Nothing Better to Do

I was at some kind of school assembly that was taking place in a big field. There were hundreds of chairs organized in very neat rows, and a big square stage at the center of them all. I sat down in a row right behind some of my friends. Some music started playing, and even though I didn't recognize it, I knew when to begin singing and what lyrics and tune to sing. As soon as I started singing, I realized it was "Rosanna" by Toto. I looked up to check out the band that was playing it, and realized the lead singer of this band was the actual lead singer from the band Toto! I thought to myself, "he probably has nothing better to do." Also, he looked nothing like him in real life.

Later, my row of chairs was removed from the group by some kind of forklift, and then I was in the car with my brother Emil and cousin Luai, looking for a wedding gift for a cousin of ours in London. We drove to a part of Madison I'd never been to. There were several Arabic stores and a Home Depot. The street name started with the letter B. Emil picked out an ugly necklace as a gift, which I didn't really like, but I kept my mouth shut because I was bored and wanted to leave the store.

Choreographed Dance

I was abroad. A semester somewhere in Africa. I rode an elephant on the highway. He could go up to 45 mph. It was really fun.

Then I was at home on vacation. Some girl had a great idea. She decided to make our cats do a choreographed dance! We dressed them in nun outfits and they sang and danced. I said, "my mom will LOVE this - she loves singing nuns." This morphed into a group of college students doing a choreographed dance for their parents. It became huge. The song was very generic, but the audience knew it and sang along. I had the great idea to do a "punk rock verse" after the normal version of the song. I gave one of the performers a denim jacket I had in college with some band patches on it.

The show went great. I was the conductor, but instead of a stick I had some long dangly thing that kept hitting me in the arm. The students did great and each time they sang it it was bigger and better. At the end they got into a pyramid and held up flags. Then...Punk rock version! I shouted "1-2-3-4!" and they all danced around and for some reason stripped down to their underwear.

Afterwards we ate dinner and someone's dad saw one of the performing college students walking home in the snow in just his boxers. He said, "That guy is an idiot."

I'll Never Get Into Harvard

I got my fingers pierced. One finger on each hand. Kind of like a gem on the finger minus the ring. Later it turned into pierced wrists, like a stud on the outside of each wrist. It actually looked really cool. Kind of like this picture, but not quite.

I was hanging out with my college friends. We were all getting dressed up and showered and ready to go out. Helen said some nuns flirted with her. Someone I went to college with and can't remember her name right now was mad at me because she knocked on the door but I did not hear it so she had to wait. Sorry!

While I was in the shower, something weird and sexual happened. This girl I have not seen in probably 4 years saw me and informed me that due to the sexual incident, she would not be my friend anymore. I denied anything that happened, but she looked at me with pity and said no more friendship.

Then we were all at Harvard then at a fancy luncheon. I spilled my water or coffee all over the table. I got as many napkins as I could to clean it up, but it was quite a mess. This official lady came over to whisper to me, "Are you okay?" I said sure, I was fine. She looked at me with pity and said, "Well...The spilling thing..." And it was clear I could kiss my chance at Harvard good bye.

The Brother Totonchi

I dreamed that I was meeting Emil, Reem's brother (and Sarah's, though I've not yet met Sarah either), for the very first time.  For some reason I was in a hurry and really did not have time for this visit but thought I'd pop in briefly.  When I got there (Reem's place?), they were sitting around a tv.  I was introduced and then said that I had to get going pretty soon.  Emil begged me to stay, saying that we had to play some video game together.  I don't especially enjoy being put on the spot to play video games I've never played with people who play them all the time (in awake life) but I didn't want to be rude.  I stayed and played a game or two and Emil was soooo happy.  He was smiley and bouncy.

A Day in DeKalb

I dreamed I was with my friend Genia, visiting her hometown of DeKalb, IL. I've been to DeKalb numerous times in real life, but in my dream, I never had. In this dream, it was a booming city, really; there were two very tall buildings, one of which was painted with white and multi-colored checkers on the outside. We drove around in a car and I sat in the backseat with my head out the window like a dog, and I was fascinated with the city streets we passed.

Down one street, it looked like an olde-timey sort of area; old brown brick buildings with awnings and a lot of pharmacies. This one street had about 300 signs coming off buildings. Like this:



They each said the name of what kind of business it was, like "DENTIST," "STORE," "SHOES," and "TOYS," all in capital letters and written vertically. They were al different colors and overlapped with each other. It was amazing.

Down another street was two gigantic casinos. In a third location there was a coffee shop that's entrance was a giant octopus. Sort of like the Vortex in Atlanta, who's entrance is a giant skull:



There was other stuff that went on, but it mostly involved Genia and I drinking in a shitty bar and meeting two guys who tried to steal my two dollars worth of quarters. I'm not gonna dignify those dicks with anymore attention. So there!

The Longest Fart

Uh oh! I had a dream in which I was laying on a couch and my friend was sitting on the floor. I knew I had to fart, so I let out just a teensy bit, but it ended up being really loud! As soon as I realized it would be loud, I said "fuck it" and let it fly on its own - NO LIMITATIONS. TO THE EXTREME. Anyhow, that fart lasted forever! It just didn't stop! My friend looked up at me and said "Whoa!" and I was laughing and saying "I know! I know!" but I couldn't stop farting. It was one extremely long fart without a break. I think it must have lasted a couple of minutes.

