The Bitter Tears in an Alley

I was walking at night in a city. I came across a dark alley. When I looked down the gravel, I saw the Bitter Tears slinking around. These ol' guys:



It seemed like they were trying to be creepy but really they were more like British humor:

Shark Bite

I was standing next to the street and a shark leaped up from the road and latched onto my left forearm. I ran inside the house and locked myself in the bathroom. I tried to open the shark's jaw but it held on so tight. Blood was pouring out of my arm; bright red puddles pooled at my feet. When I finally pried the shark free I flung him to the bathroom floor. It immediately froze and looked like an ice sculpture.

Two Dreams About Fish

I dreamed that I could grab little birds, sparrows and parakeets, by their tiny legs and their feet would latch around my fingers. They liked being there. Also there was a tiny white fish out of the water and I gave it CPR by pressing its lungs rhythmically with my thumb.

In another dream, I was going fishing inside an abandoned and flooded trailer with two of my coworkers. It was a field trip, it was supposed to be fun, a treat. I reached down and grabbed a huge fish out of the water with my bare hands. My coworker Lauren said knowingly, "It's a sturgeon. And its not going to fit in the car like that." She then snapped the head of the fish clean off and threw it in a trash can under the sink. I was amazed and couldn't stop staring at the fish head. We drove back to Atlanta with the headless body of the fish laying on the floorboard of the front passenger seat of the car. Also I had hidden trash can containing the head inside the trunk.

Gutter Punks and Street Art

During an odd little 30 minute morning nap, I dreamed of laying on a blanket in a field of high grass with a friend. We were watching gutter punks build and spray-paint a giant metal structure to our right. More and more people kept arriving and adding different facets to the art piece. I balanced my camera on my friend's knee to do a high exposure shot. I think this is the first time I've actively used my photography knowledge in a dream.

I just had a dream this morning where I was still with my ex-boyfriend, and I was trying to figure out how to tell him I really didn't want to be with him any more. We were at some awesome place that was dark and vacation-y and full of people we were having fun with, but I was also solving some mystery or taking care of some exciting business. I felt challenged because sometimes I would think "Well, he's really not that bad..." and then other times I would think "I really have to just cut this off ASAP." I was not able to convince him that we shouldn't be together, which is very similar to what happened in real life. And then I woke up. But at least I tried to tell him to his face in the dream, instead of just handing him a letter and running away like I did in real life.

Lots of Guts

I had a dream that a friend who is living abroad came to visit me. It was a surprise visit. I owned a house and it was the middle of the night, I think I was cleaning my bathroom or something. And he showed up and I said all disheveled from cleaning and said something like "I'm a hot mess" and he laughed like it was the funniest thing he'd ever heard. In my head I was like, how has he never heard that phrase before? Then there were some long embarassing parts with some making out and long embraces. . . and another friend showed up with someone else, not sure who. My other friend was dressed as a cowboy and was trying to get us to go out somewhere. He left and we went inside and my dad was there. He asked why I had all these dead cats hanging from the ceiling. We looked up and there were dead black cats hanging from the ceiling, with guts hanging out. I said that someone had been putting them there to scare me and my dad removed them and put them outside. I don't remember anything else.

I later had a dream that I was a zombie and that I ate someone.

There ya go

Cult Classic

I had two different dreams about being in a cult.

I walked into an old house with me ex. I am not sure why we were at the house, I think it appeared to be some sort of boutique. We were invited to sit down at a big table with 4 other people. We were all chatting when I started to get a really weird feeling. Something just felt off about the people. They were dressed like they were on soap operas from the 70's. One of the women had big poofy blonde hair and was wearing all purple. I started to feel like I wanted to leave so I went to the door and called my mom. The people were not happy that I wanted to leave so I waited for my mom to get there. My mom and sister arrive and somehow I was able to leave, but my ex wanted to stay. He said "I'll be out in 2 minutes, it will be really quick." As we were leaving there were protesters outside the house, teenagers wearing all black with black eye makeup. They were yelling, "It's a fucking cult!" and holding signs. My mom, sister and I got in the car and started to drive away, but I said we couldn't go far because we needed to pick up my ex. We decided to drive around the block and we'd quick pick him up as we passed the house again. As we were driving we say my ex running. I couldn't tell if he was looking for us or just running. He was acting really strange, though. He would stop and kind of twirl and move around like maybe he was dancing? I kept watching him from the car as my mom was driving farther away from him. He had almost zombie-like dance moves. We drove out of his view and my mom announced that she was almost out of gas. Then the car stopped right before East Wash (in Madison). I was nervous about how close we still were to the house and my ex. We started discussing a plan of how to get gas.
And then I woke up.
When I woke up this morning I remembered both of my dreams really vividly, but now I can't remember if I just blended them into one or forgot the other one completely. But I remember waking up thinking it was really strange I had two different dreams about cults.

