Hypnotic Hair Dye

As part of a research study, I was hypnotized and then given a series of tasks to perform over 8 hours. The tasks were easy and mundane. The only one I remember was "find someone listening to ___" (specific song). So I was walking around doing some tasks. I felt stoned and things were slightly unclear. I passed a store front that advertised wedding treats. I went inside to pick up something for some friends who are getting married in the future. It turns out that it was a naughty bakery, and I was not sure if a cake-penis or cake-breast was really appropriate to bring. Then my twin sister and her partner showed up, and they both had hot pink streaks in their hair. The women working at the bakery brought me to the back where it was a huge salon. They said, "You would look SO good with pink hair too." I kind of laughed and said, "Yeah" in a way that apparently gave the impression that I wanted them to dye my hair. I left the naughty baker/salon, and continued trying to do my tasks. Then I realized they had put foil in my hair and that I was supposed to go back - they thought I wanted them to dye my hair! So I went back, and fumbled over my words. I said, "I'm not on drugs, but I'm hypnotized!" They charged me $90 and I said, "I'll pay, but I don't want my hair dyed, nor do I want a naughty cake!" and the guy looked at me like I was crazy. They clearly forgot that a wedding treat was the original reason for me going into the store in the first place. I returned to my original starting point. I have no idea how many "tasks" (if any) I actually completed.

Bible Study and WOW

I was a student. One of my assignments was to go to a school in the next town which was known for being a little "strange." First I spied on the school to see what I was getting into. Over the hill and looking down on a large building with people walking around. Looked normal.

I went into a classroom and sat down. The first half of the class was Bible study and the teacher scolded me for not knowing which passage to read. The second half of the class was playing World of Warcraft.

I left during this time to go to an administrative office. I found that one of the small rooms near the office had a "spooky feel" to it and that it was brain-washing everyone who worked there.

So I needed to get into battle. Buffy the Vampire Slayer showed up for a bit, but her attitude was, "Um, really? You need help fighting spooky religious school teachers?" and she was kind of a stuck up bitch.

Pay close attention to Obama's next speech.

I dreamt that I was at my parents house and President Obama was going to stop by so I could give him a haircut. Apparently before he was president he regularly got haircuts from me even though I am not a hair stylist.

So when he came over I was really nervous because he was the president now and if I gave him a bad haircut then both he and I would be shamed.

As I was giving him his hair cut he kept moving around and texting on his blackberry, calling people, and 'taking breaks' for 'official business'. Then he was called away to deal with something, and I couldn't finish the haircut. He left with a big tuft of hair sticking up.

Beer Pub, Bicycles, Beef Jerky, & Naked

This dream cracked me up: 

I was sent on a mission by someone, I don't know who, but I know I had to get specific things from a grocery store and it was VERY important.  In my dream it kind of felt like this was for my job, you know stuff you HAVE to do. 

This grocery store was far from my house, I'm pretty sure it was in another state.  I think I was in Iowa City.  But first I was instructed I had to stop at a brew pub that was on an extremely slanted hill.  The inside of the brew pub had all these beer steins and dark oak woodwork with really high ceilings.  Most of the patron were gray haired, but everybody there was sitting on bicycles. They were not sitting on bar stools, they were sitting on bicycles.  If they needed to get up and go to the bathroom or go to the end of the bar to get another drink, they didn't walk over, they rode their bicycle.  Also everyone there understood that I was there as part of a "mission",  although this mission wasn't really clear to even me.  But, part of this mission, apparently, was to give me a bike.  So, they gave me a bike and I rode it on out of the very steeply inclined beer pub out into the streets where they all cheered me on and waved goodbye.   I rode the bike for a few blocks until I was out of their sight and then I ditched the bike.  

After ditching the bike I got into a car and drove quickly to this grocery store in Iowa City.  As I pull up in the parking lot of this grocery store I notice that I'm naked.   I'm a little distressed by this as it is very important that I get certain items from this grocery store as part of my "mission".  So, I tell myself in my head that I just have to do it, that if I act confident and like it isn't a big deal then it probably won't be a big deal.  No one will really notice, right? (you know, like when you're really scared of public speaking, but you just act like you're not, that kind of thing). 

