Showing posts with label divorce. Show all posts
Showing posts with label divorce. Show all posts

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

My biggest Fear is Sharks

Scuba Diving among sharks and realizing they are getting feisty; I won't make it to the boat, so I go to the bottom of the ocean because if I am 'grounded' the sharks can't touch me. But they keep circling and I am going to run out of air if I stay here and there's no way I'll make it to the boat before they will get to me and the panic wakes me up.

Almost immediately I fall back asleep and am in the car having decided to go to the airport to use the shower. I go to park in front [which would likely get me arrested in real life] and almost pass by an empty space so I try a tight turn but hit the car next to me into the car next to it. Damage seems minimal so I start to leave but a guy I went to middle school with comes hurrying up to me and I try to ignore him because I figure its about the cars, but he asks, incredulously, "why do you have to make everything about your divorce?"
"I don't, in fact I'm only just beginning to use the words 'K----' and 'ex-wife' in conversation and mostly only with close friends." I am relieved this is not about the cars I hit.
"But I've been watching you [I haven't seen him in 17 years] and your conversations always turn towards it."
"Well," I begin, "let me tell you why the last 8 years of my life were devoted to her in a variety of ways..." then I tell the whole story [which I will not repeat here] which feels like I talk in my dream for half an hour, with other random people arriving and taking interest in my story. I find it interesting, but am releived, that he does not point out the fact I made this conversation about my divorce.
[I wake up depressed and its snowing outside. I lay in bed wondering what part of me is stuck in middle school and is incredulous about my divorce...I hope to get back there and talk more with 'him']

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Beach walk

[I must second Sara's excitment on recalling the dreams as I have been drinking my dreams away for months.  Being invited to this blog brought me to not drink last night, and I even ate chips and salsa at 3am to try and induce wild dreams (as hot food in my sleeping stomach riles the psyche); also it must have been five years since I became near-lucid in a dream like this. Synchronously intriguing.  Enough about me, onto the dream:]

I find myself walking down a beach i've never been on before.  There are thin, long barrier islands running along the beach not too far out, but there are still giant waves crashing.  The islands are covered with overgrown jungle.  This thick greenness is over-colored with the sunset's burnt oranges, but they are not colors that I have ever seen in the waking world and their brightnesses are in odd patterns and rows of light -- but there are no clouds in the sky.  These perplexities and the waves crashing onto the shore when the islands should be stopping them give me pause.  I feel a slight jolt of consciousness but it slips away. I fall back into the dream.
I find myself walking again.  I come upon beach chairs where my ex-wife and her best friend are chatting.  The ex- looks up at me and nonchalantly asks if I am here for the wedding celebration.  This question slices the veil completely open this time and I know I am dreaming, which lends me some semblance of control of what I 'say' to 'her,' "I am not going anywhere with you ever again.  We have agreed to let go of one another's life.  You no longer need be here."  This I think towards her figure as gently as I can because I know its not her, and yet she's in here with me.
I surround her in a thick white light -- and am waking from the dream as I do so -- and she glows into a white silhouette and melts/lowers into the ground, leaving in her place a hovering image of Jupiter (the planet) which is collaged together from the same oranges the trees should not have been able to reflect...