Yikes

I dreamed that I was about to have sex with this older German man but his penis was shaped like a tulip and then my mother walked in.

Tokyo in Iowa

I was an effing world traveler in my dreams last night. I dreamed I was looking at a map of the United States and there was a town in Iowa called "Tokyo." I was very confused and kept double-checking to make sure that's what it really said. It did! At one point, I knew it was true because about 60 miles away on the map was a town called Japan. There ya go!

Going to India

I dreamed I was on a plane heading for India. I was with my parents and siblings and we were all put in different rows of the plane. The plane was huge; there were three seats on either side of the plane like a usual giant plane, but in the middle, the row must have held about 10 seats. My mother was in the middle of that, I was on one of the sides, and my sister was a few rows behind me.

I mostly remembered the food they served because we got a choice of caesar salad or "other," which was the same as caesar but with no dressing. I got regular and regretted it. The rest of it was mushy piles of things in other colors. I think it's funny because everybody on the plane was really mad and grossed out about having to eat Indian food on the plane. My mom stood up in the middle of the row of seats, hands on her hips, exasperated look on her face. I think she was trying to lead a protest or something. But we were going to India, guys! What gives?

At one point, there were rumors flying around about how the pilot was considering stopping randomly to pick up one woman in another country. Everybody was mad about this. Right when our food was being served, the place took a sudden nosedive. I could see that we were landing at some airport (I somehow had a view looking straight out the front of the plane) and as the plane went down, I made some strange noises and said really quietly and bored-ly "nooooo..." We stopped in "Europe" and let on like 8 guys who looked exactly the same: big and fat and hairy. My father complained to somebody at the airport saying it wasn't fair that we were paying all this money and these guys got to ride for free. I started to go to stop him, but Emil stopped me. "It's for the workers," he told me. Dad's arguing to get them a better wage."

Later, when we were in India, I couldn't ever decide what to wear, and every time we got in a car and drove somewhere, I could see us (kind of in a cartoon-y way) on an actual map, a tiny car following a line from one city to the next. It was hot in India, and we all had a ton of cell phones that we made a lot of calls on.

Later, I was playing cards (Gin, or Rummy 500, or whatever you want to call it - I don't know) and I bet "my mother's ring," which really was just this giant purple tacky ring I own. This bitchy girl won it, but I was like "no way, asshole, that's my mother's ring." She was mad and told me "You knew this game was for real." But I refused. The cops came, and all of a sudden there were people everywhere, and I think maybe a few dead bodies...yuck.

Menagerie of Small Animals and a Peeing Hedgehog

I dreamed last night that I had a menagerie of small wild animals living in my back yard. When I say small, I mean as in Small Horses (which incidentally are one of the funniest of all creatures as far as I'm concerned), not baby animals but smaller versions of full-size ones.

There were small elephants, small white siberian tigers, small horses actually, small gazelles, small great danes. And though several of them are naturally predator/prey to each other, they weren't mean and mostly rolled around playfully in a very cute way. I would feed them by tossed balls of raw meat - like meatballs - in their general direction. They all ate the meat even the vegetarian elephants and gazelles.

I kept getting distracted from my feeding by my old pet hedgehog Sally Pineapple who had broken free in my house and was peeing giant puddles everywhere. I couldn't catch her because whenever I would get close she would roll up into a spiky ball making it impossible to pick her up. And then when I'd go get an oven glove she'd run off and pee a huge puddle again and then roll into a ball so I couldn't catch her. Rinse. Repeat.

baby

ew ew ew ew ew! fuck babies! i had a dream that i had a baby. i was all confused because i just had my period. it was all gross and wrinkly and i loved it but i didn't want it. i said to my mom "there's something i have to tell you. i had a baby. i don't want it. i want to give it up for adoption." but then my mom adopted it and i had to be around it all the time. it barfed on me and i had to change it's diaper and i kept forgetting to feed it.

i found a bottle of whiskey and i was drinking it and sharing it with people and having fun and this stupid baby kept on being there and needing me to take care of it. 