Never Ending Store

I was shopping for a xmas gift for my gf. I went into a "cool" store that had like band t-shirts and cds and stuff. I was looking at the t-shirts for a while. Then I walked around the store. It grew and grew. I went down a level and saw beer. One of my old students was there looking at beer and we talked. Then I went back up to the shirts and looked at sex toys but they were very expensive and I knew some of the people in the store so I was self-conscious. I went back down a level. It was HUGE. I said, "I never knew this part of the store existed!" Someone said, "This floor is only open on Fridays." I was walking very fast; kind of stressed because I wanted to find the perfect gift and only had a certain ammount of time. There were stoned people everywhere. The nice chill ladies working said, "Chill out, take your time." They were selling very weird pipes and bongs with "legal bud". Some teenagers bought some and I asked if it was any good - they said yes but you had to smoke it "on the right axis." I tried to smoke some but they only had really weird looking pipes. I tried one that looked like a bird. One was really long and skinny like a chop-stick. Then I kept walking around the store. In one section they were giving someone tattoos. Then I found a cool row of weird toys. They were really cool looking - stuffed strawberries with faces and things. Kind of like these:
but different. Finally I left to go home and opened my bag. All I bought was a stupid obscure band t-shirt for some group I never even heard of. My gf wouldn't like that.

Luai Has a Mohawk

I dreamed that Luai had a mohawk. It looked pretty good.

That's it!

Jess Meets My Mom

I dreamed that my mom and I were driving around Madison in her car. We needed to stop by my friend Jess's house to drop off one box of Girl Scout cookies, even though I wasn't sure if they were hers or not. My mom pulled up and I jumped out of the car while she turned it around and parked it on the side of the street. I saw Jess in front of her house and handed her the box of cookies. She said she had something funny to show me. I was, of course, intrigued.

She held out a white tshirt and shook it so I could see what was on it. There was a giant Mickey Mouse and the phrase "If you fly this often, sometimes you have to reach for the ground." It was some kind of play on words in my dream, and it was referencing some other phrase about "reaching for the stars." We laughed and laughed and talked about how funny it was. She was giving it to me as a joke gift, and I was like "No! I don't want it! It's stupid!" and we laughed and laughed some more.

Then my mom came strolling up the walk. "Oh good," I thought. "She'll get to meet Jess and Mike." I looked at Jess to introduce her to my mom, but suddenly Jess gasped the word "DISNEY!" and was looking at my mom in horror. My mom was wearing the very tshirt we had been making fun of! "Um, this is my mom, Louise," I told Jess as I watched her hurriedly fold up the tshirt she was holding. They shook hands and everything was lovely and cordial.

I was happy that my mom and my friend were getting along so well and chatting like old buddies, so I'm not sure why I turned into a total asshole at this moment. I interrupted the conversation and asked Jess "So what's that tshirt you're holding?" She looked at me with a sort of "what the hell?" look and held it out to me. The whole time I was thinking "Why am I doing this?!" but I kept going. The shirt had transformed and the phrase was now written in French on the back of the shirt. My mom thought nothing of it and everybody was friends in the end. Whew. Sorry, Jess, that I was such a d-bag. This will not happen in real life. I promise.

Thin Ice

I dreamed that I was in a big house in what seemed to be a kids playroom. I was putting away toys and talking to someone. For some reason I had to leave and went outside. I was in the middle of a big warehouse district at night, there were big lights around the buildings. The house I was in was actually a factory of some sort and it was located next to a big lake. It was winter and starting to snow.

I started walking out onto the frozen lake that was covered with snow. I was talking on the phone to someone and telling them about Wisconsin winters. I was explaining how the lakes freeze and you can walk out onto the ice. I laid down in the middle of the lake in a pile of the fluffy snow talking. I told the person on the phone that you have to be careful when you are on the lake because certain parts do not freeze all the way. As I was talking I started to feel my body sinking a little. I realized I was laying on a part that was not completely frozen and my leg started to sink into the water. I started moving, carefully, to try and get to a part that was more frozen. I noticed the weather was getting warmer and warmer and the snow around me was melting fast. I was crawling- trying to get to the edge of the lake as fast as I could. All around me the ice was melting and sinking into the water. I crawled to the edge just as I was sinking into the water. I pulled myself up by the roots on the edge of the bank that was full of trees. I was able to stand up facing the lake and hold onto the trees with my arms to keep from falling in. I watched as the water kicked up huge waves.

A storm was starting. The waves were huge and crashing all over. The waves were picking up cars, that seemed to be coming out of the water, and throwing them into the air. They would come crashing down and water would splash everywhere. The wind was so strong that cars were being thrown around and one came flying towards me. I was able to move away quickly holding onto the trees as I walked. I thought to myself that I was stuck there because I forgot to take this little plastic toy with me that I had been holding onto in the kids playroom. If only I had that little toy then I could call for help. But then I realized I had my cell phone. I looked around at the edge of the lake and across thinking there was no way someone could come get me. I looked to the right and saw there was nothing to walk on if I tried to walk that way. To my left I could hold onto the trees and walk along the edge of the bank. I started walking along the edge holding onto trees as the waves crashed and flung cars around behind me. Once I got most of the way around the lake the bank turned into a brick walkway and widened. I was able to easily walk by the crashing waves and cars and back to the warehouse.

I woke up from my dream right when I opened the door to the warehouse.

Brosephs and Bathrooms

I had a dream that I was at a house where a bunch of duders lived. I am not sure why I was there, but I had a few suitcases with me. I was looking for one of the guys that lived in the house, but couldn't find him anyway. I walked through all kinds of rooms and doors. I ran into one of the other guys who lived in the house and realized it was someone I had dated in high school. He had been pretty devastated by our breakup and I realized in the dream that he still liked me. I thought, this is not going to be fun. I kept searching for this guy and when I got back into the living room one of the other roommates in the house was going through my suitcase! I was so pissed because he had put on one of my vintage dresses and was dancing around in it obnoxiously. I yelled at him to take it off because he was "stretching it out!!!" He took it off and picked up another one and put that on and danced around in it. I was so mad. I looked around to see if anyone would tell their stupid roommate to leave me shit alone only to see that my ex was in the room organizing a bookshelf, he clearly did not care. So I started searching for the guy I had been looking for again. Also I had to go to the bathroom so I was kind of looking for both. I opened a door to a storage room and when I closed the door to walk away my ex was standing behind me and made a face, like "ha, that's not the bathroom." What a jerk. I finally found the bathroom, but the door was shut and locked! The guy I was looking for the whole time was in there!!! Then I woke up.