Basically a Big Party

I was in a coffee shop with Anna, ordering lattes. When we got them, they were like giant chocolate milkshakes, but runny, which is perfect because sometimes milkshakes are too cold for my teeth. We turned to sit down at a table when I saw an old friend of mine out of the corner of my eye. He wore a white lab coat and disappeared around a corner.

"Namir?" I called as I followed him. He peered out from a doorway and replied "Yeeessss??" while at the same time, my cousin Laith peered out from a doorway across the hall, also wearing a white lab coat and saying "Yeeessss??" Laith was also pointing at his head insistently. He had shaved it bald. He smiled like a damn fool.

They both faded out and my guitar teacher appeared. He was wearing an adorable yellow bowtie and a black porkpie hat. I got excited and started to say to him "You look so nice..." but then I realized he was wearing a white sweat suit as well, so I finished with "...from the shoulders up!" The sweatshirt and sweatpants had two different colleges written on them; one was written in blue and one in black. He then put on a suit over the sweatsuit. The suit was black with pinstripes and was giant.

I returned to Anna and drank the rest of my latte milkshake. It had weird chunks at the bottom which I drank as I thought to myself "I may regret this in a moment."

I began singing the song "Nasty" by Janet Jackson. When I sang, the entire song came out of my mouth, drums and synth and voice and everything. As I sang, Anna and other people in the coffee shop started dancing. As I danced, I realized Will Smith was dancing right behind me. I kept singing and we formed a sort of demented conga line, just the two of us. When I got to the verse of the song, I somehow switched into "Rhythm Nation," which I didn't realize until I got to the chorus. I tried to do the Rhythm Nation dance, but my hands were full with a a giant box full of firecrackers. Here's what I missed out on:

Mike Rowe sells me an F150 & a paid work bathroom

My work third floor bathroom has issues at the urinals in real life. Either men at my work can't aim at all or there's a slow leak or both. The point is, for a corporate 4 story building in a business area, it's really not up to snuff.

In my dream, however, to make matters worse, the urinals require a quarter to operate. The apparatus looks exactly like a video game slot. Even with the orange glow.

Shift forward sometime in my sleep, maybe even directly after leaving the smelly restroom. I'm in the middle of a vast field, it's overcast and the weather is moderate. And Mike Rowe is making a hard sell for me to buy som crappy merchandise that I can't recall for the life of me. But the hook was this shiny maroon F150 that we were standing in. Not only does it include one, but two of said crappy merch for a low,low price! Two, crappy plastic, whatevers and you also get entered to own this beautiful truck. Thanks Mike.

'Sup, says Obama

I dreamed that I was chosen to interview President Obama at Beloit College, where I went to school. I don't know why I was picked, but it was mostly because I was an alumni and I had some connection with a professor. Unfortunately, I didn't prepare any questions, so I was scrambling to come up with something within the 20 minutes before the interview was to take place. I also couldn't find any blank sheets of paper - the notebook I had was full of paper, but every page had writing on it. I also had a lot os loose papers stuck in the notebook, but they were all written on as well. I did have two pens and a pencil, though.

I showed up on campus - drove my jeep up a windy road on a hill as it rained and I looked for an umbrella. Campus looked different from how I remember it, more like the campus of the school where my sister went to college. I was surprised that I didn't have to go through any type of security.

I stood in the lobby of Eaton Chapel, where the interview was to take place, and where I took all my music classes as an undergraduate. While we waited for Obama to show up, I gave a tour to an older woman. I can't remember who she was, but she could either be one of my old professors, or a member of Obama's family. I showed her around the building, and was trying to show her the dark staircase in the back of the building that comes up backstage (I had this idea of us coming out from backstage and her being met with a beautiful view of the chapel from the stage) but it was pitch black and there were heavy cords all over the ground, and I was convinced she was going to trip.

Then I was back in the lobby and Obama showed up, walking casually through the door by himself. "'Sup," he said to me, and moved on. I didn't tell him I was going to interview him.

We moved up on to the stage and sat at a small table where we'd do the interview. I still searched frantically for paper. One of my old professors, Ian, sat to my side, just like how a page turner sits next to a pianist. I think maybe he was going to turn pages for me...

I brainstormed some questions to ask him, all the while realizing that I had no idea why kinds of questions to ask. I thought I'd ask him about music, about Iraq, and about his daughters. Sarah whispered in my ear at some point, "Ask him about eating chicken and being a Veggie." Before I got to answer any questions, the people in charge started moving us to our next location. They'd just been taking pictures all along. I hoped I looked good.

Ideal Band

I was watching a band play in the far end of the parking lot across the street from my house. They sort of seemed like a noise band which is weird because I'm definitely not into noise, and I was really into this band. They had posted a "rule" on a sign behind them: nobody is allowed to wear masks in the audience unless they were sick or were afraid of getting sick or they were going to an amusement park where they might get sick. I thought of those blue paper surgical masks.

