Friday, February 27, 2009

Different Kinds of Dinosaurs

I dreamed I was taking a little boy to the Geology Museum in Madison. I was excited because it was free. The kid was reluctant, so I explained to him that we'd be able to see how modern day animals are just "different kinds of dinosaurs." Right then, hundreds of giraffes appeared in front of us. I was able to tell which dinosaur they had each descended from. Some giraffes were giant, about ten times larger than they are in real life, and some were miniatures and incredibly skinny. One of the mini ones turned to green plastic. All of a sudden, I realized I'd lost the little boy, so I went searching through the geology building. I ran into professors everywhere - none of them would help me.

At first, the little boy was my brother at about 5 years old, then later turned into my friend Marc's son who is also five years old. Throughout the dream, they morphed from one to the other, and I could never tell who he really was.

Silent Approval

Sleg and I are hiking in the woods along logging roads. We've been walking for a while and talking about all sorts of things. We hear someone coming up the trail from the other direction. A stranger with a paperback book-shaped recording device is informing us we've been monitored and that he is going to inform on us. I quickly think back through our conversations and verify that we've said nothing that would be of value to any authorities. "Go for it, but know you are messing with the wrong guys," I tell him.
"Yeah," Sleg adds with bravado "we're baby punters, man."
Now our whole gang is here, including Slash. We decide that if he's going to punt baby dolls his should wear a smaller version of his top hat. Slash doesn't say a word, just approves with a single nod.


I was in a band of thieves. We were in a van on the way to a school we were going to hit. My liver started acting up. One of the guys went in gently with a knife and removed two pair of tweezers which had been lodged between my spine and liver. When we got to the school the parking lot was full of cars on a Saturday. We couldn't do the job because it was a teacher workday.

My family was at the swimming pool and Kyle was telling us how he had gotten accepted into a Master's program. I was walking to the deep end where I checked out the display shelves of underwear and linens. I had driven a minivan backwards through the neighborhood to get there.

75% off

Four dreams in one night...
1) My parents are waiting with their van late into the night for me and my band to finish our performance. We are doing an entire set of Jackson 5 [bitches!]. I get off stage and am swamped by fans. We are all in our best Tito outfit. It takes hours to break everything down because we are doing it all in dance moves. I don't want to pack the van which will take more hours, so my brother, Kyle, and I take the mattress off the roof of the van and onto the back porch where there are puddles, but we figure it'll dry...

2) Black mice in a cage. I feed them but find out 2/5ths of the food is poisoned. I wonder how many will die. Two seem dying or sleeping weird. Throughout the other dreams I check on them. Sometimes they all look dead and sometimes they are all running around.

3) I am costumed as a female, blue and reddish/orangish harlequin attracted to a male black and white harlequin. He is a knife juggler and thrower. The nearer I get to him the sharper his knives are and the more often they appear in surprising places.

4) In airport. I toss an empty briefcase at the feet of a police officer. He doesn't see me and I disappear into the corwd. I think I'm making it away when (and this almost startled me awake it felt so real) I feel his palms lift me from under the bottom of my feet. I am suddenly tumbling 30 feet into the air up and back down. I land stunned with a gun in my face. The officer is holding a different piece of luggage, one I recognize as being my mom's. He says, "looking for this?" and he pulls out a piece of paper with my brother, Eric's name written in red. I'm busted for the terrorism of unattending a bag.

Where the buffalo roam

[catching up from the last few weeks]

I am in the cockpit explaining to the hot shot pilots how my pops is the guy you want flying the fuel tanker behind you into battle. They are not impressed. [weird jump]
I am in the belly of the big transport plane that is going down. Everyone is grabbing onto something, but its the inside of a department store. I am digging my hands under a display rack bolted to the floor and the feelings of gravity are swimming in my stomach. No one is making a noise, just the creaking of steel against itself. Then the plane bellyflops jarring the cargo door open. We are alive!!! Someone yells "A herd of buffalo!" because there are hundreds of them running across the field, away from our crash landing.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Scary Crabs, Dogs, Teeth, and Dude

