Thanksgiving Miracle

I'm in some sort of Thanksgiving Class, making an oral presentation about something. I'm not sure exactly what I said, but I know it had to do with John Redcorn from King of the Hill (which I watched right before bed), and about how the white man stole his land. Also, I recited a lot of recipes. I did it in a real sing-songy voice.

Then I realized we were supposed to have made posters. Shit. I thought it was just oral (hahaha oral). The person in front of me, Kyle, got up and presented his shitty ass poster that was a crumply piece of orange posterboard that had been dropped in the mud or something. On it were The Far Side comics - they looked like they'd been ripped out of a daily calendar or something. His presentation ended up being really good and informative, however, and what made it the greatest was that he spoke in a baby voice (a la Jack Black in the Sasquatch scene of The Pick of Destiny) and finished with the wonderful sentence of "And that, folks, is what I'd like to learn in my life."

Later, I dropped my car keys on the floor of my bedroom at my parents' house and they whirled around on the floor like a crazy mouse, running in circles and under the bed and back around. They kept going near drains and vents and stuff they could fall through, and I had to fold up the end of my bed and move it to the other side of the room. I chased them for what seemed like forever, not being able to catch up with them at all. I was so mad for most of it until all of a sudden I started laughing really hard. "These are my keys!" I exclaimed, laughing. The they were all of a sudden sitting on the table next to the door. I grabbed them, stuck my arm out the front door, locked my car, and went back to my bedroom.

Okay, here is a video of the scene from The Pick of Destiny. You should really watch it. The baby talk voice part is right at about 1:34.

Not a Dream...

Okay, so this is not a dream, but I want to share what was in my head when I woke up this morning. It was my voice, saying to somebody:

I've had enough of your Farrah Fawcett hair and dead eyes!

What the hell?? I wish I remembered what I was dreaming!

rental property intrusion

my hub and i saw this huge, beautiful, old, brick, warehousey, industrial, yet refurbished apartment building. it was for sale but we did not have an appointment with our realtor for an official showing. i wanted to see it so badly at that very moment so i began climbing some wooden structure attached to the outside. i found a way into the building and saw that there were about 7 apartments and the hallway was vaulted, so i could see down a few stories to a lobby where some hipster guy was at a desk. i worried that he'd see me in the building. i came upon a tenant who invited me into her place. she also gave me keys to another apartment so i could sneak in. i left her place and suddenly felt really paranoid about breaking in, realizing i could be charged with attempted something-rather. i thought, not only could i ruin my reputation in the income property world, but also i could lose my day job if i was charged with a crime. i had to be really stealthy about my next move, as i was in the building, unauthorized, and could still get caught. i hemmed and hawed about going back to give the girl the keys she gave me, as giving them to her would be evidence that i had someone else's keys (?). i reluctantly decided to go back to her apartment and hope for the best. i gave her the keys and a pair of baby shoes from her apartment but then took the baby shoes back and told her that, no, those actually weren't hers. for some reason i thought that the baby shoes would be solid proof of my crimes. i knew it was flakey to give them to her, acknowledging that they were hers, and then take them and backpedal on my story, but she didn't question it.

when i somewhat-awoke, i felt relief to realize that this was only a dream and that i was not truly in any criminal trouble.

Green Beans in my Purse

I am in the cafeteria across from the Capitol where we eat every day during the legislative session. The line is super long and when I finally get to the front I realize that the Commissioner of the Department of Corrections (basically the head of all the prisons in Georgia) is working at the food booth as part of this "giving back for the holidays" program. He is wearing one of those puffy white chef hats, a Bill Cosby sweater (probably because he's always reminded me of BC is real life) and an exasperated expression.

When I get up to place my order he says to me, "Sara, please just take this broccoli pizza I accidentally made, I'm so behind with the orders." I agree, I'll eat the shit out of some broccoli pizza! When I get to the part of the line where I am served my food I am handed green beans with an Asian, sesame sauce in a wax paper bag - like the kind french-fries usually come in. I like those too so hey, no problem.