This band was scheduled to play here from 7 pm - 8 pm, and then they were supposed to play at The Inferno from 8:30 - 9:30. I planned on going over there, but I must have taken too long because when I was finally leaving my house, it was already 9:30. I decided to go anyway to check out the second band.

Thank god I did. You know who it was? Effing Axl Rose and Slash, backed up by The Bitter Tears. Basically, this combination makes my favorite band ever. I watched them in a room with only about 20 other people, and got a great view right up front. During their last song, Slash and Axl stood in the center of the stage playing music while the four members (Alan, Mike, Tony, and a girl with glasses that I'd never seen before) did organized, choreographed dances in a square around them. The Bitter Tears rotated places every 4-8 bars of music and faced inward, towards Axl and Slash. They did a lot of grand movements with their hands, and they were able to play their instruments at the same time. Their eyes were all very focused on Axl and Slash.

At the end of their last song, Axl ran into the "back room" where apparently there was an audience of about 200, so I decided not to fight my way back there. Some guy announced the next band, which turned out to be the band of Toby from The Office. That was a sold out show, so I didn't even have a choice in whether or not I wanted to go. Good job, Toby.

Nerdy Shark Spits Up My Bones

I don't know if I was watching something or if I was actually in the situation because everything that happened didn't affect me. I was in the water, right next to a wooden dock. There was a shark swimming circles around me. It was saying "darn! darn! darn!" over and over again. I thought that was pretty nerdy so I laughed. The shark promptly swallowed me whole and laughed, but I was still alive and outside the shark somehow. It then spit up "my bones," which was a silver metal oven rack.

Lost My Car in a Dark Garage

I was at Anna's sister's wedding. Anna was the maid of honor, and as I watched her walk up the aisle before her sister, I grabbed my camera to take pictures. It was running out of batteries, so I kept turning it on and trying again, and I got a few mediocre shots out of it.

As I was taking the pictures, I remembered that I was supposed to play a song for the wedding and I didn't have my music with me. Since my music was at my parents' house and the wedding was just a few blocks away, I thought it would be fine for me to leave and run back to their house to get it. I assumed I'd get back to the wedding with no problem.

Then all of a sudden, I was in a giant high-rise parking garage. It was dirty and dingy and dark and scary with a million stairwells, several on each floor, so I couldn't keep track of where I was going. I held my keys tightly in my hand and kept pressing the lock button, which makes my car's horn honk. I could hear it very faintly in the distance. It was very high-pitched. As I climbed the stairs, the sound got harder and harder to hear, so I figured I should go back down. Whenever I got inside a stairwell where I'd be going down the stairs, I was able to jump down the whole thing with my fingers just lightly grazing the handrails. It was sort of like flying, but more so jump-falling in an organized fashion. Make sense?

I searched and searched everywhere, but I could not find my car. I did come across a man wearing a busted up tuxedo. He looked like some kind of cartoonish magician or the villain from an old movie. Crooked mustache, wilted flower in his boutonniere. He was digging through piles of junk, boxes of random things. He implied that he could help me find my car. I searched through the piles with him for a few minutes, turning up some of my own belongings. Then he led me to the base of a stairwell where three other people sat; two grown men and one little girl. "Stay here for 15 minutes," he told me. "Whatever you're looking for will show up."

I sat on the dirty floor and realized the two men and little girl were about to watch a movie. I thought it was probably be too scary for her. I also realized that the tuxedo guy was the owner of the fancy hotel that the parking garage was suddenly attached to, and I wondered how he had time to search through garbage when he had a fancy hotel to run.

Eventually I ended up in the lobby of the hotel, all dirty and standing out in the light of the giant chandeliers. I had not found my car or my music, and I was sure the wedding was long over, but Anna was there and still very nice to me. Hey, thanks for being a good friend, Anna!

Giant Dinosaur Mask

I was in a convention in a really nice hotel in Hawaii or someplace tropical, and I was surprised to see that a woman was walking out of the convention lobby with something that looked like a purse, but also like a large alien pod. It was clear with sharp wavy triangular tentacles, and it glowed red at intervals. It was beautiful, but I was scared because at first I thought it was a bomb. When her husband arrived, he was wearing a HUGE triceratops mask made of the same clear and glowing material. When I expressed my surprise at his mask, he said, "Well, if you're in danger, and it might be some time before any help comes, these come in handy." Then I was almost awake, but still dreaming. I decided to go back into the dream and see if I could fly. I was back in the dream, and I was flying, but it was hard to fly with my eyes open because if I opened my eyes I would really wake up. It was wonderful to fly with my eyes only slightly open.

