Basically a Big Party

I was in a coffee shop with Anna, ordering lattes. When we got them, they were like giant chocolate milkshakes, but runny, which is perfect because sometimes milkshakes are too cold for my teeth. We turned to sit down at a table when I saw an old friend of mine out of the corner of my eye. He wore a white lab coat and disappeared around a corner.

"Namir?" I called as I followed him. He peered out from a doorway and replied "Yeeessss??" while at the same time, my cousin Laith peered out from a doorway across the hall, also wearing a white lab coat and saying "Yeeessss??" Laith was also pointing at his head insistently. He had shaved it bald. He smiled like a damn fool.

They both faded out and my guitar teacher appeared. He was wearing an adorable yellow bowtie and a black porkpie hat. I got excited and started to say to him "You look so nice..." but then I realized he was wearing a white sweat suit as well, so I finished with "...from the shoulders up!" The sweatshirt and sweatpants had two different colleges written on them; one was written in blue and one in black. He then put on a suit over the sweatsuit. The suit was black with pinstripes and was giant.

I returned to Anna and drank the rest of my latte milkshake. It had weird chunks at the bottom which I drank as I thought to myself "I may regret this in a moment."

I began singing the song "Nasty" by Janet Jackson. When I sang, the entire song came out of my mouth, drums and synth and voice and everything. As I sang, Anna and other people in the coffee shop started dancing. As I danced, I realized Will Smith was dancing right behind me. I kept singing and we formed a sort of demented conga line, just the two of us. When I got to the verse of the song, I somehow switched into "Rhythm Nation," which I didn't realize until I got to the chorus. I tried to do the Rhythm Nation dance, but my hands were full with a a giant box full of firecrackers. Here's what I missed out on:

Greasy Hair and Tiny Paper Airplanes

I was with my friend Christopher in some kind of outdoorsy camp. We walked into a building that looked just like the basement of the old Arabic church we used to go to. He sat on one couch and I sat on another. A wrestler or boxer or something sat on the arm of the couch Christopher was sitting on; he wanted to show us how greasy his hair was. He took off his hat and shook out his hair, shaking grease everywhere. Some landed on Christopher's yellow shirt, in little spots. He stood up, pissed. I knew there was about to be a fight...

Or so I thought! Both men stood up, facing each other, eye to eye. The wrestler/boxer proclaimed that he would be the one to decide what the "challenge" would be. So it was to be a challenge rather than a fight! This is much better...Anyhow, Wrestler/Boxer decided they'd do a competition with paper airplanes. They'd each stand across the room, facing each other, and one would throw a paper airplane at the other, who would then have to catch it. If he caught it, he'd win. That was that.

"This'll be easy!" I thought to myself. Until! You know there's gotta be a catch. Wrestler/Boxer got to pick out which piece of paper he used for the paper airplane! He walked towards a crowd of people and picked a tiny post-it note off the wall. The crowd oohed and aahed as Christopher and I looked on, worried. He was a daring and cunning foe, this Wrestler/Boxer.

With a sly look upon his face, he folded the tiny post-it into an even tinier paper airplane, and the two men took their places. My stomach flipped over and over, and for some reason, a movie played on an old television on the floor. It was all of a sudden understood that the paper airplane would be thrown as soon as the end credits of the movie were over. Suddenly, the credits were over and the lights dimmed. Wrestler/Boxer threw the miniscule airplane and it spiraled out of control. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Christopher dive for it and land behind an old brown couch. Silence filled the room as he emerged from behind the couch, a crumpled paper airplane in his hand. Cheers erupted and I went to hug him. We immediately headed out of the room, arm in arm. He was wearing my red sweater.

Short but Not So Sweet

I had a dream that my hair was UGLY.
Then I woke up in real life and my hair was UGLY.

Prince Valium

I dreamed that when Alex came over to pick me up, he had gotten his hair cut like Prince Valium, the sleepy prince from Spaceballs. You know, the guy that Druish Princess Vespa was supposed to marry before Lone Star and Barf saved her. That old guy. Anyway, Alex looked just like him, bangs, hair curled under at the ends and maybe even a little lip gloss.

I looked at him in horror- I could not understand why he would do such a thing to his appearance. Reading my mind he says "You wanted me to try to be more fashionable." He became more and more amused the more I stared in horror. He batted his luxurious eyelashes at me, puckered his shiny lips and started to sing, "America, FUCK YEAH!" his favorite line from Team America. This guy with a Prince Valium haircut is taunting me?!?!

I just stood there wondering if we really had to leave the house that night.

Hypnotic Hair Dye

As part of a research study, I was hypnotized and then given a series of tasks to perform over 8 hours. The tasks were easy and mundane. The only one I remember was "find someone listening to ___" (specific song). So I was walking around doing some tasks. I felt stoned and things were slightly unclear. I passed a store front that advertised wedding treats. I went inside to pick up something for some friends who are getting married in the future. It turns out that it was a naughty bakery, and I was not sure if a cake-penis or cake-breast was really appropriate to bring. Then my twin sister and her partner showed up, and they both had hot pink streaks in their hair. The women working at the bakery brought me to the back where it was a huge salon. They said, "You would look SO good with pink hair too." I kind of laughed and said, "Yeah" in a way that apparently gave the impression that I wanted them to dye my hair. I left the naughty baker/salon, and continued trying to do my tasks. Then I realized they had put foil in my hair and that I was supposed to go back - they thought I wanted them to dye my hair! So I went back, and fumbled over my words. I said, "I'm not on drugs, but I'm hypnotized!" They charged me $90 and I said, "I'll pay, but I don't want my hair dyed, nor do I want a naughty cake!" and the guy looked at me like I was crazy. They clearly forgot that a wedding treat was the original reason for me going into the store in the first place. I returned to my original starting point. I have no idea how many "tasks" (if any) I actually completed.

