Tomatoes Spanish Boring

In my dream, I had just purchased a can of diced tomatoes. As soon as I got home, I realized there were already three cans in the garage. But it was the garage of my parents' house. I didn't really care.

Also, I could speak Spanish fluently!

Oh wait! I just remembered (I'm adding this a few hours later) that Gwen and I were driving around looking for the tanning salon we had to go to, and when we found out it was in the Princeton Club West, we were both like "gross" and didn't end up going.

Too Full for a Feast

I dreamed I cooked a feast. I wanted the feast to be as good as the one that the Other Mother makes Coraline in the movie, with cupcakes, roast chicken, cherry pie and a gravy train that runs on a track around the table to each plate of mashed potatoes:


My friend sat down to eat the magnificent feast and took a huge bite that overflowed from his spoon. He then leaned back in his chair and declared "That was great, but I'm full!" I started to get annoyed but then I noticed that his stomach started swelling - inflating actually, not unlike Violet Beauregard from Willy Wonka. Then his belt snaps and the buckle ricochets, breaking my window.

Bathtub of Boys and Beans

My hub Mike (M1), our friends Mike (M2) and Andy & I were chilling one evening and M1 & I suggested that we all take a bath together.  It was super casual in my dream world, like asking if we should have a fire in the fire pit.  I think the idea was basically a poor-man's hot tub.  So the boys get down to swim trunks and I'm in a bra and undies and we're wedged in our tub together, all in a row (M1 in front, then me, then Andy, then M2 caboose-ing it).  How sad.  Andy said he'd like to make some beans for us to share as a snack.  He had this dehydrated bean mixture (like a packet of oatmeal) and planned to pour it into the tub, expecting that it would hydrate into a nice little floating pile of refried beans.  I didn't think it would work out this way and before I could warn him against the idea, I saw M2 behind him with dehydrated bean mess floating around everywhere.  It was gross and the end result was the four of us steeping in a tub of refried beans.  The end!

Applebees?!

My dream this morning was so confusing. I was in my parents' family room, laying on the floor beneath two giant comforters; one was the black and white one I have here in Madison, the other was the rainbow-colored hearts one that Sara had on her bed as a kid and is now in my parents' storage room in the basement. I was half trying to sleep and half trying to find several electronics, including my gray hair dryer, my red cd player, and a few other things with long and tangled cords. Everything was all messed up and confusing under the comforters and I couldn't find anything I wanted - I was so frustrated.

During one of the moments in which I was trying to sleep, however, my mom entered the room through the door from the garage, all dressed in a smart black and white pinstriped skirt suit. She said "I'll be back from work around 10:45." But I couldn't figure out if she was talking about AM or PM, and whether it was AM or PM at the moment.

As I kept wishing I could sleep, I noticed that the rest of my family had entered the area. Dad stayed in the kitchen, reading the paper I think. Emil and Sara were both in the family room. Sara was cooking breakfast at the stove (which was also in the family room), which made me believe it was AM. She was also talking to herself a lot as she stared at the pan on the stove, saying things like "No, I won't have one. Okay I will. Just put it aside for me. I don't know, I'm not sure. Just get one for yourself. Put that one over there." I looked at Emil, confused, and asked why she was talking to herself. To which he replied "It's probably because she used to live at that Applebee's." Sara turned to us and said "Oh yeah, I remember, with like 5 other people."

So confusing.

Flavor Flav and the Magical Barn

I dreamed that I lived in a beautiful old farmhouse that had so much potential if I only had the time to work on it. It had this rundown but charming barn behind it that was my favorite part.

I had to leave my farmhouse to run a benefit for Georgians for Alternatives to the Death Penalty. We fed people southern barbecue there. In the middle of my speech Flavor Flav started heckling me and being a total jerk. He offended everyone and people started leaving. I started crying at the podium and then ran backstage.

When I saw Flav in the hallway I yelled at him "you cost us $10,000!! you have to give me a $10,000 donation to make up for this!" Then I made myself a to-go plate of barbecue and went home.

When I got home I saw that my friends had all been working on the barn - they turned it into a magical wonderland place with chinese lanterns, lots of blue ceramic tile and antiques on shelves. Ela had built a sweat lodge inside the barn and Mica had assembled a tea party with old cast iron tea kettles.