Greasy Hair and Tiny Paper Airplanes

I was with my friend Christopher in some kind of outdoorsy camp. We walked into a building that looked just like the basement of the old Arabic church we used to go to. He sat on one couch and I sat on another. A wrestler or boxer or something sat on the arm of the couch Christopher was sitting on; he wanted to show us how greasy his hair was. He took off his hat and shook out his hair, shaking grease everywhere. Some landed on Christopher's yellow shirt, in little spots. He stood up, pissed. I knew there was about to be a fight...

Or so I thought! Both men stood up, facing each other, eye to eye. The wrestler/boxer proclaimed that he would be the one to decide what the "challenge" would be. So it was to be a challenge rather than a fight! This is much better...Anyhow, Wrestler/Boxer decided they'd do a competition with paper airplanes. They'd each stand across the room, facing each other, and one would throw a paper airplane at the other, who would then have to catch it. If he caught it, he'd win. That was that.

"This'll be easy!" I thought to myself. Until! You know there's gotta be a catch. Wrestler/Boxer got to pick out which piece of paper he used for the paper airplane! He walked towards a crowd of people and picked a tiny post-it note off the wall. The crowd oohed and aahed as Christopher and I looked on, worried. He was a daring and cunning foe, this Wrestler/Boxer.

With a sly look upon his face, he folded the tiny post-it into an even tinier paper airplane, and the two men took their places. My stomach flipped over and over, and for some reason, a movie played on an old television on the floor. It was all of a sudden understood that the paper airplane would be thrown as soon as the end credits of the movie were over. Suddenly, the credits were over and the lights dimmed. Wrestler/Boxer threw the miniscule airplane and it spiraled out of control. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Christopher dive for it and land behind an old brown couch. Silence filled the room as he emerged from behind the couch, a crumpled paper airplane in his hand. Cheers erupted and I went to hug him. We immediately headed out of the room, arm in arm. He was wearing my red sweater.

Short, Sweet, Etc.

I had a dream that I was dating Jim from The Office. We were hanging out with a big group of people; either my family, or the cast from the office. We sat together on a big, soft, green couch. He had his arm around me and I sat close to him. All of a sudden, he farted! I could tell only because I felt it through the couch. I looked at him, and he did that look he does when he looks right at the camera with his eyebrows raised.

I'm talking about the first face he makes in this video:


Really, Jim? You make that face even after you fart?

Short but Not So Sweet

I had a dream that my hair was UGLY.
Then I woke up in real life and my hair was UGLY.

so simple part 2

Just like kittymodern only 3 days ago, I too had a dream that I understood football! I felt all relieved while I was watching it, like "Riiiiight. THIS is how they get points. Field goals."

I can't believe of all things that could be themes on this blog, it is FOOTBALL. I'm a little amazed and disappointed in us.

Flavor Flav and the Magical Barn

I dreamed that I lived in a beautiful old farmhouse that had so much potential if I only had the time to work on it. It had this rundown but charming barn behind it that was my favorite part.

I had to leave my farmhouse to run a benefit for Georgians for Alternatives to the Death Penalty. We fed people southern barbecue there. In the middle of my speech Flavor Flav started heckling me and being a total jerk. He offended everyone and people started leaving. I started crying at the podium and then ran backstage.

When I saw Flav in the hallway I yelled at him "you cost us $10,000!! you have to give me a $10,000 donation to make up for this!" Then I made myself a to-go plate of barbecue and went home.

When I got home I saw that my friends had all been working on the barn - they turned it into a magical wonderland place with chinese lanterns, lots of blue ceramic tile and antiques on shelves. Ela had built a sweat lodge inside the barn and Mica had assembled a tea party with old cast iron tea kettles.

so simple.

I had a dream that I understood football.

Senators and Homeless People

I dreamed last night that my college diploma was deemed invalid so I had to go back to Berry College to take an economics class. The Chairman of Georgia's Senate Judiciary Committee (a friend) was my economics professor. Berry College is huge (the biggest campus in the world actually) and I couldn't find my shoes and it made me move around like molasses. And apparently the City of Atlanta decided to solve its homelessness problem by dropping off all these street people at Berry. They kept chasing me. The Chairman/economics professor drove an SUV and picked me up as I was being chased. I was grateful, but then I saw another state senator who I hate was in the front seat - this guy spits when he talks and gets bright red and sounds like a lunatic ranting and raving- very unpleasant. So I got back out of the SUV- I chose homeless chasers over crazy Senator Wiles!!!!

Dead Animals. Awesome.

This morning during one of the five-minute stints between my snooze alarm, I had a dream. I was in my bedroom but was aware and could hear that there was a group of people in my kitchen. I knew they were making a huge mess, and I was dreading going out there. I wanted them to leave. After much anxiety, I finally went out to the kitchen where three or four guys were standing. It was an absolutely mess; dirty dishes, broken eggs, beer spilled all over the floor...gross. I resigned myself to the fact that I'd have to clean up the mess, and I opened the refrigerator to begin putting away things. When I opened the door, I saw, laying on the shelf, a dead skunk. "Who put this here?" I exclaimed? As I looked at all these men, I saw something out of the corner of my eye. There was a dead possum on the couch. I looked to one man in particular (who I barely know in real life) and asked him to help me clean up. He held up his hands and waved his fingers in the air. "I can't," he replied, "I have to play a gig later." I screamed at him that he was bullshit. Then my alarm went off.