So, I go into the grocery store.  One hand over my crotch, one hand over my breasts (sort of).  And I'm quickly and desperately search the aisles for the items I need, which are: 

-Beef Jerky, the thin smoked type, not slim jims

-Whole live Lobsters.  3 of them.

I find the beef Jerky and I'm making my way to the back of the grocery store, where the tank of Live Lobsters are kept,  and I run into this woman who says to me: 

Where are your clothes? 

I know I have to make something up, so I very confidently and quickly respond in that annoyed mother sort of way: 

Oh, my daughter took them, you know kids. I'm looking for her, have you seen her?  She's somewhere in the store....boy, when I find her...

The lady seemed to understand and nodded knowingly.  

Then I woke up.  

"This Is Not Piano, This Is Dreaming"

This is not a dream, but a video a friend sent me. It's a segment of an interview with Duke Ellington. Check it:



Just what I needed to hear this morning!

Lost and a Play

It's a long one...get ready...

I dreamed that I was sitting outside a cabin with a bunch of people. We sat around a fire. I think it was my family and then some people I vaguely knew. Things felt weird, sort of socially uncomfortable, and like people weren't totally happy being there. Some people were having silent disagreements. I was nervous.

I'm not sure how it transitioned into this next part, but somebody told me that my friend C was inside the cabin and he wasn't okay. I thought they meant he was dead. I ran inside to find my brother dozing in and out of sleep on the couch, and my friend C laying on the floor. He looked at me and was crying. He was telling me "I can't do this anymore." Then he was in an old-timey-looking armchair. I held on to him and he cried and sweated and I kissed him on the shoulder. I told him he needed to keep trying other things. The room was dark with only the light flickering from the television, and Emil was there this whole time.

After a really long period of silence, I put my hand over one of his, and they started convulsing insanely. I removed my hand. At this point the entire "foyer" of the cabin filled with my parents and all these strangers, all old fashioned looking. It was like the entire cast of Oliver Twist or something. They kept telling me that it was time, that they'd have to take him. I knew they meant to a mental institution. My mother looked at me sadly and I knew she agreed that he had to go. I screamed and debated and carried on. I don't think I've ever screamed like this in real life. I begged for just a little more time to fix him myself. One man, the ringleader, had an olde timey mustache and tiny, round glasses (he would have talked like "yeah, see? That's the ticket!"). He pointed a black umbrella in the air, and the umbrella grew to be about ten feet long. It had a really sharp point, and I knew they were going to stab C with it if I didn't do anything.

Everything faded out.

All of a sudden, I'm at an effing play with my family, sitting in the front row. I couldn't follow the story line, but there were a ton of princes, and it may have been loosely based around Cinderella. The evil stepmother was dressed like I Dream of Jeanie, but in green. At the end of the play, there was a "Procession of Queens," one from each country of the world. I tried to identify them by their outfits, but the only one I was sure of was The Queen of the North Pole because she was dressed all in red with white furry accents, a la Santa Claus.

After that, one of the actresses leaned right over my mother. My mother put each of her index fingers on the actresses shoulders and gently pushed her away. "Wait," the actress mouthed to my mother. I looked up to see C, about to fly on stage on a zip line. He wore a white undershirt and black pants. He flew in, right behind this actress, and landed in front of us, but there was definitely no zip line - this guy was flying, for real. The final dance number happened, and C beat on this drum and on the floor and on the railing that separated us, all with his bare hands, and cried from happiness. He looked straight at my mother and thanked her over and over again.

After the play, I found myself walking alone, trying to get somewhere in Chicago. I saw the river and walked alongside it, but got terribly lost. I kept asking people which direction was west, and people would laugh, or be like "Oh you're WAY off," or tell me to find Boston Rd. And one man told me that we were too remote. "I just want to know which way is west!" I said, almost crying. "I'm having a really hard day!" He ignored me and walked away.