Embarrassing Feet

I dreamed I was in my parents' neighbors' kitchen with a family I teach. The 7 year old boy had grown to be as tall as me, which was confusing. I looked down at our feet to see if I was wearing shoes that made me shorter or he was wearing shoes that made him taller. It turned out that I was wearing brown knock-off Birkenstocks with black socks. The mom in the family lifted up my foot to take a closer look. "These are really nice," she said. "Yes, they're knock-off Birkenstocks. I love them," I replied, but I was lying through my teeth. I was mortified to be wearing them. Especially with black socks.

Tomatoes Spanish Boring

In my dream, I had just purchased a can of diced tomatoes. As soon as I got home, I realized there were already three cans in the garage. But it was the garage of my parents' house. I didn't really care.

Also, I could speak Spanish fluently!

Oh wait! I just remembered (I'm adding this a few hours later) that Gwen and I were driving around looking for the tanning salon we had to go to, and when we found out it was in the Princeton Club West, we were both like "gross" and didn't end up going.

Guns, Granola and Guest Stars

I have been dreaming so much lately and having a hard time keeping track. It's like every night there is a really long intense dream.

In this one I was at a supermarket and there was a raffle going on. There were three large carts full of healthy things you could win. In one of the carts was a bunch of yogurt and 'beneful' which is dog food in real life, but I think in the dream it was kinda like granola. I really wanted to win that cart of stuff, but I was upset that it was vegan yogurt. I walked around the grocery store trying to find someone to talk to to see if I could switch it out if I won. Somehow I got lost and ended up in the managers office. It had a big table in the center and a large white couch on the side of the room. On top of the table was one of those fake tubular fish tanks things, this this:
Except in the dream there were real fish in it. A man with chin length hair was standing by the table and knocked the fish tank over. It shattered and water was everywhere. Somehow I knew he was in the office trying to rig the raffle so he would win. I was terrified now, because I had seen him knock over the fish tank. He looked up and saw me and pointed a gun at me. I screamed and ran behind the couch. He came over to the couch and leaned over it so he could see me. I kept crawling back and forth behind the couch because I was trying to be a moving target. I was trying to get in a position so that if he shot me it would go through me and not kill me. It didn't work because he shot me in my neck. I was holding my neck as it bled when I woke up. After I woke up I realized it was Darrell Hammond from SNL who was trying to rig the raffle and who shot me. But in the dream he looked like that creepy hit man in Grosse Point Blank- the guy John Cusack kills with a pen- in the neck!!!! Weird.

Celebrities and More Underwears

In the first part of my dream, I was at a conference in a hotel with my parents and siblings. I don't know what the conference was about, but there were a lot of people dressed in ball gowns. Very glittery and sequin-y and tons of colors, mostly bright pinks and blues and greens. The material of the dresses was usually shiny. So basically, it sort of looked like an Arabic wedding. We argued about wear to park so that we wouldn't have to walk far in the rain.

We were in the lobby of the hotel, gathered around a table full of papers that we were supposed to fill out. The papers were messy and unorganized. I sat at the table with glasses on, trying to find the right form. Just then, somebody walked up to the table and placed a book, standing up, right in the middle. The book was Fatherhood. Which means that the man who put it there was...

BILL COSBY.

For real. He was bigger in person than he is on television. Not taller or fatter, but his proportions were bigger. He was a bigger kind of human than we all were. He smiled as he put the book down, and we somehow knew he was promoting it. Due to my quick wit (duh), I said "Oh, self-promotion, eh?" and Bill and the whole crowd burst into laughter. In all the craziness of laughing, the book fell over on its side, and I grabbed another opportunity at hilarity and yelled "Booooooo!" Bill Cosby laughed and laughed, and I remember thinking "Yes! I got two laughs out of Bill Cosby, and he's a comedian!" Really though, I think I'm much funnier than this in real life.

In the second part of my dream, I was talking to a professor of mine who ended up being Robert Downey Jr (who I've totally had a dream about before). As we were talking, I realized he was getting flirty and that there might be some Sexy Results. He asked me to come back later that night for a "meeting" (yeah right, Downey Jr) so I went to find my friend so we could go home and change. My friend had to keep score at a cheerleading competition, though, so we got held up and I kept looking impatiently at the time, not wanting to miss Sexy Results. The friend keeping score perched on the scoreboard above the gymnasium floor, manually hanging numbers on hooks when points were scored. At some point, she also hung a ten-year-old boy by his shirt from one of the hooks, as a prank. Everybody laughed.

I was sort of horrified until I realized there was a trampoline underneath him, and it was there as a safety precaution because this was all part of a movie we were making. I immediately panicked, wondering if Robert Downey Jr was only in the movie, or if I was going to see him again in real life. I couldn't tell.

Last thing: there was a pair of underwears in the back pocket of my jeans this entire time.

Underwears!

I dreamed that I was shopping with my sister and my mother. We were in my mother's bedroom, which was also a department store. Probably Carson's. My mother kept showing us dresses and they were all shiny and glittery. We had to help her pick out two, but each one kept changing colors and moving, so I couldn't pick one.

