Celebrities and More Underwears

In the first part of my dream, I was at a conference in a hotel with my parents and siblings. I don't know what the conference was about, but there were a lot of people dressed in ball gowns. Very glittery and sequin-y and tons of colors, mostly bright pinks and blues and greens. The material of the dresses was usually shiny. So basically, it sort of looked like an Arabic wedding. We argued about wear to park so that we wouldn't have to walk far in the rain.

We were in the lobby of the hotel, gathered around a table full of papers that we were supposed to fill out. The papers were messy and unorganized. I sat at the table with glasses on, trying to find the right form. Just then, somebody walked up to the table and placed a book, standing up, right in the middle. The book was Fatherhood. Which means that the man who put it there was...

BILL COSBY.

For real. He was bigger in person than he is on television. Not taller or fatter, but his proportions were bigger. He was a bigger kind of human than we all were. He smiled as he put the book down, and we somehow knew he was promoting it. Due to my quick wit (duh), I said "Oh, self-promotion, eh?" and Bill and the whole crowd burst into laughter. In all the craziness of laughing, the book fell over on its side, and I grabbed another opportunity at hilarity and yelled "Booooooo!" Bill Cosby laughed and laughed, and I remember thinking "Yes! I got two laughs out of Bill Cosby, and he's a comedian!" Really though, I think I'm much funnier than this in real life.

In the second part of my dream, I was talking to a professor of mine who ended up being Robert Downey Jr (who I've totally had a dream about before). As we were talking, I realized he was getting flirty and that there might be some Sexy Results. He asked me to come back later that night for a "meeting" (yeah right, Downey Jr) so I went to find my friend so we could go home and change. My friend had to keep score at a cheerleading competition, though, so we got held up and I kept looking impatiently at the time, not wanting to miss Sexy Results. The friend keeping score perched on the scoreboard above the gymnasium floor, manually hanging numbers on hooks when points were scored. At some point, she also hung a ten-year-old boy by his shirt from one of the hooks, as a prank. Everybody laughed.

I was sort of horrified until I realized there was a trampoline underneath him, and it was there as a safety precaution because this was all part of a movie we were making. I immediately panicked, wondering if Robert Downey Jr was only in the movie, or if I was going to see him again in real life. I couldn't tell.

Last thing: there was a pair of underwears in the back pocket of my jeans this entire time.

Now is Not the Time, Ozzy Osbourne.

The other night, I had a really long-seeming dream. I meant to write it down last week but I forgot, so here are some of the details I remember:

I was with my cousin Tony's wife, Jill, and she was driving a van in the neighborhood of my work. She and I and a few other people kept trying to get somewhere, but we seemed to just stay in the same area, still driving. At one point, she brought us to her apartment in Madison, which was very long. She also had two dogs that were blonde and furry. As I looked at them, I thought to myself, "they're just like ____ (in my mind, a combination of bears ad pigs), but much fluffier!"

Later, I was back in the van with Rob, who I know here in Madison. We were with a third person who I didn't know at the time. The third person said he needed to make a stop. We pulled over near these condos on the same street on which I work and he got out. Rob and I were talking, but out of the corner of my eye I saw the third guy standing outside the condos. It was Ozzy Osbourne! He was wearing all black with round, black sunglasses, and he was aiming his remote car starter at a window on the 2nd or 3rd floor. I immediately recognized that as "the sign" for buying pot. Specifically from this guy who's a concert promoter here in town. "Hey!" I yelled indignantly. "He doesn't get to buy pot now! I've got to get to work!"

I was in a hurry to leave, so I figured I'd get out of the van and walk the 8 blocks to work. As I left, Rob gave me a gift - a tennis ball covered in rainbow-colored confetti and streamers.

Golf and TMI

In my dream, I had concrete proof as to why golf was so sucky. I have no idea what it was.

I also dreamed I had a UTI (TMI, right?) and the doctor called my mom to tell her about it. My Dad perscribed me some medicine and I had to drive an hour over a bridge that looked like the Golden Gate Bridge to the area south of Chicago. The sky and lake were sparkling blue and everything was beautiful, but the UTI really made it all annoying.

Nothing Better to Do

I was at some kind of school assembly that was taking place in a big field. There were hundreds of chairs organized in very neat rows, and a big square stage at the center of them all. I sat down in a row right behind some of my friends. Some music started playing, and even though I didn't recognize it, I knew when to begin singing and what lyrics and tune to sing. As soon as I started singing, I realized it was "Rosanna" by Toto. I looked up to check out the band that was playing it, and realized the lead singer of this band was the actual lead singer from the band Toto! I thought to myself, "he probably has nothing better to do." Also, he looked nothing like him in real life.

Later, my row of chairs was removed from the group by some kind of forklift, and then I was in the car with my brother Emil and cousin Luai, looking for a wedding gift for a cousin of ours in London. We drove to a part of Madison I'd never been to. There were several Arabic stores and a Home Depot. The street name started with the letter B. Emil picked out an ugly necklace as a gift, which I didn't really like, but I kept my mouth shut because I was bored and wanted to leave the store.