Just Remembered More

I just remembered three more parts of my dream last night:

1. I had a wonderful revelation about how much I loved mild cheddar cheese, and decided that I should buy that at the store more often

2. I was dyeing my hair on my own and I left it in for over an hour, and after I washed it out in the shower, it was still pink and not purple like I wanted it.

3. I pulled my pajama pants up over my boobs and wore them like a onesie. My sister used to do this when we were younger and we called her "The Woomba Monster." She would chase us around the backyard like this...

Nursing School, Sex, Hairy Toes, Oh my!

11 hours of sleep + melatonin = ...

It was the last day of school, as I work in a university. We were closing it down but also I was there with my current coworker M and a past coworker K. M, K, and I were all taking exams to get into nursing school. The exam was given by my current boss, who looked nothing like my actual current boss. I felt huge anxiety about this test and ended up leaving. We only had 20 minutes to do it and it was multiple choice. I could actually see the questions and answers in my dream, they were very scientific. Like "The Knee Cap and Petella are the same thing: true or false?" That's just an example, most were very hard and full of jargon. Time was up and I only did about a quarter of the exam.

This boss lady came to talk with me. She said she was very surprised and disappointed in me but that she would give me some extra time. I told her I was anxious about taking the test but also anxious about going into nursing school as I am squeamish about needles. She said I would get over that. I finished the test and she said I did very well.

Then in the school I was working as a hairdresser who only dyed people's hair jet black with a tar-like substance. There was someone evil across the way who tricked a person to sign up to pay a million dollars a month to get their hair done. This person was not too worried about it, but I tore up the contract and dyed their hair for free. That black stuff was everywhere.

At some point I had sex with a lady. It was fun.

Then I was back in time. It was the '50s or '60s and bowling had just been invented. So we were at a bowling alley and everyone looked like a greaser but you had to shower before and after you bowled, like at a swimming pool. So I came out of the locker room in just my underwear. No big deal. Everyone was exclaiming about this wacky new phenomenon of bowling. We bowled.

Then I sat in the corner with my shoes off and noticed that my toes were disgusting. I had really long hair growing between my toes. Like, as long as the hair on my head. It was thick and glossy. Someone commented, asking if I had noticed the hair before, and I said no! And quickly cut it off.

There was much more to the dream, but that's enough for now. Phew.

Eyebrow Superstore

I dreamed I was at an airport. Once I was through security, I started running, but then realized I had plenty of time. I started browsing, noting that "the bagel place" was now called "Christie's" and it was a fancy-shmancy lunch place with giant glass windows.

I walked past a giant store called Eyebrow Superstore. Now, being one to grasp any opportunity for a quick "gettin' my eyebrows did" moment, I walked inside the store. There were about five separate "pedicure stations" (all of these things had names in my head - not sure what they were or meant though), each of which was filled with really awful people - all impolite and bossy and snotty. I got out of there quickly. I headed towards the "retail area" which I assumed was where I could get my eyebrows did, and saw a giant shelf with hundred of pristine white boxes with black block lettering that spelled "Laser Eyebrow Removal."

"This isn't what I signed up for!" I thought to myself. I didn't want laser eyebrow removal - just a simple wax or something! I tried to get out of there, fast, but every which way I turned, I encountered either more "pedicure stations" or people in white lab coats, holding samples of something.

The dream ended there.

Silver or White or Burning

It's not really a recurring dream, but I often dream about my hair. I don't know if its because my hair is currently having an identity crisis and changes color literally every time I wash it, or because my hair is important to me, or maybe because I could be anywhere from vain to losing self-esteem to organized to sexually curious. Check that link - it's funny. Anyhow, I probably dream about my hair once or twice a week.

Last night, I dreamed that I was blow drying my hair in my parents' bathroom and the hair dryer kept slowly dying. I'd hit the button that said "Extra Surge Power" or something, and there would be a little surge, but then it kept dying out. I looked in the mirror and noticed that the sides of my hair were a white/silvery color. In my head, my hair was "Ice." Ice didn't mean actual ice, though, it was just what my hair was, and the color it was. Once it was "Ice," then my hair turned into a cool light/pale blue and I remember not being able to tell if it was closer to "silver or white or burning." That's what I thought in the dream.

Not a Dream...

Okay, so this is not a dream, but I want to share what was in my head when I woke up this morning. It was my voice, saying to somebody:

I've had enough of your Farrah Fawcett hair and dead eyes!

What the hell?? I wish I remembered what I was dreaming!

Locks

I am riding up a ski lift over an unsowy mountian.  Not knowing wny I am here, or even thinking to think such a thought I ride to the top where something in the view reminds me I am looking for an old school-teacher of mine.  I go inside the cabin and decide that I need dreadlocks (my real-life hair is not down past my cheeks yet).  Within seconds I have rolled the short, thin, straight hair into tight dreadlocks down to my ass.  I can't believe the sensation as I wave my head around.  I can feel the weight - like I have a whole new set of appendages.  

Now I feel prepared, but as I walk towards the exit of the cabin I am suddenly in a motel room with an unknown younger lady lying on the floor between the beds on a pile of pillows, she is wearing a Mindfold and her face turns towards me as she tells me how beautiful my dreads are becoming.  This confuses me because they already are.  So I turn to look into the large vanity mirror facing every motel room bed.  Lo and behold I have at least 5 of those glass 7-day candles woven into some dreads, and birds are hanging a nest on another, along with the assortment of beads and other colorful devices.  

This menagerie is more than my belief can suspend and I awake.