good ol' "pat"

does anyone else notice that the longer the day progresses after a dream you recall, the more details are lost and the more difficult it becomes to remember? ugh.

well, i had a sentimental dream last night. in real life, i used to work at a group home in minnesota. there were 6 residents - all so very uniquely amazing and fun. the best job of my life. the best lots of things of my life. anyway, so i dreamed about them last night. one of the guys named pat (not his real name - gotta get all confidential on yo asses) and i were sitting in his kitchen chatting. we always liked to play word games that made no sense. i don't know what we were particularly discussing but in real life, i'd throw out an object and he'd make a corresponding sound. like, "what does a tree say?" and then see what his creative mind could come up with. often, he broke the non-existent rules and acted things out instead of making a sound. so i believe for "tree" he'd stand up and wave his arms out around his head. pat's a smart guy - we just enjoyed the silliness of such a game.

so now i'm no longer blogging about my dream but moreso reminiscing on the good times of yore. whatever the hell yore is. "what does a yore say?" try it.

i have a cold

so i'm a little sick and i slept for 16 hours last night. lotsa dreams

dream 1: i was competing in "america's next top model". i think i've had this dream before and i don't remember if i posted about it. i was pretty sure i was going to win. i had beautiful long hair and i was awesome at makeup and i had just been shopping in japan with my mom. i had amazing clothing and 100s of dollars worth of cosmetics. i was friends with all the other models. the dream was all about getting dressed and doing makeup, not actual modeling.

dream 2: i lived in this house that moved. it spun around in circles and swayed back and forth and stuff. i had lived there for years and had occupied every bedroom at one point or another. i was talking to this scientist who said the house couldn't hold itself anymore and it was going to break. that instant, it broke. it was all sideways and flooded. i spent the rest of the dream going around the house trying to find my favorite possessions and being really sad that i couldn't find the rest of my stuff. at one point i went in the basement and the house rolled over on it's side. at another point i had sex with a stranger.

dream 3: i was on a "party bus" that was a reality show, except i was invisible. i was watching the star of the show have sex with all the boy contenders and be really gross. she said she was on her period but wasn't bleeding because she liked to "make love".  her boobs kept falling out of her shirt and her 3 foot tall side-kick was a major bitch. 

More Petrified Animals

I had approximately thirteen billion dreams last night, but I only remember a couple of details. In one, I was in a giant bathtub with other people - it was like a public pool. I kept feeling something rough go by my legs. I reached down to see what it was and realized it was a crocodile. I knew I needed to get it out, so I started moving around with my hands under water, trying to catch it. At one point, I found a long tail sticking out of the water which I knew belonged to this sneaky little monkey. I grabbed it by the tail and flung it out of the tub was like "jesus christ, everybody get out of my way!"

I somehow got the crocodile and ran to go show my brother. I'd put the crocodile in my parents' shower. It sat in there, not dead, but petrified, on all fours, with it's mouth wide open. "I know it's not dead, but is it alive?" asked my brother. "Don't worry, it won't get you," I told him.

The reason I had to put it in my parents' shower was because I'd already put the petrified great white shark in the "kids' bathroom" in the hallway. It was petrified in the same way - mouth wide open.

Here are some other dreams I've had about petrified animals:

Cardinal
Bird
Buffalo
Peacock

Rock of Love Beach Volleyball Hockey

Oh jesus. Should I really admit that I had for the second time last night a dream about competing for Bret Michaels affection on Rock of Love??? My first dream about this was pretty great- you can read it here. But last night's dream was awful. Those who may have watched last night's episode of Rock of Love Tour Bus will likely notice the plot similarities.

I dreamed that I was staying in a beach house. I was trying to go to the beach but all my bathing suits were too big or too small. There was the peach one was baggy and provided zero support whatsoever. I was all floppy and the bathing suit was all floppy. And then there was a tan one that I couldn't even get over my boobs (no problem with the bottom half because like all the women in my immediate family, I have no ass). Then there was the leopard print one that fit me just right. Of course.