A little while later I am outside and ready to eat. I look in my purse and it seems I put the green beans in there. They spilled all over everything and the inside of my bag is covered in sesame sauce. Its a big mess but boy it smells great.

How to make Pumpkin Pie

I had a dream that it was Thanksgiving Day and I needed to make a pumpkin pie. I was stressed out because I had never made one before and didn't know the ingredients. I went to my pantry and grabbed a bag of egg noodles and flipped it over to the back. The directions for making pumpkin pie were on the back. There was a really long list of ingredients that I didn't have! I took the bag of noodles and headed to the store. I went through the isles filling up my cart. Midway through the list I got to two ingredients that stressed me out, listed on the package for pumpkin pie was "bulghur wheat" and "cracked wheat." I thought, hm, aren't those the same thing? And I never knew that there was bulghur wheat in pumpkin pie? Then I realized that all those little black specks in pumpkin pie was bulghur wheat and it all made sense. So I grabbed bulghur wheat and the rest of the ingredients. I started getting stressed out when I realized my shopping cart was practically full, so many ingredients! I was mad that I was spending so much money to make a pie from scratch when I could just buy it. I went home and unloaded all the ingredients and realized I had nothing "pumpkin" at all. I looked at the noodle package and there was nothing listed. I thought, how does it get the pumpkin flavor then? i decided I would add something anyway. So I went back to the store and stood staring at a huge display of different products that are pumpkin- canned pumpkin, pumpkin spice and various other boxed, jarred and canned items. I grabbed one and headed back home. Then I realized it was 3:00 and I was supposed to be at my friends for Thankgiving Dinner at 3:30 and hadn't even made the crust yet! I was so upset that I had all the ingredients, but didn't have enough time to make the pie. So I sat down in the kitchen and just imagined in my head what it would be like to make a pumpkin pie from scratch. I pictured rolling out the crust . . .

Proud to be an American

I was at Sara's Halloween party, only it was taking place in a Sam's Club or Costco or something. I remember seeing parts that were identical to the place where the party actually took place, but then there were also aisles and aisles of groceries and outdoor furniture, all stacked up high.

Sara brought out the karaoke machine and said "Okay, the next song is yours." I asked her what it was and she didn't know. Unfortunately, it turned out to be the song "Beauty School Dropout" from the movie Grease. Nevertheless, I rocked it. I remember thinking about how it was a little too low for my voice, but how awesome it was that I was able to sing it. I drew a crowd and the party got all crazy. Everybody was excited about karaoke!

The song finished, and somebody (I'm not sure who) called dibs on being next. They were all excited to see what song they'd sing, and then the song title appeared on the screen: "Proud to be an American." Everybody started booing and groaning, and the party guests all slowly disappeared.

The all the Hodi cousins (parents and all) appeared through the crowd carrying boxes and trays of snacks, like what one might buy at Sam's Club. Included were lots of Hostess Cherry Pies and tiny little martinis (I think this was because I watched Top Chef last night). "Where should we put all of this?" asked my uncle. "Just throw them in the Burrito Room," I replied. "That's where the food goes."

Later on in the dream, my friend Dan tried to kiss a girl and somehow his mother ended up with a broken nose. Also, I was in Canada with my family and my dad was talking about how none of his "band members" would be able to get back into the U.S. because none of them had brought the correct papers and all of them were too drunk from the wedding the night before. He laughed as he said it.

$11,000

I had a lot of stressful dreams last night. I had just bought a new car, a "Jetta" but really it looked liked a Prius. We went to a club and parked it outside. When we came back out to leave all the tires were gone from the car and it had been booted. When I called the number to deal with it this woman I used to lobby with answered the phone. She looked up how much it would cost me to get my tires back and the boot off. She said "11". I said "11 dollars?" and she said "11 thousand." Apparently I had broken some bigass law.