A Day in DeKalb

I dreamed I was with my friend Genia, visiting her hometown of DeKalb, IL. I've been to DeKalb numerous times in real life, but in my dream, I never had. In this dream, it was a booming city, really; there were two very tall buildings, one of which was painted with white and multi-colored checkers on the outside. We drove around in a car and I sat in the backseat with my head out the window like a dog, and I was fascinated with the city streets we passed.

Down one street, it looked like an olde-timey sort of area; old brown brick buildings with awnings and a lot of pharmacies. This one street had about 300 signs coming off buildings. Like this:



They each said the name of what kind of business it was, like "DENTIST," "STORE," "SHOES," and "TOYS," all in capital letters and written vertically. They were al different colors and overlapped with each other. It was amazing.

Down another street was two gigantic casinos. In a third location there was a coffee shop that's entrance was a giant octopus. Sort of like the Vortex in Atlanta, who's entrance is a giant skull:



There was other stuff that went on, but it mostly involved Genia and I drinking in a shitty bar and meeting two guys who tried to steal my two dollars worth of quarters. I'm not gonna dignify those dicks with anymore attention. So there!

Loved by God in a Minivan

I dreamed I was at one of my student/family's houses, giving them groceries. The father of the family (who is not the father in real life) was small and creepy and had unwashed hair. He rushed around the house trying to find me a bottle of wine. I wondered if I'd ever get kidnapped and hidden in their basement.

We got in their minivan and drove around the neighborhood. They had just moved in and were unfamiliar with their surroundings. Emil was in the minivan too; he sat in the row behind the mother and I. At one point, we passed some old sheds or garages or something and Emil talked about the historical importance of them. Later, we passed a church, and the mother said that she hoped it would be a good church for her family. Emil started rolling his eyes and questioning her faith. I gave him a look that was meant to say "chill out and be respectful, these are my clients." At that point, the mother put her arm around me, leaned over, and told me:

God loves you. God will always love you.

I kept nodding and saying "I know, I know." And I smiled a lot.

That was really nice.

Russell Simmons, Mom, and I in the Minivan

Well sir, I had a funny dream last night. I dreamed that Russell Simmons was driving my mother and I around in a minivan. He sat in the driver's seat, and mom and I sat in the way back.

We got pulled over because none of us were wearing seat belts. Russell insisted it was racial profiling. Later, we competed in vaguely olympic-like events that required wearing backpacks and crossing a room that looked like a pool with no water.

Boring Stuff

I was staying in a hotel with Sarah somewhere in the suburbs of Chicago, and we needed a ride to my parents' house, which is also in the suburbs of Chicago. Instead of asking one of my 50 zillion family members for a ride, we called Sarah's dad and asked him to come down from Michigan to drive us. While he was on his way, we hung out in the hotel room.

Sarah's dad arrived with her little sister Hannah, and some guy named Andre who kind of hung out and complained a lot. WHen our bill for the room came, I was mad because they'd charged us 76 cents for a bottle of "Peanut Butter Water" and 25 cents for "Vanilla Breath Spray." I kept reading the bill obsessively, trying to remember if we'd had those things and we hadn't, so I asked them to remove the charges. "I know it's just a dollar, but it's the principle of it all," I explained. Then Sarah appeared and announced that she may have used those things on her cruise last year, so that's why they were there. Whoops a daisy!

Later we drove on a specific highway in Madison (the one coming north from Mount Horeb into town) and all the roads were closed due to construction. I followed a maroon mini van, swerving in and out of piles of dirt.

Later, I watched American Idol on television, and the theme of the night was "On the Lanai."

Groceries, The Mall, and Bathrooms, As Usual

I dreamed I was in a supermarket with Marc and his son. It was a fancy kind; all the shelves were wood and all the produce was displayed impeccably. I avoided the meat section, just like in real life. At some point, I heard music coming from around the corner from the produce section. There was a noise band playing. Somebody's voice told me that this was the new location of the Wisco (for non-Madisonians, the Wisco is this dive bar that smells like pee). I felt strange that I didn't know about the new club. It looked like one of those youth centers I used to go to in high school - yellowish plaid couches and bulletin boards on the walls. And all that produce!

Later, I was walking along a black gravel driveway on the side of the mountain, looking for Marc, who was my ride. I couldn't find him so I got into my own car, which was being driven by Sarah. As she was driving, she lost control of the car. I looked over at her and realized she'd pulled the key out of the ignition and couldn't get it back in. I grabbed the steering wheel that was all of a sudden conveniently located right in front of me and pulled us off the side of the road. We sat there for quite awhile, unable to start my car.

I was all of a sudden in a mall, looking for a bathroom (which has totally happened before) and looking for Boston Store (aka Carson's). I walked past my mother, my sister, and a former teacher. None of us acknowledged each other, and I woke up confused. At some point though (I'm unclear on when) my mom told me that Boston Store had gone out of business. I was upset because I really needed a bathroom.