When I went outside I realized I was surrounded by all the women that are competing on Rock of Love Tour Bus. And what was worse, so was I. And there was a challenge- on the beach- which meant running around in my maybe-now-not-so-cute leopard print bikini. And what we had to do was use hockey sticks to hit a volleyball over a net and into a goal. And I stood there frozen cuz we each had to take individual turns and I knew there was no way in hell I could make the goal.

But then the tomboy girl competitor Beverly (who is from Georgia btw) whispered to me "pass the ball to me and I'll get it in the goal." So I did and she made the goal and we all jumped around because we were excited that we won a date with Bret! But with all the jumping my bathing suit top fell off and I had to hold it up to keep everyone from seeing my business as I ran back to the house.

2 Year-Old Meatball Sauce in a Crock Pot

I'm planning on making this recipe for Crock Pot Lasagna tonight. Yesterday Reem and I discussed when we bought the crock pot- specifically to make meatballs in for a Halloween Party a couple years ago.

I dreamed last night that I took the crock pot out of the back of the cupboard where its been for the last couple years and when I lifted the lid, the inside was still caked with 2 year-old sauce from the meatballs. The smell was awful. I took it outside and used the hose to clean it out.

Hash Browns

I had a really long and detailed dream that I can't for the life of me remember. But I remember one intricate part of the dream was that I was making breakfast. I wanted to make hash browns to go on the side of banana pancakes (of which I talked about making the night before, but nothing about hash browns).

So in the dream I am putting ingredients into a big metal bowl to make hash browns, this is what I put in it:
1 1/3 cups vegetable oil
a handful of pretzles
1 1/3 cup of sugar

I mixed it all together then added some corn starch. As I was stirring I realized I needed more pretzles so I added more. But as I kept stirring the pretzles turned into Cinnamon Toast Crunch squares. I then put it in a pan on the stove and cooked it like you would hash browns. I tasted a piece and thought to myself, these will go great with my pancakes.

Thats all I remember, but I know this was a small snippet of a really long dream!

Former Homes and Lovers

It's been a long time since I've posted a dream. I'm usually like my sister Reem, dreaming vividly and remembering all the details. But it's been strange for the last month I haven't been dreaming at all. In few days I have had a few dreams, but none of which I could remember when I woke up. But I finally remember a few details today so I figured that I should probably write them down in an effort to will my dream memory back.

I dreamed that I was moving out of my old house on Killian Street (which I did in real life over 3 years ago). Instead of moving to the house I live in now, I was moving into this beautiful, airy loft. As I was packing things up I kept finding dust bunnies in the corners in the living room and stacks of old pictures of my family.

In another dream, I had reunited with a former lover of mine, this rebellious political folk singer that I haven't seen in years. We laid in bed in my room of my parent's house and we kept asking each questions on topics I really enjoy discussing, and both giving answers I'd give. (Example: "Don't you love songs that play on the theme of Hush Little Baby?" "Yes! Like Bob Weir's Ashes and Glass, or Dudley by Yeah Yeah Yeahs, and sometimes I even think Bright Eyes' Bowl of Oranges..."

Then we went for a long walk outside in fields of snow. We wore snowshoes and and he found me a coral necklace. We ate salmon for dinner.

Lips and sweet walls.

My bedroom is really HOT and really DRY. So last night while I was sleeping my lips must have just gotten completely dried out and my upper lip cracked, which hurt. This happened in real life, but at the time I was dreaming, and when my lip cracked everyone was celebrating as if I had just been bat mitzvahed or something, and I thought, "Why are you all so happy? All I did was crack my lip!"