American Cheese

I dreamed that I handed my sister a piece of American cheese that I'd taken out of its wrapper. Two of the corners were hard and darker than the rest.

Sorry, sister! I'll bring you wonderful cheese in real life, I promise.

Groceries, The Mall, and Bathrooms, As Usual

I dreamed I was in a supermarket with Marc and his son. It was a fancy kind; all the shelves were wood and all the produce was displayed impeccably. I avoided the meat section, just like in real life. At some point, I heard music coming from around the corner from the produce section. There was a noise band playing. Somebody's voice told me that this was the new location of the Wisco (for non-Madisonians, the Wisco is this dive bar that smells like pee). I felt strange that I didn't know about the new club. It looked like one of those youth centers I used to go to in high school - yellowish plaid couches and bulletin boards on the walls. And all that produce!

Later, I was walking along a black gravel driveway on the side of the mountain, looking for Marc, who was my ride. I couldn't find him so I got into my own car, which was being driven by Sarah. As she was driving, she lost control of the car. I looked over at her and realized she'd pulled the key out of the ignition and couldn't get it back in. I grabbed the steering wheel that was all of a sudden conveniently located right in front of me and pulled us off the side of the road. We sat there for quite awhile, unable to start my car.

I was all of a sudden in a mall, looking for a bathroom (which has totally happened before) and looking for Boston Store (aka Carson's). I walked past my mother, my sister, and a former teacher. None of us acknowledged each other, and I woke up confused. At some point though (I'm unclear on when) my mom told me that Boston Store had gone out of business. I was upset because I really needed a bathroom.

Scary Tarantula Sex

I dreamed that me and D. had 2 pet tarantulas. At first there were 3 in one cage, but later just 2. One was the male and it was much larger than the other. I hated them but mostly the big male. Plus he looked a little squished. I asked D. why we could not set it loose outside? She explained that the climate here was not suitable for the tarantula and it would die either by man or nature. It was scary. Then I saw the 2 tarantulas mating. The male was on top of the female. He put his claws which looked like needles slowly into holes which were in her back. The holes would fill with blood, then he'd pull the needle out, and put it in another hole. I was very concerned that this was not a consensual act, but then saw she was doing the same thing to him. Later there was a ghost in my room and the tarantulas were under the bed. Everything was very scary!

Then it turned into a boring work dream and I dreamed about students I worked with several years ago. They were having a cooking competition and I ate their food. I remember thinking that when they were MY students, we never had anything as good as this cooking competition.

Daily Menu

I dreamed I was reading this piece of paper that belonged to this guy I know a little bit. The first part had detailed his running schedule (how much he runs each day) and how he feels after. The second part was his daily menu. Here is what I remember:

Breakfast AM
2 Breakfast sandwiches (I took this to mean McDonalds egg mcmuffins or something along that line)
1 bar - chocolate cereal root beer

AM Snack
1 slice of gum - Juicy Fruit (but there was a picture of minty gum next to it!)

Lunch
Bread and Toast

I don't remember the rest, but I do remember that by dinner he wrote something like "You wouldn't believe how the full sets in," implying that he didn't even need dinner. I kept reading his meals, wondering what the hell kind of eating plan this was. Low carb? High bread? I just didn't get it!

Unsatisfying Breakfast

In my dream, I'd just met my mom in a restaurant. We were supposed to have breakfast together, but they'd just stopped serving it. She'd already ordered, so she was safe. My only two choices were "Meat Pie," which looked like a mixture of meatloaf and dirt, or "Berries and Cream," which was blackberries mixed into this whipped cream. I knew that it would taste just like this stuff my ex-boyfriend's Belgian father used to make...one of the most delicious things I've ever tasted.

Jacob was our waiter, but he kept looking at us and laughing, shaking his head, then going to other tables. Everything was loud and crowded, and I kept thinking to myself "It's breakfast! All I want is an egg sandwich!"

The next day, in real life, I had a delicious breakfast: a garden skillet with two eggs over medium. It totally made me feel better about the dream.

Just Remembered More

I just remembered three more parts of my dream last night:

1. I had a wonderful revelation about how much I loved mild cheddar cheese, and decided that I should buy that at the store more often

2. I was dyeing my hair on my own and I left it in for over an hour, and after I washed it out in the shower, it was still pink and not purple like I wanted it.