My sister sent her into the dressing room, and at the last minute, I realized she'd sent my mother in with a few pair of swimming trunks to try on as well. It made me feel weird. I looked at all the underwear and wanted to buy all of it. In this dream, I kept feeling a lot of love for underwear. All the underwears of all the world.

My boyfriend Bret Michaels saves me from the Bull Woman

Dudes, dudes, I have no choice but to confess that I have had yet another dream about Bret Michaels. This marks the third in a series, prompted no doubt by his recent brain hemorrhage, win of Celebrity Apprentice and appearance on American Idol- but who's keeping track?

I dreamed that Bret was my boyfriend and we were going to a sweat lodge in Kentucky. On the way there we passed a carpenter's work room and we stopped so he could show me what a great craftsman he is by making me a snow board. When we got to the site of the sweat lodge, we saw that it had been taken over by the evil bull-woman-with-claws from the second season of True Blood. I was really scared but my boyfriend Bret said "I'll protect you" and then I woke up and laughed my ass off.

Too Full for a Feast

I dreamed I cooked a feast. I wanted the feast to be as good as the one that the Other Mother makes Coraline in the movie, with cupcakes, roast chicken, cherry pie and a gravy train that runs on a track around the table to each plate of mashed potatoes:


My friend sat down to eat the magnificent feast and took a huge bite that overflowed from his spoon. He then leaned back in his chair and declared "That was great, but I'm full!" I started to get annoyed but then I noticed that his stomach started swelling - inflating actually, not unlike Violet Beauregard from Willy Wonka. Then his belt snaps and the buckle ricochets, breaking my window.

The Lawyer in the Kilt

I dreamed about this guy - this guy over here on the left - who is a lawyer that I know in real life who has written a poetry book that he is actually reading from at a pub (while wearing a kilt) in this picture. In my dream he was also wearing a kilt and reading from the poetry book at a pub, but the difference was that after he was done, he gave me a pool. A beautiful sparkling, Olympic size pool that I went swimming in.

Reykjavik, mostly

I was at an event where a large group of people were dancing some martial arts style dance.  I was somehow nominated to choose a team of dancers from the group so I had to pay attention to each person and it was a lot of pressure.  Then I was with a group of people from college, at a friend's wedding reception.  Everyone was split up into small rooms and "the cool crowd" was jam-packed into a room.  I decided to boycott the cool crowd because it was so overcrowded and competitive to get a drink and the bride & groom's attention.  I was a little bit pouty about it.

Then I was with a large group of friends and we found out we were going to Reykjavik, Iceland in a few hours.  It was a ridiculous idea but no one wanted to miss the opportunity.  So we got packed up to go.  As we flew over Iceland, I asked "Is this real?" because we were in small planes, the size of about 3 rollercoaster cars.  It was beautiful - clear skies, mountains, a lush green landscape below.  I kept thinking of Bjork and how it made so much sense that she was from here.  It was strange that there was no sign of volcanic ash in the sky and that we were cleared to fly.  I actually thought maybe we were on a 3-D ride at Disneyworld because these planes or helicopters were so small and rollercoaster-like.  They were so small that we were even able to zip through Reykjavik downtown and see shops, restaurants and cobblestone roads.  It looked like a great city.  At the hostel, our group bustled around finding our rooms and settling in.  Reem was there and wanted to watch a Cameron Diaz movie.  She kept asking others if it was a good movie, as she was really skeptical.  But she really wanted to watch it.  I remember thinking how lame it was that I was dreaming about a Cameron Diaz movie instead of dreaming of exploring Reykjavic on account of Reem.

Robert Downey Jr.

I was at a house - I don't know who's house it was, but I was possibly at a party, or babysitting, or something like that. Somebody told me, or I realized, that they were shooting a movie just a few houses away, and that Robert Downey Jr. was there. I immediately took off running, which is really cool because usually I can't run in dreams. I ran through the backyard of my aunt and uncle's house in Illinois, which seemed giant and like a jungle. There was mowed grass and flowers everywhere. Without stopping, I bent down to pick up a cut yellow rose that still had a ton of leaves attached to it and I kept running. I ran through all their neighbors' yards, going around wells and jumping over piles of sticks.

I finally got to the place they were filming, which was a big fancy hotel. In the lobby, there was a huge, oval-shaped fountain or some kind of structure that contained tons of plant life, little garden statues, and waterfalls, amongst other things. I ran around it a few times, but Robert Downey Jr. was always on the opposite site as I was. Finally, I reached him. They were in the middle of filming, but he stopped when he saw me and said "I'll always meet somebody!" I handed him the yellow rose and said "Thank you. Thank you for what you do." Then I ran back in the direction from which I came.