Dirty Cocaine, Making Out, Band Trip

My little sister was acting like an a-hole. I figured out it was because she was doing the cocaine. I asked her about it and she explained it was "dirty cocaine" so you had to cut it VERY carefully to make sure there were no "fingernails" or human particles in it. (This makes me want to barf). Nevertheless, I tried some and then regretted it, as I was about to embark on a band/orchestra trip because I was suddenly in high school again.

The orchestra trip was like a work conference with lots of team builders. There was one activity we did that was like "red light, green light" and everyone was annoyed that we had to do it. There were 2 cute girls in the room that I had my eye on. We had a 5 minute break, so I went to buy a drink for a cute girl. I ran outside to a bar next door. Their menu had fancy martinis on it for only $4 or $5 - I wanted to get 2 "marshmallow fluff martinis" but the waitress was being slow, so I ran back to the group, sans drinks. Finally the activity was done, and I asked a cute girl if she wanted to hang out with me.

She was like "yes" and started making out with me! It was cool. Then we were in Philadelphia but did not know where to go. So I asked my friend Matt who lives there where to go - we stopped by his house. He was making an extremely tall structure out of cardboard and it looked amazing. I don't think I got to make out anymore.

Not Enough Microphones

I was watching a star-studded celebrity cast singing a song. It seemed sort of like We Are the World. All the celebrities were standing behind a plastic window, singing into microphones, wearing headphones. I noticed Danny Wood from the New Kids on the Block singing with them. After a minute, he walked away from the group and approached four men sitting on black plastic chairs. They seemed like an audience, watching the rest of the singers. As it turns out, this group of four men was...the other New Kids! All of them: Donnie, Jordan, Joe, and Jonathan. Danny handed the mic to Jonathan, and he took Danny's place in the celebrity group. It turns out, the producers of this event didn't have enough microphones because they couldn't afford them, so the New Kids were all taking turns. Very sad...

Little Boy Gangsters

there was a mean gang of children and they were marching down the road. they looked like characters from "newsies." one little boy who was walking along the side had been burned badly in some incident by the other gang members, on purpose. i felt bad for this boy. he wasn't as "bad" as the others in the gang...just misguided. as he was walking, he looked back and saw the main gang member being pushed by another member in an oven that looked like it was converted to be a carriage. the boy was surprised to see this and approached them to ask what happened. the boy in the oven-carriage was super mean and his face was all pussy and crusty from being burned. he told the other boy that it was none of his business and hocked two gigantic loogies at the other boy's face. that's the end but i got a sense of knowing that the nicer boy would die of infection from being spit on because of his burns.

Bears

It's all very vague...I remember that I was going to be attacked by a grizzly bear. I knew that once I was attacked, I'd die. I walked around and kept running into bears. I thought each and every one would be a grizzly, but they all ended up being small black or brown bears. I was terrified, and I didn't want to die, but I knew it was inevitable. I knew that at some point I'd be attacked by a grizzly bear. I spent the whole dream being really scared and walking around looking for bears, getting ready to die.

Bags in the Toilet

I am having the grossest dreams lately. Ugh. So last night I dreamed this:

"It's finally time to take care of this toilet," I thought to myself. What I needed to do: remove two plastic bags that had been lining the inside of the toilet. Apparently, one had been lining the entire toilet bowl under where the water goes. And the other was fixed so somehow everything that got deposited into the toilet went into this bag. These were plastic shopping bags, by the way. Like what one might get at the grocery store.

Removing the first bag was easy. I just sort of pulled it out. But that second one...ooh, it was in there good! I started pulling on one of the handles, hoping it would all just come out magically. Instead, all this pee splashed everywhere, got on me, and everything sucked. NOT sexy results, I tell you. No way.

After I got the bag out, the toilet started to overflow. Of course. Water and pee were everywhere. I remember feeling very defeated and half-hearted as I picked up the soggy bath mat and hung it to dry. Waa waa!

Goldie Hawn's Pubes

Okay, get ready to barf. Yes, I know, I gave it away with the title. But here we go anyhow.

Last night, I dreamed that I was watching a movie with Angie and Jacob. It starred Goldie Hawn, and the plot was that she was old. Seriously, that was the plot. In the movie, she said some line that sounded like "You think that's bad?! Check this out!" And then, my friends, she did it. She lifted her dress and all we could see was her pubes. For real. Vagina and pubes. And, to top it all off, she had some sort of tribal henna tattoo in a ring over her pubes. And to make matters worse, the scene in which she held up her dress was like an hour long. Barf-o-matic, Goldie!!!

Dudes. Sick.

Prince Valium

I dreamed that when Alex came over to pick me up, he had gotten his hair cut like Prince Valium, the sleepy prince from Spaceballs. You know, the guy that Druish Princess Vespa was supposed to marry before Lone Star and Barf saved her. That old guy. Anyway, Alex looked just like him, bangs, hair curled under at the ends and maybe even a little lip gloss.

I looked at him in horror- I could not understand why he would do such a thing to his appearance. Reading my mind he says "You wanted me to try to be more fashionable." He became more and more amused the more I stared in horror. He batted his luxurious eyelashes at me, puckered his shiny lips and started to sing, "America, FUCK YEAH!" his favorite line from Team America. This guy with a Prince Valium haircut is taunting me?!?!

I just stood there wondering if we really had to leave the house that night.

Loved by God in a Minivan

I dreamed I was at one of my student/family's houses, giving them groceries. The father of the family (who is not the father in real life) was small and creepy and had unwashed hair. He rushed around the house trying to find me a bottle of wine. I wondered if I'd ever get kidnapped and hidden in their basement.