3. I pulled my pajama pants up over my boobs and wore them like a onesie. My sister used to do this when we were younger and we called her "The Woomba Monster." She would chase us around the backyard like this...

Going to India

I dreamed I was on a plane heading for India. I was with my parents and siblings and we were all put in different rows of the plane. The plane was huge; there were three seats on either side of the plane like a usual giant plane, but in the middle, the row must have held about 10 seats. My mother was in the middle of that, I was on one of the sides, and my sister was a few rows behind me.

I mostly remembered the food they served because we got a choice of caesar salad or "other," which was the same as caesar but with no dressing. I got regular and regretted it. The rest of it was mushy piles of things in other colors. I think it's funny because everybody on the plane was really mad and grossed out about having to eat Indian food on the plane. My mom stood up in the middle of the row of seats, hands on her hips, exasperated look on her face. I think she was trying to lead a protest or something. But we were going to India, guys! What gives?

At one point, there were rumors flying around about how the pilot was considering stopping randomly to pick up one woman in another country. Everybody was mad about this. Right when our food was being served, the place took a sudden nosedive. I could see that we were landing at some airport (I somehow had a view looking straight out the front of the plane) and as the plane went down, I made some strange noises and said really quietly and bored-ly "nooooo..." We stopped in "Europe" and let on like 8 guys who looked exactly the same: big and fat and hairy. My father complained to somebody at the airport saying it wasn't fair that we were paying all this money and these guys got to ride for free. I started to go to stop him, but Emil stopped me. "It's for the workers," he told me. Dad's arguing to get them a better wage."

Later, when we were in India, I couldn't ever decide what to wear, and every time we got in a car and drove somewhere, I could see us (kind of in a cartoon-y way) on an actual map, a tiny car following a line from one city to the next. It was hot in India, and we all had a ton of cell phones that we made a lot of calls on.

Later, I was playing cards (Gin, or Rummy 500, or whatever you want to call it - I don't know) and I bet "my mother's ring," which really was just this giant purple tacky ring I own. This bitchy girl won it, but I was like "no way, asshole, that's my mother's ring." She was mad and told me "You knew this game was for real." But I refused. The cops came, and all of a sudden there were people everywhere, and I think maybe a few dead bodies...yuck.

Menagerie of Small Animals and a Peeing Hedgehog

I dreamed last night that I had a menagerie of small wild animals living in my back yard. When I say small, I mean as in Small Horses (which incidentally are one of the funniest of all creatures as far as I'm concerned), not baby animals but smaller versions of full-size ones.

There were small elephants, small white siberian tigers, small horses actually, small gazelles, small great danes. And though several of them are naturally predator/prey to each other, they weren't mean and mostly rolled around playfully in a very cute way. I would feed them by tossed balls of raw meat - like meatballs - in their general direction. They all ate the meat even the vegetarian elephants and gazelles.

I kept getting distracted from my feeding by my old pet hedgehog Sally Pineapple who had broken free in my house and was peeing giant puddles everywhere. I couldn't catch her because whenever I would get close she would roll up into a spiky ball making it impossible to pick her up. And then when I'd go get an oven glove she'd run off and pee a huge puddle again and then roll into a ball so I couldn't catch her. Rinse. Repeat.

2 Year-Old Meatball Sauce in a Crock Pot

I'm planning on making this recipe for Crock Pot Lasagna tonight. Yesterday Reem and I discussed when we bought the crock pot- specifically to make meatballs in for a Halloween Party a couple years ago.

I dreamed last night that I took the crock pot out of the back of the cupboard where its been for the last couple years and when I lifted the lid, the inside was still caked with 2 year-old sauce from the meatballs. The smell was awful. I took it outside and used the hose to clean it out.

Hash Browns

I had a really long and detailed dream that I can't for the life of me remember. But I remember one intricate part of the dream was that I was making breakfast. I wanted to make hash browns to go on the side of banana pancakes (of which I talked about making the night before, but nothing about hash browns).