This car problem followed me through the night in other dreams. In one I had to help this woman escape from her abusive husband while he stole all her stuff, but uh oh, my getaway car had no tires. In another, I moved into this awful house with Reem and this scary woman who had rabies kept trying to get inside to get us. She basically looked like a clown with whiteface, too much blue around her eyes and lipstick smeared big around her mouth. When we tried to get away from her, the car had no tires and we were stuck.

Finally, there was the dream where I called my mother and confessed to her of my car fuck up and that I had an $11K bill to deal with. She called the company and it turned out it was all a big mistake. All of a sudden a marching band that included my cousin Layla came marching out carrying my tires which had been painted white. They laid them next to my wheeless Jetta.

traffic stop

hey there - - i'm the new girl. this should be fun....

i think i dreamed a lot of things last night but i only recall one chapter. i was stuck in traffic, a la beltline, or basically the highway from hell for those not familiar with the madison area. i hadn't moved for hours but could not see what the hold-up was. finally, a cop strolls up a few cars ahead of me and i see that he's taking out a tape measure to see how far apart cars are, apparently to ticket anyone who did not leave enough space between them and the car in front of them. it was some sort of ticketing operation - no real traffic jam at all. the car in front of me passed the test but the space i left in front of me was a bit smaller so i worried. in the end, i passed.

Tutus

I dreamed that I was in a store looking at all these tutus in all different colors and probably would have bought several of them, but the person I was with made us rush off to catch the bus. I was so mad - those tutus were amazing.

What made it worse was the fact that the bus we were catching was taking us on vacation to Germany. Stupid Germany!

Craftin' Machine

I had a dream that I had taken a bunch of my art to a store to sell. I had a bunch of crocheted brooches and such. When I got there I set all my stuff down on a table and waited for the clerk to come and help me. When she came over she looked at the table of things and I realized it was hard to tell what stuff I had just brought in. I picked up my things and said "These are mine, this stuff on the table was already here." The woman glared at me over her glasses and took my things to look at. She said flatly, "This stuff came from a machine." I immediately got defensive and said, "No! I made this stuff, I'll show you right now, I'll make them again!" I started looking around for some yarn or something so I could show her, but she just walked away. I was so mad, but I stood there and pictured a vending machine dispensing my art out of it.

Spider Webs

My business partner and I were harvesting the webs of spiders in a house; but the exterminator was due to come and though it was pests he would be targeting, we worried the spiders' webs would be wiped out and the spiders killed. I was trying to think through the options while my partner just went around and gently curled each spider up in a washcloth and scooped as much of the web as possible into a trashbag. I was miffed at first thinking that we could try and distract him from the webs or say we wanted the spiders in the house, but grew to realize we didn't want to risk the exterminator as we could lose everything.

Vacuuming Roaches

I dreamed that I was stuck living in this decrepit motel room and there were roaches everywhere- crawling around, dead with feet in the air, I even watched them hatch out of egg sacks. It was horrible. I went to the front desk to complain and the receptionist was Amy Poehler. She was like "oh don't worry, just use this," and she handed me a box. I opened the box and it was filled with dead roaches including one gigantic yellow one. I showed Amy Poehler the inside of the box and she gave a high-pitched laugh "oops! that's the wrong box!" and handed me a dustbuster. I went back to my room and used the dustbuster to vacuum up all the roaches living and dead.

Piece Missing

In real life, I have been scratching my skin in my sleep so hard that it bleeds. It's not exciting to wake up to this in the morning. It finally invaded my dreams last night.

In my dream, I'd been scratching the outer part of my upper left thigh, kind of on and off for a few minutes, as I talked to people at some sort of ball or party that was decorated all in gold and black and sequins. I could see people's faces clearly but everything around their faces was cloudy.

I reached down to scratch my leg once more and realized that my leg felt really weird, like there was an indentation in it. I look down and realize I've scratched off a giant chunk of my leg. It was like a canyon. It ran about 8 inches long and 2-3 inches wide, and about 1 inch deep at it's deepest. It was not bloody or anything...it was just this big crater on my leg. There was skin covering it, rough, very bumpy skin that had a lot of scratches on it. There were also parts that were darker, maybe bruised.