We got in their minivan and drove around the neighborhood. They had just moved in and were unfamiliar with their surroundings. Emil was in the minivan too; he sat in the row behind the mother and I. At one point, we passed some old sheds or garages or something and Emil talked about the historical importance of them. Later, we passed a church, and the mother said that she hoped it would be a good church for her family. Emil started rolling his eyes and questioning her faith. I gave him a look that was meant to say "chill out and be respectful, these are my clients." At that point, the mother put her arm around me, leaned over, and told me:

God loves you. God will always love you.

I kept nodding and saying "I know, I know." And I smiled a lot.

That was really nice.

German Note.

I was of course standing in front of the the refrigerated dairy section (yogurt) in the grocery store and my friend Mr. Rogers came up to me and handed me a letter that I had sent to a friend of mine that had arrived in the mail. On the envelope I had written in large letters in permanent marker Life is Imhoffgurd. Which was apparently a 'German' word.

Mr Rogers was smirking and I said "I wrote that word but I don't even know what it means.". Mr Rogers obviously knew what it meant but was too shy/embarrassed to say it. Just them my friend Rachel walked up to the yogurt display and I handed the letter to her and she said "it means that in life you will play the role of 'kitten' in sexual role playing"

Giant Slide and Colors

I was on some sort of obstacle course with my siblings. We were on a family vacation, and this was one of the sights we stopped at. We went through several victorian-looking houses and stopped at various booths. The two I remember were:

1) A manicure station. It was being run by somebody's dad. I didn't really want to have my nails painted, but I knew they would end up being pink with a design on the thumb. I then went through all the colors in my head and decided what colors the design on that color should be. It was like this: red goes with black, white, and silver; orange with black, white, and gold; yellow with black, white, and silver; green with black, white, and gold, etc. For some reason, when I think about these colors now that I'm awake, the combinations look different than they did in the dream. Everything looked better, matched better, were more vibrant in my dream.

2) A giant slide. It took about 1 and 1/2 minutes to go all the way down. It was a double slide (two right next to each other) and had a tunnel over parts of it. Emil went down first, and I followed him. It was very relaxing.

Co-Workers: Sexual and Violent

Last night I dreamed about 2 (recent) co-workers.

The first one shared a room with me. She asked me if I minded if she had sex in the room. I said I didn't care. In the dream I woke to her and a gentleman friend "getting it on." The funny thing was that first I heard them discussing code words that referred to different sexual acts. But the words were totally random. I WISH I could remember them. It was like, "Hippopotomous," "Cotton Ball," and "Hypothermia." So all I heard was moaning and saying these different words over and over again.

Later I was with a different co-worker. I found out she was evil. She kept a child on a scary S/M-like collar and leash for ten years and was abusive. I couldn't figure out why no one reported this to the police, so I ran to the police and told them even though she told me not to. They came quickly and took her away. She turned to me and said, "FUCK YOU!"

Wedding Party

Recently I was at Mark and Alexa's wedding. In my dream I was at their wedding but it was different. No one danced, and it was stiff and formal. Then I realized it was Andy's wedding. I don't know who he was marrying. Then it was back to Mark and Alexa's. I gave a gift - a "bouquet of balloons" - each balloon was inflated a little with some water, fish, and crickets. Unfortunately, I forgot about them for a while. So by the time I was giving it to Andy, the fish and crickets were dead and it was really gross. Also I gave the DJ 5 cds to play. The first song was a Guns and Roses song which "pumped up the group" and helped the party be less formal. I left the party. Then I was upset because I realized I left my cds. Besides the Guns and Roses, I also had contributed X and The Muffs. I don't remember what the other 2 cds were. But I got a text from Andy saying, "Did I tell you I already have The Muffs' cd?" - basically implying that it was an unnecessary contribution. That along with the dead-cricket-fish-balloon-bouquet and I kind of felt like I didn't do so great.

BeatleJuice

I dreamed I was in BeatleJuice. It wasn't a movie, it was real life. Beatle Juice was very scary.

Product Marketing of my Childhood Takes Over my Dreamworld

I dreamed that my siblings and cousins and I lived on "islands" at Disneyland. They were shaped like giant snow globes without walls and they rotated. Each island had a different theme, for example Luai's was covered in giant mushrooms similar to the ones in Super Mario Brothers, Layla's was My Little Pony and Emil's was Go-Bots. Mine was Care Bears and my bed was a giant cloud.

As I lay in the bed I thought about how heavenly this place is and how I should bring a souvenir back for my friend. I look at my nightstand and see a sterling silver Smurf figurine. "Perfect!" I think to myself as I snatch it up and put it in my pocket.

Later I meet my family in the "family room" (which looks like the family room at my parents' house) for breakfast. Everyone had paper plates. Reem had three biscuits and a waffle. Luai had fresh-baked cinnamon buns and bacon. I was more jealous of Luai.

Russell Simmons, Mom, and I in the Minivan

Well sir, I had a funny dream last night. I dreamed that Russell Simmons was driving my mother and I around in a minivan. He sat in the driver's seat, and mom and I sat in the way back.

We got pulled over because none of us were wearing seat belts. Russell insisted it was racial profiling. Later, we competed in vaguely olympic-like events that required wearing backpacks and crossing a room that looked like a pool with no water.

An Emo Dream with Wallpaper and Tears

I was at my new job. But it was different - our job was putting up wallpaper but there was also a daycare center. I was self-conscious because one client was well-to-do and there was only one bathroom to use - in her bedroom. But it turned out she was very nice.

Then I was hanging out with my friends from college. KD was there. (In real life I'm a little obsessed). He was crying so I gave him a big hug. I was crying too. I told him, "Sometimes I get a little depressed." He said, "We all do."

Sand Tiger Sharks on the Lawn

I dreamed that I was trying to leave for work from a house I was living in with my sister. I was in a rush because I had three back to back meetings in the morning which was also true in real life today.

