it and hear that it is the result of me being attacked by a poisonous spider.

So in the dream there was this corn syrup and rubbing alcohol mixture that was dripping everywhere. I was wearing shorts and some got on my thigh right near my scar. As it dripped down my leg and the flesh across the top of my scar sizzled like it was being burned by acid- but in my mind it felt really good. The scar immediately started oozing - thick yellowish puss started flowing from the old wound. I got a napkin to clean it up but so much was coming out it was impossible, and now the puss had streaks of blood in it too. So I got a cup and started collecting the puss. (VOMIT, I know!!!)

In the end my scar was all flat and small and pink. And I felt incredibly relieved.

The Boss (not Bruce unfortunately)

My friend Alex's boss haunted my dreams last night. Because I don't know what he looks like, he changed forms from one creepy older gray/white-haired man I've seen at the capitol/in court/on the street to another.

Alex's office looked the same as it does in real life but it was located at the top of the Sears Tower. The elevator up required you to be strapped in like a ride at Six Flags. I had a little girl with me who was too short for the straps so I had to hold on to her for 35 floors (yes, specifically 35, though the Sears Tower is certainly taller than that).

I was supposed to go out to dinner with Alex and his coworkers but when I got to his office no one would talk to me. Alex looked at me annoyed and said "I'm working and I'll find you when I'm done." I sat down and it was cold and there were no blankets and I didn't have a cardigan. I found an art magazine to read and The Boss came over and started mocking me and art itself. I had some smartass response that made him laugh. There was evil gleaming in his eyes.

When we walked to the restaurant the streets looked like Chicago and it was winter. I realized that the little girl left her jacket behind and we had to go back up the elevator. The Boss laughed sarcastically and sneered "good luck in finding us."

Mission Dolores

I dreamed last night that I was walking in the Mission in San Francisco. I was looking for Mission Dolores. I circled a city block and I saw it looming in thy sky around the corner. The old church stood stiffly next to the curves and clay of the old Mission. I moved faster, eager to get inside.

I walked the grounds remembering the last time I was here with my mother in the fall last year. I looked for the graves of missionaries from my mother's home in County Tipperary in Ireland. I looked for the thatched hut. From across the grounds I heard a voice calling my name eagerly.

When I got to a clearing, I saw it was a woman named Maryam. I should clarify that in awake life, I've never met this woman or know who she is, but in my dream I remembered her from Iraq. I also remembered that she was Persian, then I corrected my memory that she was French. I remembered she was married to a kind, brilliant older man who wore tweed and smoked a pipe. I also remembered she was a professor of Women's Studies. I can't recall another dream I've ever had where my mind created so much history about a figment. I called out to her excitedly, "Bonjour!"

Maryam gathered up her girls around her, they were on a trip abroad from the university. She invited me to have tea with them. She quizzed me excitedly about how my parents are doing. We moved under an archway into the shade, and one of the girls laid out a sparkly, gauzy blanket that we all settled down on. A clay tea pot was produced and a plate of flaky cookies was passed. The conversation was exciting and delicious as the snack; I felt inspired.

When we finished, the girls got up from the blanket and I noticed that the blanket now bore symbols like seashells, some zodiac signs and other images I don't remember. I knew it was time to tell our fortunes. We all tossed the remnants of our tea cups onto the blanket and amazingly, the tea leaves started spinning in the air. As they would drift toward each of the symbols, the group would cry out what it meant. "Travel!" "Love!" "Swimming!"

Maryam kissed me on both cheeks as we bid goodbye. I walked back through the grounds of Mission Dolores and stopped at the sight of Mary framed by a golden orb. The paint was chipping and it looked like tears on her face. I pressed my palm on her cheek and thought of my mother, my grandmother, my sister and my sisterfriends. I thought about unexpected visits from Mary in Fatima, in Egypt, Guadalupe, Lourdes. Pieces of the paint-tears crumbled into my hand and I put them carefully into my coin purse. I felt so fortunate, so lucky, so blessed.

Talking Cats

I dreamed last night that my cat Eek could talk, but the trick was that you had to ask him exactly the right question. I couldn't remember what that question was though so I walked away from him. Then from behind me I heard him say "MA-ma."

I should add that my friend Alan told me yesterday that he taught his cat to talk and say "Alan". In real life not dreams!

Also I've recently given Eek a new nickname, Mr. Meow-gi. This is because he meows incessantly. I just thought you all should know that.

Evil District Attorneys and Witches

Evil men floated in my dreams last night. The men are two people I know and I actually sat between them at a hearing yesterday. They are two of the most notorious, bloodthirsty District Attorneys in Georgia. Though I work with one of them regularly, my nervousness of them goes so deep not to put their names on this blog for fear that it would get back to them and there would be personal repercussions. In the dreams that continued even though I'd wake up from time to time, their heads (no bodies) kept floating in my peripheral vision as I looked around in my dream. It was nerve wrecking.

Finally I had a different dream in which Alex and I were walking hand in hand in Decatur Square. We noticed an exhibit of Disney villains that you could see a preview of by throwing a quarter into a jar. We threw our quarter in and the statues we were all of a sudden surrounded by came to life. They were real people and moving in circles around each other and us. It was like we were trapped in the middle of a ballet stage. Then I realized that three of the performers were really evil witches and I pulled Alex's hand to try to get out of there. I was immediately face to face with an evil witch and she screeched and my heart jumped and then I woke up.