I was at a conference for work but it was actually a cult. First I had to cook - I made crabs which I did not know how to cook. They tasted exactly like bacon. (I had watched Top Chef right before bed.) Then walking around the conference I noticed something - there were dogs all over the place and they all had scary red lights for eyes and stared at me. They were possessed. Then I realized that the guy in charge of the conference had possessed the dogs because he was evil. So I asked him about it and he was super fake-nice, but I knew he was evil. Because then all of my teeth were loose and one of them fell out. I was very upset about this. And the frustrating thing was that no one else seemed to notice or care that the place was evil, the dogs were possessed, and it was odd that my teeth were falling out. I woke up very scared.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

end of the world - again

so i dreamt that my mom had an end-of-the-world button. she was going to press it at "6:30 tonight." i called up my brother and we stopped her. whew! stopping her involved jumping down the laundry chute. that was fun. 

then i dreamt that i was time traveling and i was in kindergarten with my current brain. the teacher figured me out and suddenly i was in my current body also. i was kinda embarrassed, but she offered me a job as a kindergarten teacher. i took the job and the kid part was fun. my co-workers were all sexy and we all slept together. but i also had to run this ski shop with this guy. we both had no idea how to run a store. so we just ordered some stuff and people bought it and it was that easy!

then, for the same job, i had to wrangle some cows and bulls. one bull charged at me and i threw a rock at his nose and he chilled. 

Saturday, February 21, 2009

scary monster

ok so yeah. i dreamt that i was taking a shower with my friend greg. suddenly, a HUGE monster bug crawled out of the drain. it was like a bacteria in a cleaning product commercial. we were scared and tried to wash it back down the drain. it kept crawling back out. so greg stayed in the shower to keep an eye on it while i searched for a rock and a string so we could tie the rock to him and make him stay down the drain, haha! i was naked and wet and running around everywhere.

then there was a problem with some fish flopping around everywhere and i couldn't find a rock and the monster kept growing and the drain was huge and eventually the plan worked out but it was so fucking scary!!!!!!!

ryan gosling mmmmmm

irl i have a celeb crush on ryan gosling. i think he's HOT!

so the other night i dreamt that i was driving in this blue VW golf i used to have with my friend erin. we decided that it would be really funny if we joined a church and ate all the cookies and farted during service and stuff like that. so we went into this small and quiet church and wadayaknow, ryan gosling is there. i thought "wtf? he lives in michigan?" erin decided she couldn't go through with it and waited in the car. i decide that i was going to act like i cared about jesus so i could get with ryan. so i did that and joined the church. later the two of us were in my bedroom and i had to change my underwear and did it right in front of him and realized "oh shit he's a churchey, he prob doesn't wanna see my twat." so i got all shy and apologized and he said it was ok and we were friends. i LOVED it! nothing ever happened with us but the dream ruled anyway.

later i was in a car chase and i was wearing a huge rainbow tiedye shirt. i stopped at a gas station and stole some snacks and continued the car chase. my face was also painted rainbow.

weird shit came outa my brain

i had wheat thins and jalpenio cheddar frito dip for dinner.

ok so my first dream was that i was riding my bike. it was super fun at first. the up-hills were easy and the down-hills were FAST! but then i realized that i need to stop playing around and go to where i was going (the gyno? the airport?). then i turned a corner and rode right into this neck-deep pothole filled with the filthiest black slime water ever invented in someone's imagination. it was filthier than something can actually be filthy. so i was on my bike, in this hole, only my head was sticking out. i wasn't upset, i was just like "oh. this happened." so i climbed out and pulled my bike out and it was all broken. the only thing salvageable was the rear wheel. so i went home and came back with my dad and my tools. when i got back to the bike and the pothole, someone had stolen the rear wheel and spray painted the rest green. fuck. my dad said i was lucky the pothole wasn't deeper because then i'd be dead. 

the next dream was that i was in a fancy apartment with my brother and sister. it was my apartment and i'd never been there. it was full of junk and i was going nuts because i wanted to organize it so badly. (that's how i am in real life). ok, so me and my bro and sis went out to this fancy restaurant to eat. the waiter went into the apartment in my guest room and took a nap. this other guy helped us. after the meal, the manager said we could never come back because i was so rowdy and had offended a "little person" by treating him like a child. (wtf it looked and acted exactly like a child.) plus i had tattoos on my face and that scared people. i thought "i wonder what it is that i have tattooed on my face." i knew i had a facial tat but i didn't know what it was. it was really detailed and small all over my chin. i looked at it with a magnifying glass and it was a cartoon strip that made no sense at all. i guess it was something i thought was funny when i was drunk.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Radioactive, Nose-Bleeding Fun

So last night I had this crazy, schizo dream that kept changing.

