So I went to bed Saturday night really early cause I was just exhausted from the night before ( I have not been sleeping well because I have to make a big decision about my career). But I went to bed at 11:30 with a completely full almost overflowing belly that contained Honey Buffalo Chicken Tenders, 7-Pepper Fries and Chili Cheese Nachos, plus some beer and vodka.
So I'm in this strip club, completely by myself, and I am sitting in a booth talking to one of the strippers. I can’t really remember what we are talking about but she keeps pressing me for money asking me for a dance. I keep saying to her maybe in a little while, I'm not ready for one right now. I think to myself, wait a minute I have a girlfriend at home that is willing to sleep with me, why the hell am I going to pay for something in a strip club that I can get at home for free. (I know it sounds horrible but this is seriously the way we men think) So I decide I will go to the bathroom and then I will leave.
The bathroom is all concrete and very dimly lit, the walls are a color mix of lime green and urine yellow and the urinals are just big metal troughs. So I am taking a piss and I look over to my right and there is a bar there, it is completely unmanned and it looks like it is too small for someone to even fit behind it. As I am finishing up a big tall white guy that does not look like he works there has a bottle of Tequila and is handing out shots in those small plastic shot glasses. He looks at me and says "Hey you look like a cool guy, here's a shot of Tequila" and pours it and leaves it on the bar. I think why yes I am, so I do the shot and leave the bathroom without saying anything to anyone.
As I am walking through the strip club to the exit I bump into an old friend from high school that I haven’t seen in about 6 years. Also his older brother that was friends with my older brother is there as well. So I say Hello to them and I decide ok I will sit down here at this chair and catch up with these guys for awhile. I don’t even get my ass in the seat when a bouncer comes over and puts his hand on my shoulder and says “I need you to come with me” I give a confused look to my friends, stand up and turn to look at the bouncer. The bouncer is the badass Mexican actor Danny Trejo (from Dawn of the Dead, Desperado, Con Air etc.) He is dressed in all black, has long black hair down to his shoulders, and is wearing a backwards black hat, very intimidating.
So I follow him to the back of the club where there is a bar and I am just completely confused. We get there and I ask him “So what is going on?” he leans over to the bartender and says “Hand me that thing” The bartender hands him a black pistol and he takes it out of its holster and sticks it right in my chest. He has the gun barrel pushed really hard into my chest and it is right in that soft spot where your chest plate ends and your neck begins. (It is that little dip that the chest plate makes and it is very sensitive, go ahead and push on it right now and you’ll understand what I mean) I put my hands up and I say to him in a soft voice “I’m fine thanks, how are you?” He pushes the gun even harder into that spot, until it really begins to hurt and says to me “You are under arrest for illegally importing…..” and then I fucking wake up.
I feel down to where my chest is and I can still feel the pressure and pain from where he had the gun pointed. I rub it and then push on it until it hurts to make sure that I am awake. I am. But now I am so damn lost and confused, illegally importing WHAT???? Drugs? Guns? Aliens? What Dammit? I can’t sleep now, and I’m just reliving this dream over and over in my head and I am getting horribly frustrated. Then about 45 minutes later I realized something that pissed me off even more. I just had a dream about a strip club and there wasn’t even one naked boob in the whole dream, WHAT A FUCKING RIP OFF!!!!
Ok so here is my first addition to this blog and I hope it may just go to show that I am as crazy as my cousins are, if not crazier. So I haven’t seen my GF in awhile because I have been fucking overloaded with family shit, so maybe I am a little backed up and my mind is running around like crazy. Or maybe I am just always going to permanently be a 13 year old boy inside of my head, but recently I have been having some crazy weird dreams that almost always revolve around some sexual activity in some way.
Last night I was on my way up this boring bland looking gray tall apartment building, it almost looked like the projects, but without any violence. So I go into my apartment, which I just moved into. I walk into the room and it is about 12 ft x 14 ft and this is the whole apartment. There is a desk in front of me that takes up most of the wall, there is a queen size bed to my right and it has the headboard against the wall with the door that I just entered (basically head board towards the hallway and the foot of the bed towards the desk) there is a small gap between the foot of the bed and the desk for me to shimmy across the room. On the other side of the bed against the same wall that the headboard is against there is another door. I look at the bed and my roommate is already tucked into bed ready to go to sleep, she has black hair and light skin but her face is covered.