Later, I was mad that I hadn't stayed longer, because it seemed like he was friendly and would have talked to me more. When I saw my friends and family, I totally lied and told them all that Robert Downey Jr. had kissed me on the cheek. What a liar!


Such a fox!

Moon Museum, Tattoos, Red Sox, Michael Jackson

I was with my family and we went to an AWESOME museum exhibit on moons. Everyone got a free action figure and a little boy asked if he could trade with me. I said yes. Also there was a large photo on the wall - a collage of various people hanging out with the "red sox coach" and it included a picture of me eating pancakes with him. I bragged a bit about that, and a girl got annoyed. I was with Reem and we skipped most of the museum and talked about boys and she cried because a boy was not getting her published like he said he would. We were talking with my family and my mouth was full of pins and coffee grinds, so I excused myself to take care of that.

Then I was in a classroom situation, and we had a special guest - Michael Jackson! He sat down next to me. He was really nice. I was so flustered - MICHAEL JACKSON is sitting next to me! A girl was like, "What's your problem?" since I was all blush-y and I was like, "Michael Jackson!!!" and she looked at me like I was stupid. I quickly updated my facebook status to let people know I was sitting next to Michael Jackson in class. A few people wrote things like, "Not funny" and I realized that MJ has been dead. This was not the actual Michael Jackson, but a guy who kind of looked like him and sounded like him. And everyone else was smart enough to get that but me.

Then I was in a tattoo shop where my girlfriend worked. There was drama - the boss announced new pay rates and they sucked. My gf and her colleague told me about a big screw-up they had. They were doing a piece on a "cheerleader who was a Green Bay Packers fan who had lots of metal work in her mouth". The piece was a "bowl of chili" and it looked like it was sliding off of her. I asked if the girl paid for it and they laughed and were like, "Yeah right." (this last part is from watching LA Ink).

The "F" in Family

So I was hanging out with a bunch of random people, including the significant other of an ex-boss of mine who I never knew too well in real life. She was talking about how families suck and was like, "We all know what the "F" in family stands for, but what about the rest of it?" We came up with "F.uckin' A....(M)...I.ll-mannered, L.oud (Y)." I don't remember the M or the Y. Somehow there was a list of adjectives with first letters that spelled out "family." And it was really funny and clever. Stupid families!

Bathtub of Boys and Beans

My hub Mike (M1), our friends Mike (M2) and Andy & I were chilling one evening and M1 & I suggested that we all take a bath together.  It was super casual in my dream world, like asking if we should have a fire in the fire pit.  I think the idea was basically a poor-man's hot tub.  So the boys get down to swim trunks and I'm in a bra and undies and we're wedged in our tub together, all in a row (M1 in front, then me, then Andy, then M2 caboose-ing it).  How sad.  Andy said he'd like to make some beans for us to share as a snack.  He had this dehydrated bean mixture (like a packet of oatmeal) and planned to pour it into the tub, expecting that it would hydrate into a nice little floating pile of refried beans.  I didn't think it would work out this way and before I could warn him against the idea, I saw M2 behind him with dehydrated bean mess floating around everywhere.  It was gross and the end result was the four of us steeping in a tub of refried beans.  The end!

Scary Sexy Superheros

I was in the woods with 3 friends. I don't know who they were. We were camping, but then saw some terrifying things. Evil Superheros were gathering, all in amazing costumes, flying, and easily killing things. We decided to join them and be spies. I had to wear a hat and wig so they wouldn't recognize me as not one-of-them. We did a "practice run" of evil, that was surprisingly easy. We had to kill some small animals and I found that in this group's presence I could kill easily and even fly a little. Not bad! The woods we were hanging out in were really scary, with haunted trees and caves. These evil scary superheros were actually pretty cool. The leader was an extremely sexy woman. I came up to her and whispered in her ear that I would love to sleep with her and that I was really awesome in bed. Really. Somehow that worked, and she said, "Okay meet me at 3pm on Friday and we'll do it then." When the time came I was very excited and kept adjusting my hat and wig, and started to worry that she would find out that I was a mere mortal and not a superhero, though still good in bed. Unfortunately, she didn't show up.

Beefy Noodles

Last night I had a dream that Tara made me dinner in my high school. She made "Beef Noodles" or "Beefy Noodles" or something like that. It had three ingredients, one of which I can't remember. The other two were giant wide noodles which were really thick and beef that was the same shape as the noodles. Tara told me that before you cook the beef, you have to slice it in long diagonal lines with the knife moving towards you. Otherwise, it wouldn't taste as good after it was cooked.

There wasn't enough time to eat more than two bites together, which is very similar to the fact that there's never enough time for Tara and I to talk on the phone. Lame.

New Office Episode - "Survey Day"

I dreamed an entire episode of The Office. It was called "Survey Day," and all the characters were in it, including me! For most of the episode, there were a ton of businessmen in the lobby for a big meeting, and they were all sitting around in suits and carrying briefcases. I remember Meredith and Kelly being all excited about "all the men." I saw Jim sandwiched between a bunch of other businessmen, and, of course, he was making faces at the camera.