Later, I dreamt that I was helping my mom wallpaper my brother's old bedroom. Only once I had cut all of the pieces did I realize that the wallpaper was made out of maple syrup and shaved coconut. It occurred to me that this might not be the best material to use to wallpaper a room, especially since we have pets.

another boy dream

i've been having lots of wonderful dreams lately about having boyfriends. before last night i had a boyfriend who was blond and muscular (not my type) who LOVED me so much and i loved him so much and he had an audi and was in the army and raved about me to everyone.

last night i dreamt that i was in high school and there was this amazing man. brown hair and gorgeous. he had a girlfriend but i decided to go for it anyway. i asked him to dinner and we went to a cafe. his girlfriend showed up and sat between us and turned her back to me to face him. i left and the next day they were pissed at me for disappearing. i explained what happened and we became the best of friends. like, a super close and loving and caring friendship. it felt so good. they explained to me that they were russian communist spies and they were older than high school age, that was just their cover. we went to a show together and the band was amazing. 

the end of the dream was that i was changing my shirt and i was in a bra and he gave me a hug and the girlfriend walked in and didn't care, she understood. 

it was lovely and i was pissed at the alarm.

Starring Dustin Hoffman as Me

I was in a library on the second floor and I kept walking between aisles of chairs, very close together. I was wearing a giant skirt, similar to my purple one, so it kept brushing against people as I walked by. I saw this kid, about 9 or 10 or so, checking out a book with his mother.

All of a sudden, it was my responsibility to drive this kid to a sleepover party. We were in a fancy neighborhood, picking up two of his friends (one of whom I worked with in camp a few years ago). It was dark, and there were two headlights (not attatched to anything) in the front yard of a house. "I have to go turn those lights off," said the boy. "No, I'll do it," I told him. "Is it so you can grab some of those jelly beans?" he asked. I looked in the front yard. It was now daytime, bright outside, and there was a giant bowl of very large jelly beans right next to a tree in the yard. "Yeah, that's why I'm going to go," I said.

For some reason, I had to run to do it. I first turned out the light by squeezing these two small, bright pink balloons that felt like they were filled with sand.. They were in the bowl of jelly beans, amidst the jelly beans, but I somehow knew which ones to squeeze. I then started frantically grabbing as many jelly beans as I could, holding them all in my arms. At one point I thought that I should put them in my shirt or something, but my brain told me "there's no time!" so I didn't. I was about to return to the car, but at the last minute, I also grabbed an apple from the lawn. Right as I did that....the COPS showed up! Boooo!

He was nice, kind of oaf-y, and asked me why I was doing this. "Look man, I just want the kids to get to their sleepover," I said to him. He agreed, but also told me that I'd need to go to jail anyhow. It was a minimum security jail...so minimum, in fact, that you could go home to sleep every night. My friend Mark from high school was there. I wondered if his band was able to be successful while he was in jail. I also realized that he was in there for tax fraud.

All of a sudden, I was watching this all as a movie and "I" was being played by Dustin Hoffman. I watched him exit this building that I recognized, followed by Rahm Emanuel. The building was "where my brother and father get their hair cut," which is real life is owned by Ralph and Tony, but in my dream, was owned by Rahm's father. He was also a therapist. The sign on the door said "come on in!" Rahm yelled at Dustin to get back inside the jail or he'd ruin it for the rest of the people there, which I believe is a quote from The Simpsons.

Next, I was in Hong Kong with Emil. We entered our hotel and walked up a few flights of stairs that were only about 16 inches in diameter. "I knew this fucking country would make me claustrophobic," I said. The Emil, Sara, and I traded cars and drove around while talking to each other. I think we may have gone to a concert.

Flying and Trying

I love dreams in which I can fly. I have them pretty regularly and they are awesome. I feel very free and easy and can go way up high and go really fast. Last night I was trying to prove to someone that I could fly but I couldn't! I pointed my chin up to the ceiling and struggled but it was exhausting and at most I could only get about 2 inches off the floor. Finally I got a little bit better but it was still much harder than the usual flying dreams. I think it was because I was trying so hard. Usually it just happens without much effort. There's probably a lesson in there.

Tailgating Table and All + Some Others

I had another group of extremely disjointed dreams last night and this morning. I ate a Cheesy Gordita Crunch before bed. I wonder if that's what did it.