It started with me an a current friend randomly going to an old high school friend's house. I haven't seen this person in like 10 years so I don't know why we would be going there, or why they would still live with their parents. We just hung around there for a while (apparently my current friend knew my old friend) with French foreign exchange students coming in and out and me changing from pajamas into real clothes in their kitchen.

Then all of a sudden I'm on this Golden Gate-esque bridge with the red headed, nose-bleeding chick from Lost. Even though there is a giant radioactive scarab beetle closing in on us, I'm asking her if there is a genetic relationship between simiam species and pigs. She's happy to tell me all about it until the monster flings her off the bridge and into the water. But is it an indiscriminate monster? Blindly attacking because it doesn't know better? No, of course not! It's grumpy and mumbles under its breath about humans being annoying while it's flinging people off bridges and stomping on cars. The Eeyore version of Godzilla.

It pushes me in the water too where all of a sudden I'm in some sort of swimming race in the ocean. There are all of these guys around me trying to win, pushing on each other and getting into each others way. One of them finally loses his temper and grabs a couple of us and swims as fast as he can to the bottom. It's not that deep because we're off a coast, but without expecting to go under water I didn't take a big breath. So I'm freaking out for a second until I realize I can breath under water.

I make it up to the surface and take a big breath just in time to see the monster crossing an underpass, smashing cars as he goes and complaining about shitty drivers.

First Ever Facebook Anxiety Dream

I think that it was because of the news report that facebook own all of our facebook postings/pictures/everything...
This dream involves a real person that I am facebook friends with. I have met her a couple of times at some parties and we have commented to each other back and forth a bit.

So in my dream I had a crush on this girl so I decided to make a facebook album with 2 pictures of her in it. I called the album "Sigh." My dream was very explicit with me pulling down menus and seeing the choices for arranging photos. I also wrote on her wall that I had a crush on her.

Then it dawned on me. She could read my post and see the photos! I freaked out and tried to delete the album, and the wall posting. I was unable to find the right page with "delete album" and I was searching around for it. I was like...every second that I have this up is a second she could see it! So then I was trying to think of an excuse for why I made the album. The best I came up with was that "sometimes she takes care of our cats".

Sunday, February 15, 2009

michael franti

i was at a summer camp for adults. it was some sort of flight/aerospace camp. everything i did was in slow motion and people were always waiting for me or i just missed the activities completely. things like putting my socks on or finding the right gym shorts in my luggage. as soon as i got ready, the activity would be ending. for some reason, the camp leaders accepted this - they didn't rush me. they just accepted it as if it was my disability and i couldn't help it.

michael franti was there and i kept trying to nonchalantly take pictures of the scenery or other campers, getting him in the shot, so i could tell everyone that i saw him. eventually, though, he and i struck up a conversation where he confided that he does not know how to express himself. i told him that he does a pretty good job of hiding that in his music.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Busy Night

Snippets from last night...

I was in Ireland, looking through a window at a wide, green landscape. I kept thinking to myself "It's so weird how landscapes in Ireland are sort of blurry...the lines aren't clear, and everything is sort of fuzzed together." It was like one of those pictures that's made of yarn or something. I then took a step back and realized I was looking through a textured window, like one you'd have in the bathroom.

I looked to my right and saw mountains, but one looked like it had a chunk cut out of its side. In real life, it would have fallen over, but it stood just fine.

My cousin Elizabeth and I were walking down a dirt path, surrounded by trees and mountains, and she was asking me why I didn't ever talk about that thing that happened on the 6th grade field trip to Wisconsin. I thought for a moment, and realized she was talking about when I was standing either on a balcony or next to an open window and my teacher, Miss Parsons, pushed me out. As I thought about it, I wondered if it had really happened. Did I fall in the bushes? I don't know...

I couldn't find my car.

I saw Adam at the Crystal and kept telling him I had to leave. I couldn't stop thinking about his feet because of this (grossness ahead, be warned).

I'm researching whether antibiotics affect your far, nothing...

Friday, February 13, 2009

i was a man

i had a dream that i was a man with a penis and i had sex with my friend erin. i think i did a good job. i remember thinking "guys make it seem like it's hard to get a boner, but it's so easy!"