So in the dream I am putting ingredients into a big metal bowl to make hash browns, this is what I put in it:
1 1/3 cups vegetable oil
a handful of pretzles
1 1/3 cup of sugar

I mixed it all together then added some corn starch. As I was stirring I realized I needed more pretzles so I added more. But as I kept stirring the pretzles turned into Cinnamon Toast Crunch squares. I then put it in a pan on the stove and cooked it like you would hash browns. I tasted a piece and thought to myself, these will go great with my pancakes.

Thats all I remember, but I know this was a small snippet of a really long dream!

Starring Dustin Hoffman as Me

I was in a library on the second floor and I kept walking between aisles of chairs, very close together. I was wearing a giant skirt, similar to my purple one, so it kept brushing against people as I walked by. I saw this kid, about 9 or 10 or so, checking out a book with his mother.

All of a sudden, it was my responsibility to drive this kid to a sleepover party. We were in a fancy neighborhood, picking up two of his friends (one of whom I worked with in camp a few years ago). It was dark, and there were two headlights (not attatched to anything) in the front yard of a house. "I have to go turn those lights off," said the boy. "No, I'll do it," I told him. "Is it so you can grab some of those jelly beans?" he asked. I looked in the front yard. It was now daytime, bright outside, and there was a giant bowl of very large jelly beans right next to a tree in the yard. "Yeah, that's why I'm going to go," I said.

For some reason, I had to run to do it. I first turned out the light by squeezing these two small, bright pink balloons that felt like they were filled with sand.. They were in the bowl of jelly beans, amidst the jelly beans, but I somehow knew which ones to squeeze. I then started frantically grabbing as many jelly beans as I could, holding them all in my arms. At one point I thought that I should put them in my shirt or something, but my brain told me "there's no time!" so I didn't. I was about to return to the car, but at the last minute, I also grabbed an apple from the lawn. Right as I did that....the COPS showed up! Boooo!

He was nice, kind of oaf-y, and asked me why I was doing this. "Look man, I just want the kids to get to their sleepover," I said to him. He agreed, but also told me that I'd need to go to jail anyhow. It was a minimum security jail...so minimum, in fact, that you could go home to sleep every night. My friend Mark from high school was there. I wondered if his band was able to be successful while he was in jail. I also realized that he was in there for tax fraud.

All of a sudden, I was watching this all as a movie and "I" was being played by Dustin Hoffman. I watched him exit this building that I recognized, followed by Rahm Emanuel. The building was "where my brother and father get their hair cut," which is real life is owned by Ralph and Tony, but in my dream, was owned by Rahm's father. He was also a therapist. The sign on the door said "come on in!" Rahm yelled at Dustin to get back inside the jail or he'd ruin it for the rest of the people there, which I believe is a quote from The Simpsons.

Next, I was in Hong Kong with Emil. We entered our hotel and walked up a few flights of stairs that were only about 16 inches in diameter. "I knew this fucking country would make me claustrophobic," I said. The Emil, Sara, and I traded cars and drove around while talking to each other. I think we may have gone to a concert.

Tailgating Table and All + Some Others

I had another group of extremely disjointed dreams last night and this morning. I ate a Cheesy Gordita Crunch before bed. I wonder if that's what did it.

1. I was "tailgating" with my family following some kind of concert. I think it was after seeing a play or orchestra or something because it was in a big auditorium. My cousins and I all texted each other to meet up in one place. We exited the building to find my mother setting up a crazy spread on these silver folding tables with white paper tablecloths outside a warehouse. It was on a busy street and the air was dirty. She'd made a baked brie and a bunch of "sausage rolls," which were giant hot dog looking things wrapped in fried dough. I kept trying to take pictures of my cousins Luai, taken between two rolls of paper towels, but every time I aimed the camera right at him, it would take a picture right next to him. When he did appear in the picture, he had enormous buck teeth.

Also, a hearse kept getting in the frame, and I worried about seeming inconsiderate to the people involved in the funeral since I was taking a picture of the hearse. Then I realized the hearse was pulling us and the table on a trailer that was hitched behind it. We were moving, tailgating table and all.

2. I was Samantha from Sex and the City and somebody was proposing to me. I cried really really hard because I couldn't marry this person, but it was "the perfect ring." Apparently I really had that whole Samantha character captured pretty well. The ring was either a yellow or light green color and was some kind of stone that wasn't a diamond.