1. I was "tailgating" with my family following some kind of concert. I think it was after seeing a play or orchestra or something because it was in a big auditorium. My cousins and I all texted each other to meet up in one place. We exited the building to find my mother setting up a crazy spread on these silver folding tables with white paper tablecloths outside a warehouse. It was on a busy street and the air was dirty. She'd made a baked brie and a bunch of "sausage rolls," which were giant hot dog looking things wrapped in fried dough. I kept trying to take pictures of my cousins Luai, taken between two rolls of paper towels, but every time I aimed the camera right at him, it would take a picture right next to him. When he did appear in the picture, he had enormous buck teeth.

Also, a hearse kept getting in the frame, and I worried about seeming inconsiderate to the people involved in the funeral since I was taking a picture of the hearse. Then I realized the hearse was pulling us and the table on a trailer that was hitched behind it. We were moving, tailgating table and all.

2. I was Samantha from Sex and the City and somebody was proposing to me. I cried really really hard because I couldn't marry this person, but it was "the perfect ring." Apparently I really had that whole Samantha character captured pretty well. The ring was either a yellow or light green color and was some kind of stone that wasn't a diamond.

3. I could see the inside of my eyes really well and everything that was going on. There was a black, blurry looking thing flying around that I thought was maybe a bat. I tried really hard to open my eyes but I couldn't do it. Then I saw an eyelash and it was swirling around in rapid, tiny circles.

4. I received an email from a 5 year old child and at the end it said "eagerly awaiting your response."

General Pepper

I had an awful dream that my dog, Pepper, died. But it was also the stupidest dream I've ever had.

I dreamed that my dog was fighting in the Civil War. And she was a General or Colonel. I don't know what side she was on, but the two sides were in a large grove of trees marching towards each other. The other soldiers in Pepper's batallion were upset with her because she was not on a horse. They were yelling at her and telling her to get up on her horse so that she wouldn't get killed. And then she got shot. She lay there coughing. . .

Just then Pepper jumped on me in real life and woke me up.

When I woke up I was sad at first because I had a dream about her dying, but as the dream came back to me I realized how completely absurd it was. And then the war nerd in me came out because in real life the Generals are NOT supposed to be on a horse, because that makes them an easier target. Nerd. Such a ridiculous dream.

Evil Family? No, I'm Evil as well as a Tease

I was going to a lake with some people, and noticed a couple with a baby stroller walking in the opposite direction. The mom was wasted and kept falling down. I was worried about the baby so I went across the street and asked if they'd like to stay at my (parents) house until they felt better. Whoever I was walking with was annoyed that I was being such a nice person. The couple was grateful and we went back to the house.

It turns out this family was evil. I fell asleep and during this time they ransacked the house. They graffitied the whole house with lots of curse words and scary language. They cursed several items and made scary looking objects, like they took apart toys and put them together in strange ways that made them come to life. When I woke up they were gone, and the house was scary and terrible. My parents were not too concerned, they were just trying to clean up as best they could. I tried to explain that the family I brought over did it, and they looked at me with pity and said, "No, Sarah, you did all this in your sleep." It turns out that the family had just been a part of my nightmare. It was a nightmare within a real nightmare.

Then I was back in high school. It was my reunion. People were bitchy. I hung out outside with a pot smoker who asked me to help him sell some. He was concerned about me because I kept passing out and seeing scary things and no one would believe me. I passed out but was conscious and could not move but knew I needed to get to the nurses office but I did not know where it was.

Then there was a big party and an older woman was hitting on me. I may have flirted back a little but when she tried to make out with me I said, "No, I'm in a monogamous relationship" and she got FURIOUS and called me a tease and ran away crying. Then an ex-boss of mine called me at 2:30am to ask me why I lead on this woman in such a way. I was either drunk or still feeling out of it so I just said, I'll Call You Later! so I would not have to talk to my boss but I was annoyed she called me at 2:30 in the morning. I was also very confused at how she knew this woman.