I start unpacking my backpack and I spill over a container of sewing needles and other types of pins, I bend down to start picking them up and I step on one. “FUCK!!” I yell, “That shit hurt”. Now my roommate peeks her head up from the covers and she has a really soft and pretty face, she looks so familiar but I cannot put my finger on what her name is and why I know her, but I know her face so well. She asks what the problem is and I say, “I stepped on a fucking pin now my foot is bleeding. I need to wash my foot off” So I start looking for the bathroom. Obviously there isn’t one in this room so I look out the door I just came in, it goes back into the hallway but I don’t see a bathroom out there, I wonder if this is like all of those hostiles where you have to share a bathroom with everyone on your floor. I go to the other door and I open it and it also leads to the hallway, now I am getting more and more angry by the second I think to myself “Why the fuck are there two doors in this tiny shitty ass apartment that both lead to the hallway.” I ask my roommate “Where the hell is the bathroom in this place?” Without even opening her eyes she sleepily gestures to the corner and says “they said there was one, I think it is over there” pointing at the opposite corner of where I have entered. This is the wall where the desk is, the desk ends about 3 ft before the corner, and then there is a small metallic sink (like the ones in a jail cell). I go closer and upon further inspection, I see that there is a toilet seat that folds out of the wall and when I look up, there is a shower head attached to the wall above my head and a drain down by my feet. Also there are these two pieces of sheet metal that come out of the wall to form like an L against the wall, but they are on hinges and swing like the doors from the saloons in the old Westerns. These pieces of metal are about 1 foot off of the floor and only about 2 feet high, they form a square where apparently I am expected to stand and shower. So I am looking at this sad little shower and then all of a sudden I just strip down naked. Then my roommate sits up out of bed and with an extremely shocked tone and says “what the hell are you doing?” I say to her “Well if we’re going to be using this tiny shower in this tiny apartment then we might as well just get used to seeing each other naked. So why not just be naked all the time”. She didn’t really have anything to say against that but she did keep her clothes on. Then I started thinking to myself, well if I’m going to be sharing this bed and this apartment with this woman and we are going to be naked all the time, then we might as well be messing around. Until now, she was just my roommate and nothing else. So I walk over to her in the bed and I pull her up out of the bed and I start softly kissing her. She starts to kiss me back and then in a kind of slow withdrawal she tries to pull away but I pull her closer and start kissing her again. Then she pulls away and says “No we can’t do this, we can’t be together”, I question her “Why not?” she responds “Because, if it doesn’t work out, how are we going to live in this apartment together? We wouldn’t be able to live together in harmony and I can’t have you moving out, I can’t afford to pay for this place on my own” So I am standing there with her in my arms and I am perplexed thinking to myself, how much can this shit hole really cost and what the hell is our rent, cause I know I can afford better than this. For some reason I didn’t know what our rent was, but I knew I wanted her as my roommate.
So our dialogue continues but that part of the dream gets a little shaky, I know that I was trying to convince her that it would be ok and that it would work out but she keeps resisting. Somehow the idea is presented that I can prove it to her that we will work out. All of a sudden the dream jumps locations to the roof of the apartment complex, where we have the mattress with us up there. We are lying on the mattress naked but under the covers and we are in the middle of a blizzard. It’s freezing up there and we are both shivering and I’m saying that if we can survive this then we can survive anything. Then a big gust of wind blows by and slams the door to the building shut. I try to pry it open but it seems like it is frozen closed. So now we are stuck on this roof and we are both freezing to death. I notice that on the next roof over, there are construction workers working on a roof top (also for some reason there is no snowstorm on that roof), I tell her that I will hide behind the chimney and she should stand up and get their attention. If they see a half naked gorgeous woman on top of a roof they are bound to rush on over and save her. But if they think she is involved with someone then they might not come to help. So she stands up, with the blanket wrapped around her like a towel and she starts shouting at the construction workers to come and help her. Finally she gets their attention and one of them comes running out onto the roof, I’m hiding behind the door and when he runs through I grab him from behind and hold a knife to his neck. The door has closed and locked behind us again, so I start yelling at his other buddies that they need to come and let us off of the roof right away. Immediately they come and help pry the door open while the wind is blowing it closed, they struggle with opening it while I try to chip the ice away from the door jam with my knife, we finally get the door open and THAT is when I wake up to the sound of my alarm clock.
This morning on my way to work I was so damn perplexed by that dream, and I kept thinking to myself about it over and over. So I decided I would put it on Reem’s blog as soon as I got to work, I would put it on paper so that I wouldn’t forget it. And I kept thinking to myself who was that girl, who was that girl, I know her face, I’ve seen it before. And then all of a sudden it hit me right before I got to work. It was………………. Ally Sheedy, the young version, she played Alison Reynolds (the pale girl with the dark hair) from the Breakfast Club. How fucking weird is that, I guess I always really had a thing for her. Oh well, so that is my crazy long dream which took me all night to dream and all morning to type up. Sorry if there is too much swearing but the FCC can't sensor my dreams or silence my inner voice. BOOYAH!!