At one point, I was in a giant elevator with Pam and I'd left my purse in the lobby, so we had to go up and don a lot to go get it. The elevator had two separate entrances right next to each other, but about ten feet apart. The elevator was like a room in itself, with plants and bookshelves everywhere.

Part of the whole big meeting involved everybody filling out surveys, hence "Survey Day." Each person had a personalized survey with their name on it and questions specific to their lives and jobs. I couldn't find mine, so I decided to fill in all the answers as three-word phrases, like "Haste Makes Waste," and also with Metallica album titles, like "Ride the Lightning."

In the dream, I kept having to double-check to make sure this episode hadn't happened before.

Now is Not the Time, Ozzy Osbourne.

The other night, I had a really long-seeming dream. I meant to write it down last week but I forgot, so here are some of the details I remember:

I was with my cousin Tony's wife, Jill, and she was driving a van in the neighborhood of my work. She and I and a few other people kept trying to get somewhere, but we seemed to just stay in the same area, still driving. At one point, she brought us to her apartment in Madison, which was very long. She also had two dogs that were blonde and furry. As I looked at them, I thought to myself, "they're just like ____ (in my mind, a combination of bears ad pigs), but much fluffier!"

Later, I was back in the van with Rob, who I know here in Madison. We were with a third person who I didn't know at the time. The third person said he needed to make a stop. We pulled over near these condos on the same street on which I work and he got out. Rob and I were talking, but out of the corner of my eye I saw the third guy standing outside the condos. It was Ozzy Osbourne! He was wearing all black with round, black sunglasses, and he was aiming his remote car starter at a window on the 2nd or 3rd floor. I immediately recognized that as "the sign" for buying pot. Specifically from this guy who's a concert promoter here in town. "Hey!" I yelled indignantly. "He doesn't get to buy pot now! I've got to get to work!"

I was in a hurry to leave, so I figured I'd get out of the van and walk the 8 blocks to work. As I left, Rob gave me a gift - a tennis ball covered in rainbow-colored confetti and streamers.

the ole college try and the perfect restaurant.

#1 I dreamed that Harrison Ford and I were in college together, and he was himself he wasn't any younger or anything. He and I were walking around trying to find where our dorms were and deciding on roommates.

#2 I dreamed that Linda (my partner) called me on the phone and told me to meet her at a new restaurant she found, which "serves both Italian and Mexican food, they also have a 'cheese selection'."! So I go to meet her and she isn't there yet, so then I also apparently LIVE in the back of this restaurant, and I have a girlfriend in addition to Linda and in my dream I am not troubled by this. So I go down this dirty hallway past the kitchen and go into my apartment. The room is dimly lit and there is a canopy bed with lots of heavy velvet curtains. My girlfriend is on the bed reading and she says "Well it wasn't that bad, it's for teens" referring to the book she was reading, which was Twilight.

Applebees?!

My dream this morning was so confusing. I was in my parents' family room, laying on the floor beneath two giant comforters; one was the black and white one I have here in Madison, the other was the rainbow-colored hearts one that Sara had on her bed as a kid and is now in my parents' storage room in the basement. I was half trying to sleep and half trying to find several electronics, including my gray hair dryer, my red cd player, and a few other things with long and tangled cords. Everything was all messed up and confusing under the comforters and I couldn't find anything I wanted - I was so frustrated.

During one of the moments in which I was trying to sleep, however, my mom entered the room through the door from the garage, all dressed in a smart black and white pinstriped skirt suit. She said "I'll be back from work around 10:45." But I couldn't figure out if she was talking about AM or PM, and whether it was AM or PM at the moment.

As I kept wishing I could sleep, I noticed that the rest of my family had entered the area. Dad stayed in the kitchen, reading the paper I think. Emil and Sara were both in the family room. Sara was cooking breakfast at the stove (which was also in the family room), which made me believe it was AM. She was also talking to herself a lot as she stared at the pan on the stove, saying things like "No, I won't have one. Okay I will. Just put it aside for me. I don't know, I'm not sure. Just get one for yourself. Put that one over there." I looked at Emil, confused, and asked why she was talking to herself. To which he replied "It's probably because she used to live at that Applebee's." Sara turned to us and said "Oh yeah, I remember, with like 5 other people."

So confusing.