I finally went into a 7-11 or something like it and talked to the manager. He was about 22 or so and had really curly blonde hair. I also told him that I was having a hard day. He was really nice and gave me a free ice cream and walked outside with me for awhile. He pointed me in a direction under a tunnel and told me to find Boston Rd. He said once I found Boston Rd, I'd be fine. He also gave me his card so that we could see each other again. I walked for what seemed like hours, feeling really alone and lost and unsure until I finally saw the Chicago skyline and felt better. At least I recognized something...

I woke up to a piercing smoke alarm and felt sad and exhausted for awhile. But looking back now, the funny parts are really effing funny, you know? And C in a musical? Awesome.

Birds Inside

I dreamed that there were three different birds inside my home. One was yellow, one was a female cardinal, and one was a male cardinal. The apartment was filled with these double-door combinations...like a main door and a screen door. It made chasing them outside very difficult.

Mostly I tried to ignore that the birds were inside, because I have a really hard time with flying things indoors (bats, birds, whatever). But once in awhile I'd try and coax them outside.

At one point, the yellow one was perched on the outside screen door, trying to get outside but not quite making it. I stood about 6 inches from it and realized how tiny it was. I thought about how if I held it in one hand, I'd probably crush it. After I stared at it for awhile, it finally flew away.

Groceries, The Mall, and Bathrooms, As Usual

I dreamed I was in a supermarket with Marc and his son. It was a fancy kind; all the shelves were wood and all the produce was displayed impeccably. I avoided the meat section, just like in real life. At some point, I heard music coming from around the corner from the produce section. There was a noise band playing. Somebody's voice told me that this was the new location of the Wisco (for non-Madisonians, the Wisco is this dive bar that smells like pee). I felt strange that I didn't know about the new club. It looked like one of those youth centers I used to go to in high school - yellowish plaid couches and bulletin boards on the walls. And all that produce!

Later, I was walking along a black gravel driveway on the side of the mountain, looking for Marc, who was my ride. I couldn't find him so I got into my own car, which was being driven by Sarah. As she was driving, she lost control of the car. I looked over at her and realized she'd pulled the key out of the ignition and couldn't get it back in. I grabbed the steering wheel that was all of a sudden conveniently located right in front of me and pulled us off the side of the road. We sat there for quite awhile, unable to start my car.

I was all of a sudden in a mall, looking for a bathroom (which has totally happened before) and looking for Boston Store (aka Carson's). I walked past my mother, my sister, and a former teacher. None of us acknowledged each other, and I woke up confused. At some point though (I'm unclear on when) my mom told me that Boston Store had gone out of business. I was upset because I really needed a bathroom.

Broken Typewriters

I had a dream that I was walking around on "hippie christmas" very early in the morning. Maybe 4 or 5 am. It had been raining all night though. So almost everything was ruined. As I was walking I looked down and saw six or seven cases and then realized they were all old typewriter cases. I opened them up and every single one of them had had the keys removed in some sort of violent way. They were broken off. A few of the typewriters still contained a handful of letters but not very many.
I looked up the meaning of dreaming of a typerwriter and found that "....to see a typewriter in your dream, indicates that you need to open the lines of communication with someone in your life. " And the fact that they were all broken is kind of alarming to me.

Sexy Time with Janet Jackson

So the only dreams I ever remember are sexual or scary. And unfortunately the scary ones happen way more than the sexy ones.

Last night I dreamed about sexy times. Like, innocent situations that turned sexy. At one I was watching a play, and the protagonist had to change her dress at one point. So for some reason she came over to where I was sitting and changed her dress while sexily leaning over me, kinda like a strip club. Something similar happened with Janet Jackson in the dream. No touching, but naked closeness.

Later in my dream I was talking to my family (god) and for some reason felt compelled to tell them that I had "4 sexy times earlier, including 1 with Janet Jackson."

I never think about Janet Jackson, but you better believe I will now.