Drag Queen at the Beach

It's been a long time since any of us have posted over here, but I've been having a lot of funny/crazy/sweet dreams lately so I thought I'd try posting again and see if any of y'all feel like joining me in resurrecting this baby.

I dreamed last night that I woke up today and left for the beach vacation I'm going on in May. When I got there, I ran through the white sand and it felt like Egypt. Then I started exploring the house we were staying in which was lovely but sorta 70s-ish.

I got to one room that was full of someone's stuff, including a bunch of crazy platform shoes and a whole lot of leopard print. I realized all of a sudden I was in the wrong house, and the house I was in belonged to the Most Famous Drag Queen of Key West. When I finally met her, she did a fashion show for me of all the platform shoes, and the most fabulous ones were total Lady Gaga - lime green patent spikes that poked into Mello Yello cans that she had to balance on top of.

Tag Team Wrestling

I dreamed I was about to compete in a big tag team wrestling match with my friend Mark from college. He was waiting for me on one side of the ring while I got my outfit together. I wore these really tight shiny bright royal blue warmup pants and a matching blue t-shirt. I also had on a ton of glittery yellow eye shadow and matching tights, also glittery yellow. I also wore a cape.

I approached the ring, slowly getting terrified because I have no idea how to wrestle. Even worse, I realized that Mark and I were up against Larry Sweeney, who would obviously beat us. Larry, being a gentleman as always, quickly tried to teach me some moves. I got distracted, however, when I realized the crowd of about 12,000 people was booing me. I looked down and realized that my pants had the Chicago Cubs logo all over them. The crowd was booing because they hated the Cubs! Dicks...

Married to Myself

I had a really weird, long, kind of depressing dream last night. I dreamed that it was the day before and the day of my wedding day. The day before, I was at the mall with Sara and Emil, and different people kept appearing and helping in preparation for the big day. Here are some of the things that happened:

-Mom gave me a little cup in which I was to provide a urine sample. "I just peed four times in the last hour, Mom!" I exclaimed. "Why couldn't you have asked me earlier?"

-Lauren O'Flynn showed up to help Sara make all the beds, at my parents house and at the mall

-I went to a wine store and bought two bottles of wine (one "cherry" and one "sweet apple") only so that I could use their bathroom, but then I was carrying too many bottles to actually use the bathroom.

-I had to go to the second floor of the mall to find a specific painting

-There was no parking, and I had to run through the parking lot for a long time in silver glittery high heels that look like a headband I have

Throughout all the adventures, I was really excited about getting married, but then I realized...I had no idea who I was getting married to! It wasn't until cousin Layla whispered to me "I'd be too embarrassed to do what you're doing...all those big moments!" that I realized I was going to marry myself. All of a sudden, anxious thoughts regarding those "big moments" flooded my brain. Who is my first dance going to be with? Who's going to stand up in front of all those people with me? Who am I going to cheers my champagne with?

That's when it got really sad and depressing, especially since, earlier yesterday, in real life, Sara and I had been talking about sad things like being alone and not having people around and all that. The idea of marrying myself really made my heart sink in my dream. Ugh.

One hilarious part was that I had laid out my entire outfit, which consisted of the following:

-white tights
-a really ugly white bra that totally didn't look big enough
-boring white underwear that I usually wouldn't even wear on laundry day
-a white men's undershirt
-a black half-slip
-a white wedding dress that's skirt was the same as my awesome purple skirt (that I wore on the last 2 Halloweens), all ruffles
-the silver glittery high heels

I was pretty concerned about the black slip...I thought it might show through and that, for some reason, people would judge. Jerks!

Also, there was yet another bathroom moment where I was in the bathroom in my parents' house, the one near the kitchen, and I could hear my sister was telling my father that he should have shopped for my wedding gift earlier and I was trying to pee (have you all guessed by now that I had to pee in real life?) and I was holding my dress up, all bustle-y and ruffle-y, trying not to let it get in the toilet.

This dream seemed to last all night. I woke up sad and exhausted. Yuck. If I ever say I'm going to marry myself, please stop me.

Tutus

I dreamed that I was in a store looking at all these tutus in all different colors and probably would have bought several of them, but the person I was with made us rush off to catch the bus. I was so mad - those tutus were amazing.

What made it worse was the fact that the bus we were catching was taking us on vacation to Germany. Stupid Germany!

What Color Is My Underwear?

I dreamed I was hanging out with the boy I like, and he lived in the attic above my apartment. I got mad because my landlord was only making him pay $295 a month, but I guess it made sense because the purple and silver toilet was only about an inch off the floor, and the bathtub didn't drain.

We decided to go downtown so I could use the bathroom, but just then I noticed I was wearing a white dress with different colored embroidery all over it. I lifted up the bottom of my dress and said to my sister, who had just appeared, "What color is my underwear?" She looked and laughed, saying "It's black with pink all over it, just like you thought!" I turned to look in the mirror and I could see my black and pink underwear through the dress. I got nervous because I didn't want the boy I like to see my underwear just yet - a lady must plan these things, you see?

I then ran in platform heels through construction on State St. to get to the bathroom.