Rock of Love Beach Volleyball Hockey

Oh jesus. Should I really admit that I had for the second time last night a dream about competing for Bret Michaels affection on Rock of Love??? My first dream about this was pretty great- you can read it here. But last night's dream was awful. Those who may have watched last night's episode of Rock of Love Tour Bus will likely notice the plot similarities.

I dreamed that I was staying in a beach house. I was trying to go to the beach but all my bathing suits were too big or too small. There was the peach one was baggy and provided zero support whatsoever. I was all floppy and the bathing suit was all floppy. And then there was a tan one that I couldn't even get over my boobs (no problem with the bottom half because like all the women in my immediate family, I have no ass). Then there was the leopard print one that fit me just right. Of course.

When I went outside I realized I was surrounded by all the women that are competing on Rock of Love Tour Bus. And what was worse, so was I. And there was a challenge- on the beach- which meant running around in my maybe-now-not-so-cute leopard print bikini. And what we had to do was use hockey sticks to hit a volleyball over a net and into a goal. And I stood there frozen cuz we each had to take individual turns and I knew there was no way in hell I could make the goal.

But then the tomboy girl competitor Beverly (who is from Georgia btw) whispered to me "pass the ball to me and I'll get it in the goal." So I did and she made the goal and we all jumped around because we were excited that we won a date with Bret! But with all the jumping my bathing suit top fell off and I had to hold it up to keep everyone from seeing my business as I ran back to the house.