As I was trying to pull out from the driveway I realized there were carcasses of sand tiger sharks all over the lawn and blocking driveway. They looked like real sand tigers with their mouths stuck open because of their jagged teeth but more rubbery skin.

Reem and I decided to call in "the authorities" to move the dead beasts. They took forever to arrive so we decided to try to pull them out by tying a rope from them to the back of my car. When I backed out the rope yanked and pulled out their rows of teeth completely from their mouths. We spent a long time looking at the teeth and their mouths close up.

I then realized it was 1:30pm and that I was hours late for all three of my meetings. I got back in my car and drove real fast, thinking about how no one was going to believe why I was late today.

Hacker Hate

I dreamed last night that some asshole hacked my blogs. I've been getting a lot of hate comments on 2 of my blogs (see Firebird and Reynoldstown Building) by someone who think I am someone else- specifically they think I am the artist behind the Blah Girl tag, which I am not, and state that repeatedly on my blogs. My guess is that this person is part of this group of self-proclaimed graffiti vigilantes who have even been known to hide in trees and jump out and attack taggers in Cabbagetown in Atlanta. Weird, huh?

Anyway, the dream was that this person had hacked into my account and taken down all the content and replaced it with really obscene, offensive statements about me. I'm sure that this is because even though I have stopped approving this person's comments he (I am 100% sure its a guy) still tries posting them. They are really crass, rude and attempt to intimidate me. But similar to his rating in our local weekly as the 5th Most Uninfluential Person in Atlanta, his attempts have been more irritating than intimidating to me.

In the dream I was really anxious about losing all my writing and photos and immediately started scrambling to see if i could recreate it all. I think I might back up my blogs this week.

Podcast of One Second Time Machine on WKRS!

Alright, alright, it's not ALL about the One Second Time Machine, but it's still cool. There's a link up on the WKRS website. Just go to www.1220wkrs.com and click on PODCASTS on the left and choose That New WKRS Show with Patrick Read Johnson, Amy Barnett, and Mike Pawlak. Our "mention" is under the interview with Dr. Arthur Bernard. FAMOUS!!!

http://www.1220wkrs.com/

We're Famous! In Waukegan, At Least...

Just kidding, we're totally not. But I did want to share that today, our very own Luai hosted a radio show in Illinois on WKRS 1220 AM. His guest was Dr. Arthur Bernard, an expert on dream work. Lucky me, I got to call in and ask him about some of the dreams I've had and posted on here. Luai and I also got to promote the One Second Time Machine a bit - yay!

It was tough to pick just on dream to talk about, so I asked Dr. Bernard about all the petrified animal dreams I've had. I had five of them all between September 2008 - January 2009, and they have all involved observing animals "freeze," in some way. Check this dream, which links to the four others. He explained that dreams are often symbolic of other things, like that these animals really represented my feelings, not necessarily actual animals. He said that the petrifying aspect could be me trying to let out my feelings and getting scared at the last moment, thus, the dreams/animals freezing and, although not quite dying, not being completely carried out. Interesting, eh?

Luai was a fantastic radio host and asked why eating right before we sleep makes our dreams so crazy. To be honest, I can't remember the answer to this. But Dr. Bernard was pretty informative. I'd be interested in checking out his book and looking through some of the dreams you crazy people have posted on here in the last year or so. Ya know, find out about all your feelings....

We're hoping that a recoding of the interview will be included on one of Dr. Bernard's future podcasts, so if that happens, we'll let you know. In the meantime, check out Dr. Bernard's website!

a little hazy

i was with someone i knew (perhaps the hub?) and we were traveling somewhere. i recall a large coliseum-type structure that we were in the neighborhood of. i think we meant to be at the coliseum but we had lost my sister who was with us. before we lost her, the three of us were looking for my mom. i remember thinking that we shouldn't have let my sister just go around the corner to look for our mom for a minute, because that's how we then lost my sister. so, we popped into random places as we were looking for my sister (screw looking for my mom at this point, i guess). one place we went into was a small, dark house. by then, i was carrying a tiny baby with me. it wasn't my baby - it seemed to be a friend's baby, i think. i put it down on a kitchen table, all swaddled and laying there. i opened up what was a bedroom door and saw a young woman against the wall across the room, crouched down with her arms folded around her knees. i felt intrusive so closed the door right away, then thought that perhaps she was in trouble as she looked sad or scared. so i opened up the door. this time, people appeared from other sides of the room and said, "maybe she can help us." they were debating having an orgy and that one girl was having second thoughts. it was very pragmatic, actually. she wasn't uncomfortable with the act itself - it was more like she just didn't know if she knew *how* to have an orgy. i'm not sure i was much help but the group came out of the room and i think one of them was perez hilton and he and i talked a bit. he was very chatty and a little flamboyant. i then went back to the baby and was able to catch it right before it was about to roll off the table.

Living With My Friend's GIrlfriend

I dreamed I was standing in my apartment in Madison, only it was a different apartment than I live in now. It had a big, old looking, wooden bed with a quilt on it. The quilt looked like something you'd see in a real "American" bed and breakfast or something. Sort of like this, but not such a big pattern in the middle:



I was with my friend and his girlfriend, standing in the apartment, when I realized that this girlfriend was moving out of this apartment. I didn't even know she lived there! SHe had packed up most of her things already and would be gone that day.

I looked at her and my friend, and looked back at the bed, and wondered where she slept. I couldn't remember ever having shared a bed with her. "Did you ever sleep here?" I asked her. She smiled, but didn't answer me.