These 3 stories were intertwined and all felt very scary, even the non-scary sounding parts. I was REALLY happy to wake up.

end of the world

i had a crazy nightmare. it was the end of the world. everyone knew that today they were going to set off a giant bomb to destroy the whole world, we didn't know exactly when, but we knew it was today. everyone was frantic and it was chaotic. people trying to find family members, junkies trying to do all the drugs in the world, etc. i was going with the flow and got dragged around. first we thought we were safe in a subway station, then we got bored and left there again. then i was on the phone with someone's mom, who was telling me to get her daughter wasted drunk. then i was looking out the window and i knew everyone i saw. i kept looking up in the sky and seeing what i thought was the bomb, but it ended up being something else.

my emotions were all over the place. from "thank god it's finally over and i get to take everyone with me!" to "holy shit i'm gonna die! i don't wanna die! mommy!"

it was extreme

Bits and Pieces

I don't remember any continuity in this dream, or hardly any details. But it's sticking in my mind.

I ate a banana. It was the most delicious thing I'd ever eaten. I contemplated having another.

I was in a crowded room with Breena, and Fred walked by. He was talking but I couldn't understand the words he was saying, although they were in English.

I was reading over my friend's shoulder. He was writing on his computer. He didn't know I was there, but it wasn't like I was spying. It was okay that I was reading it. Here's what I remember:

I keep hinting to Reem about the writing. She won't pick up on it. It's always got to be about love, but she doesn't even trust love. It's always love, never like.

Then it said something like "fleesch."

I woke up in a crabby mood.

Checkpoints and Rocket Ships

I had a dream that I was in Gaza in Tom's blue pickup truck. I was about to drive across the border to Israel. I was on a long highway and there was a huge line of cars waiting to cross. There was a checkpoint up ahead, but many officers were stationed every few yards who were checking cars. I got super nervous and looked in the passenger seat. There was a huge metal industrial meat cutter. I looked on the floor and there was a big plastic toy in a shopping bag that looked like a rocket ship. The rocket ship was blue and yellow. Somehow I knew that the rocket ship was actually used as a bomb, if you opened it up and put explosives inside.

I started to get really scared that I wouldn't be able to cross the checkpoint with what I had so I turned off onto a side street. There was an officer waiting there too. He motioned for me to come over. I asked him, "If I have something that I want to get rid of? Will I get in trouble?" He said no, that I could dump whatever I needed to with no questions asked. He opened my passenger side door and took out the meat cutter. He threw it into a huge dumpster that chopped it up into pieces. He came back over to my truck and said "I don't like doing this you know," and went on about how he was just doing his job, but didn't agree with what Israel was doing. I decided not to tell him about the rocket ship, if he didn't notice maybe the other officers wouldn't either. I drove back to the line to cross the checkpoint.

The next officers who stopped me were two young people, a girl and boy. They were dressed in jeans and blue and yellow polos, unlike the other officers who were all in grey uniforms. The girl opened my passenger side door and immediately grabbed the rocket ship and got really excited. "Look what I found here!" she said to boy and started saying stuff into her radio. I was terrified and started babbling excuses as to why I had it. The girl just stood there smiling and shaking her head. I said, "It's a toy. It's not what you think. Someone gave it to me." More officers started to show up. She held the rocket ship up to show them. They glared at me while the girl and boy smiled.

And then I woke up. I woke up terrified and couldn't fully fall back asleep after that.

rockstar boyfriend

so i went to this metal show and it was one of my favorite bands, which i didn't know before i went. suddenly i was in the back room hanging out with the band. the guitarist was a cute skinny man and i thought he was very sexy. he gave me a free shirt and showed me where they were going to spend the night. he asked if i had any sleeping bags, because they didn't have enough. i didn't, but we liked each other a lot. 

then i was on tour with them, but somehow it stayed the same endless day. i would watch the shows from the side of the stage and always have to search for the back room they were in. every time i entered the room, i thought they were gonna finally be sick of me, but they were always happy to see me. 

there was one thing with a guy who hates me who was gonna beat my ass and my boyfriend protected me. 

there was another thing where a band member started driving my car when everyone was in it and he was speeding and not stopping for intersections and we all thought we were going to die. i told him to stop and he wouldn't listen to me and i told my boyfriend to tell him to stop and he listened to him. 

it was kinda scary, but it was an awesome dream. i had an awesome boyfriend in a band i loved and he protected me and was always happy to see me.