I nearly had a panic attack when I woke up this morning because it felt exceptionally real. I reached down and felt my leg just to make sure.

Dead Cat Shrine

I was invited to write on this blog many moons ago but sadly almost NEVER remember my dreams. Not nearly enough to write about them.

But last night...

I was travelling through the woods and came across a vampire. I was scared but found that I could fly effortlessly up and away. I flew to a house in which there was a VERY attractive housekeeper. She was tall and blond and had some type of accent. She was cooking food for herself and some of her housekeeper co-workers. I was very drawn to her so I tried talking with her but was awkward. She showed me an elaborate gravestone/shrine she had created for her cat. Her cat was not dead yet, but she knew it would die eventually so she was prepared. Then the vampire returned and I realized the vampire was my girlfriend and I was a vampire slayer. Our love was misunderstood and dangerous on many levels. We embraced and I returned to the kitchen to find that there was a woman who died in that room. The housekeeper and her co-workers who had been milling about were all gone. So I scraped the food she had been cooking down the drain.

I Just Don't Know That Answer

I was in the basement somewhere and I was surrounded by stuffed animals. They were a mix of sea animals and Sponge Bob characters (I know next to nothing about Sponge Bob, but there they were). I was talking to one, and I turned my back to it for a minute. When I looked back at where the animal had been, there was only a stuffed animal shark. And it was alive. Not like a real shark though - it was the stuffed shark, and it was alive - talking and moving.

I asked the shark where the other animal went, to which the shark replied "Well, I just don't know that answer." This puzzled me, so in order to find out, I turned to the pile of sea animals (stuffed) to my right and started throwing them at the shark. One by one, he caught them in his mouth and swallowed them. Starfish, crabs, a lobster, a shrimp (I don't know what this even looked like, but it was included). Then a "dolphin" (who looked exactly like the shark) started lecturing the shark about eating too many small things. With that, they all turned back into non-alive stuffed animals.

Later, I was in somebody's backyard - it looked like a darker version of my parents' backyard when I was growing up. There was a swing set with a treehouse, a "Mr. Miagi Bridge" leading from one end of the yard to the other, and a small grassy area to the right. I was talking to a woman with five or six kids running around her. She would not shut up. As she talked, one of her sons, who was about 3 years old, picked up this giant bird with a long beak. It looked like a toucan but was all brown. I kept trying to interrupt her to tell the other kids to come look at the bird, and then to tell her that she should ask her son to be careful with the bird, but she would not stop talking.

Eventually, the 3 year old started fucking with the bird enough to break its beak - he made it so that the beak could go in and out, becoming longer and shorter. The bird also had a lot of pieces of wood sticking out of its body.

Boobs

I'm so sick of my stupid, boring dreams lately...

It's Genia's birthday and we're meeting for a party in the "bar part" of a farmhouse. Exes M & S show up with two others. Nobody will talk to me. I scoot closer to Genia and feel like shit. Every time I move my chair it makes an obnoxiously loud scraping noise across the concrete floor and the music stops and the talking stops and everybody looks at me.

Later, we're in a Best Buy parking lot and Andy from college gets mad and breaks a car window by punching it, but then his arm is broken. In real life he'd never do this - he'd talk it out instead of being violent. I try and persuade him to go to the hospital, but he says "there just isn't enough time in the week. But I'd do the other thing if you let me."

"Okay," I say, reluctantly. "You can put your face near my boobs, but only for like ten seconds. Only because your arm is broken."

I'm pretty sure he thanked me.

Also, I remember looking in my purse and seeing a half-empty pack of Winstons. Winstons??

Mindfold

I dreamt that my Mindfold had a couple small cracks in it that let the light in. I was both discouraged from using it and feeling like I was seeing slight slits through The Veil.

Bored.

I dreamed that I was holding either a newborn baby or a big puppy. I don't remember which one. I do know that I was paying special attention to make sure its head was supported. Bored.