3. I could see the inside of my eyes really well and everything that was going on. There was a black, blurry looking thing flying around that I thought was maybe a bat. I tried really hard to open my eyes but I couldn't do it. Then I saw an eyelash and it was swirling around in rapid, tiny circles.

4. I received an email from a 5 year old child and at the end it said "eagerly awaiting your response."

Bits and Pieces

I don't remember any continuity in this dream, or hardly any details. But it's sticking in my mind.

I ate a banana. It was the most delicious thing I'd ever eaten. I contemplated having another.

I was in a crowded room with Breena, and Fred walked by. He was talking but I couldn't understand the words he was saying, although they were in English.

I was reading over my friend's shoulder. He was writing on his computer. He didn't know I was there, but it wasn't like I was spying. It was okay that I was reading it. Here's what I remember:

I keep hinting to Reem about the writing. She won't pick up on it. It's always got to be about love, but she doesn't even trust love. It's always love, never like.

Then it said something like "fleesch."

I woke up in a crabby mood.

Reverend Run and Jelly

I have a recurring dream about school. It's always high school, and it's always the end of the semester and I need to go take finals but a)I haven't been to class all semester so I don't know what we're studying and I haven't done any of the work and b)I don't know where the classroom is. What a boring recurring dream. It crept in a bit to the dream I had last night, but slightly more interesting. Only slightly - don't get excited...

I was in a high school english class that was being taught by Mr. Katimsky from My So-Called Life (I've watched over half the series in the last 24 hours in real life). We were supposed to do research papers on somebody. I had no idea who, or what the point of the paper was, or what we were supposed to include. My partner was Michael Masters, who I went to grade school with, and he was making his oral presentation. WHen he was finished, Mr. Katimsky said "Do you have anything to add?" and all I could think of to do was to come up with adjectives to describe the individual. First, I realized that Michael had been talking about Run from Run DMC. Next, I described him as "out there," "over the top," and "a spitfire."

Then Mr. Katimsky asked if I'd like to share my paper. I told him it wasn't done. My friend Johnny appeared and said his wasn't done either. I was bummed because I thought it could have been a cool paper - Run is interesting, I'm sure. I kept wondering how I'd be able to do the paper that night, since I went to school and worked teaching piano full time. Later, after I woke up, I had to tell myself like 5 times that I did not have to write that paper.

In the dream, I did offer to share this other thing with the class. I reached out the window and my arm stretched all the way to the blacktop ground outside, even though we were on the 2nd or 3rd floor, and I gathered some apricot jelly out of a jar with a long-handled white spoon. I passed it around the class to whoever wanted it. "I have strawberry or apricot," I told them. I was surprised at how many people had open faced peanut butter sandwiches sitting on their desks.

I got to Stephanie, another person I went to grade school with. "Do you have any apricot?" she asked. "No, only strawberry and apricot," I replied. She said "Ew" and I gave a serving of apricot to Rachel (also from grade school) who was sitting next to her. At this point, the spoon was gone and I was serving handfuls of jelly. I laughed about it. My hands were not sticky.

Secret Admirer

I was in a suite on the top floor of a fancy hotel. I'd just gotten out of the shower and was in a white bathrobe and towel when there came a knock at my door. It was a little boy, about three years old, who handed me a note. I took it, thanking him, and remembering that "this had been happening all night." That is, little kids were delivering notes to all the hotel guests all night and this was the third one I'd received.

As the boy turned to leave, I realized that I recognized him. "Hey, are you Reginald?" I asked. He looked back at me and his clothes transformed from regular clothes to a plaid short-pants outfit and he said "yeah." I knew him from this website. If you ever want to know what's funny in life, check that link.

After Reginald left, I opened the note. It was from a secret admirer. It told me to open my door at 8:00 pm and follow the trail. The trail would be made out of "gruyère cheese pieces, each topped with a savory onion ring" (word for word, what I remember), and that there would be nine of them leading me to my secret admirer. The note was typed in a pretty, swirly font, but somebody had crossed out "8:00 pm" and written, in sloppy handwriting and with a pen that was clearly running out of ink, "ten after 9:00."

I was excited for a little while until I realized it might be this one particular ex-boyfriend of mine, who I would never ever want to get back together with. I got all nervous and started practicing how to "let him down easy."