Twofer

I was in a band of thieves. We were in a van on the way to a school we were going to hit. My liver started acting up. One of the guys went in gently with a knife and removed two pair of tweezers which had been lodged between my spine and liver. When we got to the school the parking lot was full of cars on a Saturday. We couldn't do the job because it was a teacher workday.

My family was at the swimming pool and Kyle was telling us how he had gotten accepted into a Master's program. I was walking to the deep end where I checked out the display shelves of underwear and linens. I had driven a minivan backwards through the neighborhood to get there.

Checkpoints and Rocket Ships

I had a dream that I was in Gaza in Tom's blue pickup truck. I was about to drive across the border to Israel. I was on a long highway and there was a huge line of cars waiting to cross. There was a checkpoint up ahead, but many officers were stationed every few yards who were checking cars. I got super nervous and looked in the passenger seat. There was a huge metal industrial meat cutter. I looked on the floor and there was a big plastic toy in a shopping bag that looked like a rocket ship. The rocket ship was blue and yellow. Somehow I knew that the rocket ship was actually used as a bomb, if you opened it up and put explosives inside.

I started to get really scared that I wouldn't be able to cross the checkpoint with what I had so I turned off onto a side street. There was an officer waiting there too. He motioned for me to come over. I asked him, "If I have something that I want to get rid of? Will I get in trouble?" He said no, that I could dump whatever I needed to with no questions asked. He opened my passenger side door and took out the meat cutter. He threw it into a huge dumpster that chopped it up into pieces. He came back over to my truck and said "I don't like doing this you know," and went on about how he was just doing his job, but didn't agree with what Israel was doing. I decided not to tell him about the rocket ship, if he didn't notice maybe the other officers wouldn't either. I drove back to the line to cross the checkpoint.

The next officers who stopped me were two young people, a girl and boy. They were dressed in jeans and blue and yellow polos, unlike the other officers who were all in grey uniforms. The girl opened my passenger side door and immediately grabbed the rocket ship and got really excited. "Look what I found here!" she said to boy and started saying stuff into her radio. I was terrified and started babbling excuses as to why I had it. The girl just stood there smiling and shaking her head. I said, "It's a toy. It's not what you think. Someone gave it to me." More officers started to show up. She held the rocket ship up to show them. They glared at me while the girl and boy smiled.

And then I woke up. I woke up terrified and couldn't fully fall back asleep after that.

63 Bus

I can only assume this is an anxiety dream about my first trip to a psychologist today.

I drempt I was in my home town, in Connecticut. I stepped outside of my house and walked to the end of the driveway by the mailbox. I stood there and saw that the 7 bus was coming (one of the buses I have to take today to get to my appointment). I got on and it was crowded. As I sat down in the front row I looked back and saw my mom and my sister, Victoria sitting on the bus with me. They smiled and waved and I smiled back. I assumed that Victoria had run to the previous stop to catch it before me. We drove around and finally we were at the Capital in Madison where I have to make my transfer. I jumped off and saw the 63 bus speed away. I ran to catch it and then it flipped over as it made its turn down one of the roads. Victoria caught up with me and said "God, aren't you so happy we weren't on that bus?" I ran up to it, worried about the passengers on it. It was on its side and one of the passengers came out and said "Help me lift the bus! There are three kids under here!" So along with a bunch of other people we lifted up the bus and a few kids were under some rubble. But they were ok. And I woke up.

Nipples and New Orleans

I had a dream that Tom had his nipples pierced. In the dream he was changing and took his shirt off and I saw the shiny metal rings and looked at him shocked. He was looking at himself in the mirror and couldn't decide if he wanted to keep them or not. I told I thought it was kind of ridiculous. I was trying to figure out how I didn't know he had them pierced.

When I woke up Tom was actually changing and getting ready for class. For a second I actually thought my dream had really happened and was going to ask him if he had his nipples pierced. I fell back asleep telling him about my dream.

Speaking of Tom, here is a dream he had and e-mailed to me the other day:

My brother and I were driving around Charlotte, and he was getting annoyed with me because I was driving and not doing too good of a job. For whatever reason I was driving from the backseat -- the steering wheel was behind the normal passenger seat and my brother was sitting in front - passenger side. I could barely see and was running red lights and nearly causing accidents all over town. We were getting close to a highway and I decided I shouldn't be driving so I pulled the car over.

When I got out, there was an old African American woman dressed like New Orleans sitting up against a building on the sidewalk. She was looking at me intently and said, "Bring me that blue bicycle." I was puzzled, but I looked back at my brother's car and sure enough my beloved bike was sticking out of the trunk. Apparently we were taking it somewhere. So I brought it to the woman and she began to slowly and carefully decorate it with Mardi Gras beads. Long purple green and yellow beads, it made me really happy.