Thursday, February 12, 2009

The Most Bando Music Nerd Dream I've Ever Had

I dreamed that I was in a class with Sherin. It was probably a high school class, but we were our current age. We were supposed to be silently reading from this giant book we were sharing. It was a book of the sheet music for the musical Les Misérables.

I was reading a story about one of the characters when I realized Sherin had been trying to get my attention for awhile. She was all giggley and motioned towards one page where she had drawn a stick figure drawing of the character (Marius) who sings this particular song. I laughed really hard. She'd also drawn "a heart" around the whole page, but it looked like a giant oval, not a heart. Everything was drawn childishly and crudely, in crayon. We realized that we needed to get back to work since the teacher was looking at us. I flipped to one song called "Bring Him Home" and began reading it. The I realized I'd need to play the first note on the piano it in order to read it.

In my dream I played a Bb.

It sounded like a B.

In the real sheet music (which I ran to check right after I woke up), it's a C.

These three notes are all half steps apart, i.e. they're all right next to each other on a piano, including both black and white keys. Wow...bando...

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Just Remembered More

I just remembered three more parts of my dream last night:

1. I had a wonderful revelation about how much I loved mild cheddar cheese, and decided that I should buy that at the store more often

2. I was dyeing my hair on my own and I left it in for over an hour, and after I washed it out in the shower, it was still pink and not purple like I wanted it.

3. I pulled my pajama pants up over my boobs and wore them like a onesie. My sister used to do this when we were younger and we called her "The Woomba Monster." She would chase us around the backyard like this...

Finding Sharpies

Yesterday in real life, I found about ten sharpies I'd been looking for for about 10 months. I opened a drawer and there they were. Also in real life, I had recently bought new sharpies - about twenty of them.

In my dream, I kept finding sharpies. I'd open doors, pick up clothes off the floor, reach inside a bag - every time, I found more sharpies. Some were held together with a rubber band, some were all in color order, some were just in a pile. I had sharpies every color of the rainbow.

Here's what my real life sharpie collection looks like...I'm such a lucky girl!

A jungle

I had a dream that I was at an office building. I was working there. I feel like maybe it was the same building that the TV show "Ugly Betty" takes place (I've been watching a lot of that show latley). But I was on one of the lower levels. I was doing something with the post office.. or maybe just with paper and letters.
I left and called my sister to tell her my cell phone was dying and that I was on my way to the Alliant Energy Center. I was taking the bus there. I was with someone else. I know they were male but I'm not sure who it was. Maybe my brother.
We got off the bus a little late and had to walk further to get there. But it didn't look anything like the Alliant. We were at the top of a hill that was surrounded by a jungle. And I looked out over the trees and saw a tennis court.
I looked to my left and saw a lion come out of the trees. I was terrified. Then there was some sort of old ruins around us. That had window type cut outs. We tricked the lion into climbing up into the window and I told him that I didn't trust him. The lion could talk for some reason. So he was sitting up in one of the windows. I pushed him out. But somehow he lived. And said "I guess you're the one that can't be trusted" and he began to attack us. But it was a teasing kind of a attack. Not using his full strength. I got behind him at some point. I think the other person I was with had him restrained somehow. I wrapped my hands around him and started to pull out his eyes with my hands.
Then my alarm went off.

animal deep fryer

i was with friends and we were going to some community event where they were giving away bikes. when we got there, this was not the case. no one there seemed to know anything about these free bikes. instead, there were people and animals in a long line waiting to approach a large deep fryer. the event was actually one where each person could bring one animal to put in the deep fryer. one person had a cow and i started describing what it would probably feel like for these animals to be put in the deep fryer alive, hoping that people would empathize with the animals and change their minds. then i saw someone i knew and she had a shoebox. i opened the shoebox and inside was her cat. it was one of those really skinny, exotic looking ones with big ears, sort of like this but darker. enraged, i said, "so you're just trying to get rid of your cat?!"

as i said that, i noticed that there was a post-it note on the cat that said, "i'm just trying to get rid of my cat."

i was apalled! i walked away.

i am a vegetarian.