I also wondered where she put all her clothes, since I have both closets full of clothes and shoes and purses and junk (this is true in real life; I have two regular sized closets that are totally full). A door opened to another room I'd never before seen. It was like a dressing room and had all her clothes and a sewing machine inside. Off of that room, there was yet another room that had a giant furnace in it. For some reason, when I looked at it, I exclamined "We have laundry in here! I can't believe I didn't know that!" I was so excited because of the convenience, but then I immediately felt lazy since I did have laundry (just like in real life), it's just down in the basement. So lazy!

Lia's Dream

My friend Lia told me her dream over a gmail chat this morning. Short and Sweet:

Lia: Oh, I have to tell you about a crazy dream I had the other night...Th to Fri. I was at your house and there was a group of people there and we were "smoking" pot. But the way we were "smoking" was that there was a glass of water with weed in it and someone would take a sip, gargle, and pass. Totally disgusting!

What's Grosser Than Gross?

This dream is grosser than gross, friends. Consider yourself warned.

I dreamed about my scar from a brown recluse spider bite. The scar is a keloid, it's huge and on my upper right thigh and totally cute. I'm kidding. It's actually not that bad but people definitely react when they see it and hear that it is the result of me being attacked by a poisonous spider.

So in the dream there was this corn syrup and rubbing alcohol mixture that was dripping everywhere. I was wearing shorts and some got on my thigh right near my scar. As it dripped down my leg and the flesh across the top of my scar sizzled like it was being burned by acid- but in my mind it felt really good. The scar immediately started oozing - thick yellowish puss started flowing from the old wound. I got a napkin to clean it up but so much was coming out it was impossible, and now the puss had streaks of blood in it too. So I got a cup and started collecting the puss. (VOMIT, I know!!!)

In the end my scar was all flat and small and pink. And I felt incredibly relieved.

The Boss (not Bruce unfortunately)

My friend Alex's boss haunted my dreams last night. Because I don't know what he looks like, he changed forms from one creepy older gray/white-haired man I've seen at the capitol/in court/on the street to another.

Alex's office looked the same as it does in real life but it was located at the top of the Sears Tower. The elevator up required you to be strapped in like a ride at Six Flags. I had a little girl with me who was too short for the straps so I had to hold on to her for 35 floors (yes, specifically 35, though the Sears Tower is certainly taller than that).

I was supposed to go out to dinner with Alex and his coworkers but when I got to his office no one would talk to me. Alex looked at me annoyed and said "I'm working and I'll find you when I'm done." I sat down and it was cold and there were no blankets and I didn't have a cardigan. I found an art magazine to read and The Boss came over and started mocking me and art itself. I had some smartass response that made him laugh. There was evil gleaming in his eyes.

When we walked to the restaurant the streets looked like Chicago and it was winter. I realized that the little girl left her jacket behind and we had to go back up the elevator. The Boss laughed sarcastically and sneered "good luck in finding us."

A Year in India

I dreamed I was in India with my friend Alex. We were inside an apartment that was full of open windows with long pink (light pink and magenta) curtains blowing in the breeze. Several rooms in the apartment were round, or maybe hexagonal, and lined with these windows. There was a big white bed in one of these rooms.

We left the apartment and stood out on the street, looking back at the door through which we'd just exited. It was at this point that I realized I'd committed to spending the next year in India. I immediately felt anxious, mostly about things like finding a cell phone and appropriate cell phone plan, and paying my bills back home. Later, I realized the big picture problem; I also didn't want to spend a year in India. I spoke out loud to my mother (who wasn't there physically) "I'd spend maybe a month here, maybe two. I want to go other places too - like China."

Alex and I stood on a street together. The street was gray and filthy and full of trash. There were bits of garbage in the gutter, like the red and white cardboard from a case of Coca Cola, and flattened aluminum cans, and bits of old newspaper. It felt really lonely and desolate and scary. Alex was about to leave. "Wait, which door do I go through to get back to the apartment?" He looked back and I followed the path of his eyes, and saw a sign that said something like "Beautiful Babies" or "Bathing Beauties" or something like that. Double Bs.

I was so relieved when I woke up this morning, and had to remind myself about six times that it was a dream and that I didn't have to go to India.

Failing School and Scary Animals

I keep having dreams about forgetting to go to class and failing. Last night I was in college and taking 3 classes, 2 of which I were getting F's in. I planned to stay up all night cramming for the exam in one of them to at least pass the class. And I was upset because I was failing 2/3 of my classes, so why bother paying for all this school? *

Also there were scary animals - kind of like eels. I kept capturing them and trying to kill them, but they would divide and wriggle away. I've had lots of scary animal dreams, especially about fish (since recently aquiring a pet goldfish).

*I've been done with school for 4 years. When will I stop dreaming about it?

liar

so i dreamt that i went to a show with my friend kayte. we were the only people watching the band. for some reason i told kayte these huge lies about how sweet i was at playing drums. kayte thought it was awesome that i could play drums and she said we should start a band. the band we were seeing overheard us and said we could play with their instruments when they were done. i was terrified. so we went up there and i could, surprisingly, play the drums a little. i was relieved because the drummer of the band we saw was really cute.

LOL, and SOL I guess?

Two days ago I woke up remembering that I had laughed very hard and sang in my dream. All out loud. But I don't remember what I dreamed about.

Dolly N Me

Last night I had a dream that that Dolly Parton and I made a scrap book together. Mostly this scrapbook was cut out pictures of porcelain dolls that we liked and also wigs we really liked too. Interspersed through the scrap book were cut outs of picture of kids from magazines. We would place heart stickers next to the kids and write swear words in the hearts. For example there was a picture of a little girl and a puppy and we had put a heart sticker next to her and written "SHIT YEAH!!". Dolly and I also had matching yellow t-shirts we would wear when we made this scrapbook with handlebar mustaches on them.

Mish-Mash of Common Themes

Last night was like a managerie of all the common dream themes I have.