Reverend Run and Jelly

I have a recurring dream about school. It's always high school, and it's always the end of the semester and I need to go take finals but a)I haven't been to class all semester so I don't know what we're studying and I haven't done any of the work and b)I don't know where the classroom is. What a boring recurring dream. It crept in a bit to the dream I had last night, but slightly more interesting. Only slightly - don't get excited...

I was in a high school english class that was being taught by Mr. Katimsky from My So-Called Life (I've watched over half the series in the last 24 hours in real life). We were supposed to do research papers on somebody. I had no idea who, or what the point of the paper was, or what we were supposed to include. My partner was Michael Masters, who I went to grade school with, and he was making his oral presentation. WHen he was finished, Mr. Katimsky said "Do you have anything to add?" and all I could think of to do was to come up with adjectives to describe the individual. First, I realized that Michael had been talking about Run from Run DMC. Next, I described him as "out there," "over the top," and "a spitfire."

Then Mr. Katimsky asked if I'd like to share my paper. I told him it wasn't done. My friend Johnny appeared and said his wasn't done either. I was bummed because I thought it could have been a cool paper - Run is interesting, I'm sure. I kept wondering how I'd be able to do the paper that night, since I went to school and worked teaching piano full time. Later, after I woke up, I had to tell myself like 5 times that I did not have to write that paper.

In the dream, I did offer to share this other thing with the class. I reached out the window and my arm stretched all the way to the blacktop ground outside, even though we were on the 2nd or 3rd floor, and I gathered some apricot jelly out of a jar with a long-handled white spoon. I passed it around the class to whoever wanted it. "I have strawberry or apricot," I told them. I was surprised at how many people had open faced peanut butter sandwiches sitting on their desks.

I got to Stephanie, another person I went to grade school with. "Do you have any apricot?" she asked. "No, only strawberry and apricot," I replied. She said "Ew" and I gave a serving of apricot to Rachel (also from grade school) who was sitting next to her. At this point, the spoon was gone and I was serving handfuls of jelly. I laughed about it. My hands were not sticky.

Nursing School, Sex, Hairy Toes, Oh my!

11 hours of sleep + melatonin = ...

It was the last day of school, as I work in a university. We were closing it down but also I was there with my current coworker M and a past coworker K. M, K, and I were all taking exams to get into nursing school. The exam was given by my current boss, who looked nothing like my actual current boss. I felt huge anxiety about this test and ended up leaving. We only had 20 minutes to do it and it was multiple choice. I could actually see the questions and answers in my dream, they were very scientific. Like "The Knee Cap and Petella are the same thing: true or false?" That's just an example, most were very hard and full of jargon. Time was up and I only did about a quarter of the exam.

This boss lady came to talk with me. She said she was very surprised and disappointed in me but that she would give me some extra time. I told her I was anxious about taking the test but also anxious about going into nursing school as I am squeamish about needles. She said I would get over that. I finished the test and she said I did very well.

Then in the school I was working as a hairdresser who only dyed people's hair jet black with a tar-like substance. There was someone evil across the way who tricked a person to sign up to pay a million dollars a month to get their hair done. This person was not too worried about it, but I tore up the contract and dyed their hair for free. That black stuff was everywhere.

At some point I had sex with a lady. It was fun.

Then I was back in time. It was the '50s or '60s and bowling had just been invented. So we were at a bowling alley and everyone looked like a greaser but you had to shower before and after you bowled, like at a swimming pool. So I came out of the locker room in just my underwear. No big deal. Everyone was exclaiming about this wacky new phenomenon of bowling. We bowled.

Then I sat in the corner with my shoes off and noticed that my toes were disgusting. I had really long hair growing between my toes. Like, as long as the hair on my head. It was thick and glossy. Someone commented, asking if I had noticed the hair before, and I said no! And quickly cut it off.

There was much more to the dream, but that's enough for now. Phew.