Sunday, February 8, 2009


I was in a restaurant with El Capitan in Ecuador. They were serving Manhattans for $1.98 so I ordered a double. The waiter told me he would have to close the restaurant and open it again to serve me alcohol. I felt guilty that the patrons would need to leave and come back to cold meals so I wanted to change my order to a water, but El Capitan was all about some Fibonacci spiral shots so he ordered his regular 1, 1, and 2 shots of rum to start it off...
[Footnote: I have not drank a drop of alcohol in 8 days, which is obvious in this dream as well as the longest time in the last year plus...]

Friday, February 6, 2009

Band in the Park

A sort of disjointed dream...

I dreamed I was in a large park heading east towards a gathering area. I was in a hurry to get there, but I kept having to stop and talk to people, or stop to watch these big crowds of people walking, or people on bicycles, going past me. I finally got where I needed to be, and realized I'd be seeing a band play. I was sitting behind the band, tightly sandwiched between a lot of other people, on plastic folding chairs.

The band turned out to be about 4 or 5 keyboards, all set up next to each other longways, end to end. The person playing the keyboard right in the the middle was the one and only SWEET N' SOUR LARRY SWEENEY! I watched him play keyboards and conduct the band, and at one point I thought "Wait, if Larry can play these piano parts, I probably could too..." During one song, he got up and started dancing in front of the keyboards. I remember feeling mad that Jacob, who has an enormous celebrity crush on Larry, was nowhere to be found. "He didn't even try," I thought to myself.

I was later in a department store, looking for my sister and her friend. We found each other in the "Wedding Section." I turned on my cell phone and had 4 text messages and 10 voicemail messages. Most of the voicemails were from people I never talk to, named "Austin," "Dive," "Hot Somebody," etc.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009


mike and i were gathering at some warehouse-type building on the outskirts of minneapolis to get on a bus/train modern-looking white vehicle that would be taking us somewhere else. a mob of people were at this checkpoint, gathering to get onto these vehicles. i don't remember where we were going or why. when we finally found parking for our car and walked a long way to get to the building, it appeared that the last of the vehicles had loaded passengers and was driving away. we were disappointed but then spotted one last one. it was only about 1/3 full and the passengers were cheerleaders or something. they were very nice and we thought we were very lucky, not only to get a vehicle, but to be on one that was not crammed full of people. we had to bring a form of simple transportation with us (bicycle, roller skates, skateboard, etc.) so mike brought a skateboard and i brought gumballs. i believe my intention was to skate across the gumballs like cartoon characters do with marbles. it seemed practical.

Monday, February 2, 2009

my real job.

I had a dream that I was at a plastic surgeons office and i had had some work done which "cost about $1,000" and my friend Rochelle was with me, she was considering getting some work done there too because she is from LA and it would be cheaper here in WI. So my brother was also there and some nurses were explaining what the surgery would be and my brother signed a consent form for Rochelle to get the plastic surgery. So then Rochelle started having second thoughts and the nurses were like well you signed so you basically have to have the work done. We were all sitting in these modern chairs and the doctor pulled up this modern couch to the table and laid down and was like well not much we can do the consent form is signed, Rochelle got really upset so they gave her some milk with vodka in it. And so I started "advocating' for her and was like "look she can back out if she wants she gave you no money and it is only like $2,000." They agreed and I was like...well that's what social workers do.

Living Underwater

Last night I had a dream that I lived underwater. And it wasn't all pretty and mermaid etc. It was scary and dark and I was very confused about oysters.

Sunday, February 1, 2009

outer space

ok i had this weird dream. i don't know if i can explain it but i want to try. 

so i was in this group of researchers in the library. we were looking at this solar system and trying to write about this theory someone made. the theory said that every drop of water in this solar system will go back to where it was, no matter what. if you take a drop of water to another planet, it will travel back to where you took it from. (i know this is stupid and makes no sense, but it was a dream, ok?)

so i was studying this little planet that is closest to the sun. it traveled in a highly eccentric and highly inclined orbit. it was small and shiny and blue. it took about 5 seconds to go around the sun. i was trying to draw the orbit, but messed up and erased about a billion times. whenever i would announce a discovery, i would interrupt this one guy, who i couldn't make myself listen to no matter what; his voice just did not register. i kinda felt bad but also kinda hated him. he was always talking about his stupid planet when i wanted to talk about mine!

eventually i disproved the water thing and no one would listen.