My boyfriend Bret Michaels saves me from the Bull Woman

Dudes, dudes, I have no choice but to confess that I have had yet another dream about Bret Michaels. This marks the third in a series, prompted no doubt by his recent brain hemorrhage, win of Celebrity Apprentice and appearance on American Idol- but who's keeping track?

I dreamed that Bret was my boyfriend and we were going to a sweat lodge in Kentucky. On the way there we passed a carpenter's work room and we stopped so he could show me what a great craftsman he is by making me a snow board. When we got to the site of the sweat lodge, we saw that it had been taken over by the evil bull-woman-with-claws from the second season of True Blood. I was really scared but my boyfriend Bret said "I'll protect you" and then I woke up and laughed my ass off.

Too Full for a Feast

I dreamed I cooked a feast. I wanted the feast to be as good as the one that the Other Mother makes Coraline in the movie, with cupcakes, roast chicken, cherry pie and a gravy train that runs on a track around the table to each plate of mashed potatoes:


My friend sat down to eat the magnificent feast and took a huge bite that overflowed from his spoon. He then leaned back in his chair and declared "That was great, but I'm full!" I started to get annoyed but then I noticed that his stomach started swelling - inflating actually, not unlike Violet Beauregard from Willy Wonka. Then his belt snaps and the buckle ricochets, breaking my window.

The Lawyer in the Kilt

I dreamed about this guy - this guy over here on the left - who is a lawyer that I know in real life who has written a poetry book that he is actually reading from at a pub (while wearing a kilt) in this picture. In my dream he was also wearing a kilt and reading from the poetry book at a pub, but the difference was that after he was done, he gave me a pool. A beautiful sparkling, Olympic size pool that I went swimming in.

Reykjavik, mostly

I was at an event where a large group of people were dancing some martial arts style dance.  I was somehow nominated to choose a team of dancers from the group so I had to pay attention to each person and it was a lot of pressure.  Then I was with a group of people from college, at a friend's wedding reception.  Everyone was split up into small rooms and "the cool crowd" was jam-packed into a room.  I decided to boycott the cool crowd because it was so overcrowded and competitive to get a drink and the bride & groom's attention.  I was a little bit pouty about it.

Then I was with a large group of friends and we found out we were going to Reykjavik, Iceland in a few hours.  It was a ridiculous idea but no one wanted to miss the opportunity.  So we got packed up to go.  As we flew over Iceland, I asked "Is this real?" because we were in small planes, the size of about 3 rollercoaster cars.  It was beautiful - clear skies, mountains, a lush green landscape below.  I kept thinking of Bjork and how it made so much sense that she was from here.  It was strange that there was no sign of volcanic ash in the sky and that we were cleared to fly.  I actually thought maybe we were on a 3-D ride at Disneyworld because these planes or helicopters were so small and rollercoaster-like.  They were so small that we were even able to zip through Reykjavik downtown and see shops, restaurants and cobblestone roads.  It looked like a great city.  At the hostel, our group bustled around finding our rooms and settling in.  Reem was there and wanted to watch a Cameron Diaz movie.  She kept asking others if it was a good movie, as she was really skeptical.  But she really wanted to watch it.  I remember thinking how lame it was that I was dreaming about a Cameron Diaz movie instead of dreaming of exploring Reykjavic on account of Reem.

Robert Downey Jr.

I was at a house - I don't know who's house it was, but I was possibly at a party, or babysitting, or something like that. Somebody told me, or I realized, that they were shooting a movie just a few houses away, and that Robert Downey Jr. was there. I immediately took off running, which is really cool because usually I can't run in dreams. I ran through the backyard of my aunt and uncle's house in Illinois, which seemed giant and like a jungle. There was mowed grass and flowers everywhere. Without stopping, I bent down to pick up a cut yellow rose that still had a ton of leaves attached to it and I kept running. I ran through all their neighbors' yards, going around wells and jumping over piles of sticks.

I finally got to the place they were filming, which was a big fancy hotel. In the lobby, there was a huge, oval-shaped fountain or some kind of structure that contained tons of plant life, little garden statues, and waterfalls, amongst other things. I ran around it a few times, but Robert Downey Jr. was always on the opposite site as I was. Finally, I reached him. They were in the middle of filming, but he stopped when he saw me and said "I'll always meet somebody!" I handed him the yellow rose and said "Thank you. Thank you for what you do." Then I ran back in the direction from which I came.

Later, I was mad that I hadn't stayed longer, because it seemed like he was friendly and would have talked to me more. When I saw my friends and family, I totally lied and told them all that Robert Downey Jr. had kissed me on the cheek. What a liar!