Scary World Take-Over

I went to high school (I AM ALWAYS IN HIGH SCHOOL IN DREAMS!) and it was super chaotic, but no one would tell me what was going on. I tried to ask a teacher, and she laughed like I was making a joke. After all, how could I *not* know that it was the apocolypse? We weren't allowed to leave, but I needed to see my family. So I ran to my car and drove down a street where all these scary guys in black and orange uniforms were shooting at me with machine guns. Actually they were shooting everywhere. Somehow I managed to get back to the school safe and sound. The people there were like, "Uh, yeah DUH you're not supposed to be driving around cuz you'll OBVIOUSLY get shot." Some people called them terrorists. But it almost seemed like they were not quite human. They were taking over the area and just shooting up everything and everybody. Their war tactics were superior to anything we had, and all police interventions were futile. I dove through some bushes and wore all black. I crept up upon them. I wanted to check out these assholes up close. Almost immediately they caught me. I threw my hands up. "I SURRENDUR!" I started to beg for my life and started to bargain with one of the more sympathetic seeming dudes. I told him I had not only a regular DVD player to give him that he could sell, but I also had a fancy DVD player that could play VHS, DVDs, and some 3rd type of technology. He seemed interested and hesitated. I also offered him my body which he was not interested in. He let me walk ahead of him to give him these goods. Then some of his war buddies started shouting - they needed his help. "Wait here!" he commanded. But as soon as he turned the corner, I RAN as fast as I could, into a random house and hid in a closet.

make-ups

Last night I dreamt that Reem and I were at a Sephora type store looking specifically for foundation. Trouble was that each brand only had like one bottle of foundation. Some were in locked cases. There were not an array of skin tones, it was like you just had to wander around and hope to find a brand that happened to have a bottle of foundation that was close to your skin tone. So I asked a very gay store clerk (Latino wearing mandarin collar leather jacket) why there were no brands with a selection of foundation. He said "Well after 9-11 women just stopped buying foundation".

Later Reem and I were looking around and the gay store clerks were like freaking out over how good her eye shadow looked. And it DID look great. In my dream I was thinking "WOW Reem combined so many elements and it really makes her eyes look beautiful". What Reem had done was put a different color of eye shadow on each eyelid. On one eye was bright blue on the other was a green blue. She had then blended some grey in the corners and over it she put this very sheer grey silver glitter.

After that in my dream I came to the realization that I look a lot better in more of a matte or stain lip stick than I do in a gloss.

I think that might be true in real life.

Bret Michaels Rocks Out to GnR

I dreamed I was at a "rock n' roll" concert. It was a Guns N Roses concert from the 80s. Poison opened for them, but that was no big deal. When GnR got on stage, I was somehow able to watch from an angle so I could see the audience. Bret Michaels (singer of Poison) was there watching, and he was totally rocking out. He was wearing his signature bandana around his head, along with some kind of cartoonish pajama pants. He loved GnR. You could tell that it was the greatest thing he'd ever seen. But you could also tell that he was sort of a pansy in a band that looked like a bunch of ladies.

Golf and TMI

In my dream, I had concrete proof as to why golf was so sucky. I have no idea what it was.

I also dreamed I had a UTI (TMI, right?) and the doctor called my mom to tell her about it. My Dad perscribed me some medicine and I had to drive an hour over a bridge that looked like the Golden Gate Bridge to the area south of Chicago. The sky and lake were sparkling blue and everything was beautiful, but the UTI really made it all annoying.

A Shot of Crystal Meth

The other night I had a dream that I was with my friend Wendy, standing on the front stoop of somebody's house. This guy I know cam up to us, looking all shady, and held out a tiny silver shot glass. It was "a shot of crystal meth" and Wendy and I were supposed to share it. I decided not to take it, since I had to go to work soon. I'm so boring...

reception and flying

mike and i were at a wedding reception, i think, with our favorite band and their girlfriends and crew.  they were guests, too.  we were all dressed up, sipping cocktails in a giant, old ballroom, having a grand time.  good ol' friendsies. 

the next day i was snooping around the venue and was in a large office-y storage area.  it was all white with lots of windows wrapped around it and some desks and boxes scattered here and there.  somehow, i realized that i could fly.  i sort of leaped off something and soared by curving my spine and arms.  i believe this was based on a real-life experience where i tried one of those sky-diving simulators and you bend and arch and such to speed your fall or slow it down. 

the large room had those weird, white ceiling tiles and i accidentally soared up too quickly and bumped into the ceiling which caused the ceiling tiles of the whole room to shift off the grid.  i felt sheepish and quietly left before anyone could come and notice.

when describing this dream to mike today, two uncanny things occurred.  first, when i was trying to compare the ballroom to one he could reference, i couldn't think of the name of the damn eagles ballroom in oskhosh.  he blindly guessed "the eagles?" and i was all, "yeah!."  that was only a little uncanny.  but then!  he said that he had a dream about those white ceiling tiles, last night, too.  ooooooo.  something about installing them.  so we were laying right next to each other dreaming about ceiling tiles.  but i could fly and he couldn't. 

and now, here's a video of my favorite band, state radio.

like unlike

I had a dream that I was on facebook and that besides being able to 'like' something you could also 'scoot' it. And I have no idea what this meant but it was pretty awesome.