Tuesday, October 28, 2008

My biggest Fear is Sharks

Scuba Diving among sharks and realizing they are getting feisty; I won't make it to the boat, so I go to the bottom of the ocean because if I am 'grounded' the sharks can't touch me. But they keep circling and I am going to run out of air if I stay here and there's no way I'll make it to the boat before they will get to me and the panic wakes me up.

Almost immediately I fall back asleep and am in the car having decided to go to the airport to use the shower. I go to park in front [which would likely get me arrested in real life] and almost pass by an empty space so I try a tight turn but hit the car next to me into the car next to it. Damage seems minimal so I start to leave but a guy I went to middle school with comes hurrying up to me and I try to ignore him because I figure its about the cars, but he asks, incredulously, "why do you have to make everything about your divorce?"
"I don't, in fact I'm only just beginning to use the words 'K----' and 'ex-wife' in conversation and mostly only with close friends." I am relieved this is not about the cars I hit.
"But I've been watching you [I haven't seen him in 17 years] and your conversations always turn towards it."
"Well," I begin, "let me tell you why the last 8 years of my life were devoted to her in a variety of ways..." then I tell the whole story [which I will not repeat here] which feels like I talk in my dream for half an hour, with other random people arriving and taking interest in my story. I find it interesting, but am releived, that he does not point out the fact I made this conversation about my divorce.
[I wake up depressed and its snowing outside. I lay in bed wondering what part of me is stuck in middle school and is incredulous about my divorce...I hope to get back there and talk more with 'him']

2 comments:

Sara Ashes said...

this gave me chill bumps! I have a recurring shark nightmare. there is nothing scarier in sleep than sharks. as a child after having the dream when i would wake up i would fear the sharks are at bottom of the bed, down underneath the sheets where my toes are.

i cannot believe it is snowing in NC!

Mindlab said...

Wow, your dream is much scarier than mine, if for no more reason that it is happening to someone else (dad) and not you/me.

I had this, "Well shit, all those fears of mine were right, I am going to be eaten by sharks" moment right before biology kicked in with panic.

But for real, the half hour monologue of explaining my relationship was one of the most unreal things ever, it was like my mind just puked all memories; the closets thing I can say I've experienced to the life-flash-before-your-eyes thing.