Such a fox!

Moon Museum, Tattoos, Red Sox, Michael Jackson

I was with my family and we went to an AWESOME museum exhibit on moons. Everyone got a free action figure and a little boy asked if he could trade with me. I said yes. Also there was a large photo on the wall - a collage of various people hanging out with the "red sox coach" and it included a picture of me eating pancakes with him. I bragged a bit about that, and a girl got annoyed. I was with Reem and we skipped most of the museum and talked about boys and she cried because a boy was not getting her published like he said he would. We were talking with my family and my mouth was full of pins and coffee grinds, so I excused myself to take care of that.

Then I was in a classroom situation, and we had a special guest - Michael Jackson! He sat down next to me. He was really nice. I was so flustered - MICHAEL JACKSON is sitting next to me! A girl was like, "What's your problem?" since I was all blush-y and I was like, "Michael Jackson!!!" and she looked at me like I was stupid. I quickly updated my facebook status to let people know I was sitting next to Michael Jackson in class. A few people wrote things like, "Not funny" and I realized that MJ has been dead. This was not the actual Michael Jackson, but a guy who kind of looked like him and sounded like him. And everyone else was smart enough to get that but me.

Then I was in a tattoo shop where my girlfriend worked. There was drama - the boss announced new pay rates and they sucked. My gf and her colleague told me about a big screw-up they had. They were doing a piece on a "cheerleader who was a Green Bay Packers fan who had lots of metal work in her mouth". The piece was a "bowl of chili" and it looked like it was sliding off of her. I asked if the girl paid for it and they laughed and were like, "Yeah right." (this last part is from watching LA Ink).

The "F" in Family

So I was hanging out with a bunch of random people, including the significant other of an ex-boss of mine who I never knew too well in real life. She was talking about how families suck and was like, "We all know what the "F" in family stands for, but what about the rest of it?" We came up with "F.uckin' A....(M)...I.ll-mannered, L.oud (Y)." I don't remember the M or the Y. Somehow there was a list of adjectives with first letters that spelled out "family." And it was really funny and clever. Stupid families!

Bathtub of Boys and Beans

My hub Mike (M1), our friends Mike (M2) and Andy & I were chilling one evening and M1 & I suggested that we all take a bath together.  It was super casual in my dream world, like asking if we should have a fire in the fire pit.  I think the idea was basically a poor-man's hot tub.  So the boys get down to swim trunks and I'm in a bra and undies and we're wedged in our tub together, all in a row (M1 in front, then me, then Andy, then M2 caboose-ing it).  How sad.  Andy said he'd like to make some beans for us to share as a snack.  He had this dehydrated bean mixture (like a packet of oatmeal) and planned to pour it into the tub, expecting that it would hydrate into a nice little floating pile of refried beans.  I didn't think it would work out this way and before I could warn him against the idea, I saw M2 behind him with dehydrated bean mess floating around everywhere.  It was gross and the end result was the four of us steeping in a tub of refried beans.  The end!

Scary Sexy Superheros

I was in the woods with 3 friends. I don't know who they were. We were camping, but then saw some terrifying things. Evil Superheros were gathering, all in amazing costumes, flying, and easily killing things. We decided to join them and be spies. I had to wear a hat and wig so they wouldn't recognize me as not one-of-them. We did a "practice run" of evil, that was surprisingly easy. We had to kill some small animals and I found that in this group's presence I could kill easily and even fly a little. Not bad! The woods we were hanging out in were really scary, with haunted trees and caves. These evil scary superheros were actually pretty cool. The leader was an extremely sexy woman. I came up to her and whispered in her ear that I would love to sleep with her and that I was really awesome in bed. Really. Somehow that worked, and she said, "Okay meet me at 3pm on Friday and we'll do it then." When the time came I was very excited and kept adjusting my hat and wig, and started to worry that she would find out that I was a mere mortal and not a superhero, though still good in bed. Unfortunately, she didn't show up.

Beefy Noodles

Last night I had a dream that Tara made me dinner in my high school. She made "Beef Noodles" or "Beefy Noodles" or something like that. It had three ingredients, one of which I can't remember. The other two were giant wide noodles which were really thick and beef that was the same shape as the noodles. Tara told me that before you cook the beef, you have to slice it in long diagonal lines with the knife moving towards you. Otherwise, it wouldn't taste as good after it was cooked.

There wasn't enough time to eat more than two bites together, which is very similar to the fact that there's never enough time for Tara and I to talk on the phone. Lame.