At various points I was:

-walking around, then realized I had no shirt on, felt embarassed but just crossed my arms in front of me and kept going

-wondering around a huge academic building where I forget to go to class and the semester's almost over

-hanging out with my girlfriend, who sometimes turned into an ex-girlfriend

-seeing musicians. Last night they were various lesbo bands.

Ghost in my Apartment

In my dream, I saw some kind of ghost or spirit in my living room. I remember walking out of my bedroom knowing there was a spirit in the room, right near the small couch and coffee table. Suddenly, I was turned around, looking back into my bedroom, and the spirit was between my bed and the wall, about 3 feet to the left of the window that looks out onto the lanai. It was black and/or dark, and it looked tall and thin, but was shapeless, like a wall of dark mist. It moved very slightly, as if an extremely gentle breeze was blowing through it, but in slow motion.

I said to it "I know you're here. I pray that you leave peacefully. I hope this is okay." I also remember thinking of that episode of Sex and the City in which Miranda has a ghost and Samantha tells her to deal with it by acknowledging its presence, then asking it to leave. Glad to know I take my advice from that show...

After that, the spirit wasn't there anymore, but I was nervous to go back to sleep in my dream.

American Cheese

I dreamed that I handed my sister a piece of American cheese that I'd taken out of its wrapper. Two of the corners were hard and darker than the rest.

Sorry, sister! I'll bring you wonderful cheese in real life, I promise.

How To Put On A Bathing Suit

Sometime last week I dreamed all about putting on a bathing suit. I was in a gym locker room and Sara M. was helping me find a bathing suit. She was reaching into this big dishwasher/oven looking thing and pulling them out, one by one. She handed one to me.

It took me forever to figure out how to put it on. The straps were all wrong, and I kept putting my arms through the wrong sleeve. Then after I finally got it on, it was all crooked and I couldn't straighten it to save my life. It covered everything, but was super off-center. Also, I realized that it was white. Booo! I can't wear a white bathing suit! It'll be see through and you'll see everything!

So Sara hands me another one from the oven, this time, a red one. This is equally difficult to put on. I finally get it on sort of correctly, and realized I was wearing black tights underneath, as well as black high heels. They only came up mid-thigh though, so there was this awkward area of skin between the top of the tights and the bottom of my suit. I wasn't sure if this was how I was supposed to go swimming (wearing black tights and heels), so I looked around the locker room. Nobody else was wearing tights, so I took them off.

The Hell's Satans

I don't remember my dream very well, but I know I was hanging out with some friends from high school. At one point, one of them said he thought I hated him in high school. I hugged him and said no, I never hated him, I was just socially awkward. We had a slumber party. One friend brought an inflatable water bed. At 9:30 in the morning we got drunk on vodka tonics to the point where I spilled mine. He looked at me and said, "Normally I'm not self-destructive like this." There was a tone of judgement in his voice.

Then we went to a tavern with a group of friends, some from college. We wanted to see the band play, and then suddenly it was beautiful classical music in a fancy music hall. One of my friends, J, who I have not seen in several years brought in a sandwich from Subway. She took off the plastic wrap and it was REALLY LOUD and crinkly, and everyone stared at her until she got kicked out. She was extremely upset, so I walked her and her baby (who suddenly appeared) home.

When we were walking home we passed a few guys who looked very tough. Lots of tattoos. They were very scary. Okay, in real life I wouldn't see a biker with a lot of tattoos and get scared. But in my dream they were terrifying. I knew they were white supremacists, violent, and evil. Something happened when we passed them, I can't remember what, but it pissed them off. So I knew they were after us. They were going to kill us! I looked them up online and their "bike gang website" proved how evil and violent they were. I was in a panic, making phone calls, gathering belongings, we had to get out of there!!!! I can't remember how it ended.

Mission Dolores

I dreamed last night that I was walking in the Mission in San Francisco. I was looking for Mission Dolores. I circled a city block and I saw it looming in thy sky around the corner. The old church stood stiffly next to the curves and clay of the old Mission. I moved faster, eager to get inside.

I walked the grounds remembering the last time I was here with my mother in the fall last year. I looked for the graves of missionaries from my mother's home in County Tipperary in Ireland. I looked for the thatched hut. From across the grounds I heard a voice calling my name eagerly.

When I got to a clearing, I saw it was a woman named Maryam. I should clarify that in awake life, I've never met this woman or know who she is, but in my dream I remembered her from Iraq. I also remembered that she was Persian, then I corrected my memory that she was French. I remembered she was married to a kind, brilliant older man who wore tweed and smoked a pipe. I also remembered she was a professor of Women's Studies. I can't recall another dream I've ever had where my mind created so much history about a figment. I called out to her excitedly, "Bonjour!"

Maryam gathered up her girls around her, they were on a trip abroad from the university. She invited me to have tea with them. She quizzed me excitedly about how my parents are doing. We moved under an archway into the shade, and one of the girls laid out a sparkly, gauzy blanket that we all settled down on. A clay tea pot was produced and a plate of flaky cookies was passed. The conversation was exciting and delicious as the snack; I felt inspired.

When we finished, the girls got up from the blanket and I noticed that the blanket now bore symbols like seashells, some zodiac signs and other images I don't remember. I knew it was time to tell our fortunes. We all tossed the remnants of our tea cups onto the blanket and amazingly, the tea leaves started spinning in the air. As they would drift toward each of the symbols, the group would cry out what it meant. "Travel!" "Love!" "Swimming!"

Maryam kissed me on both cheeks as we bid goodbye. I walked back through the grounds of Mission Dolores and stopped at the sight of Mary framed by a golden orb. The paint was chipping and it looked like tears on her face. I pressed my palm on her cheek and thought of my mother, my grandmother, my sister and my sisterfriends. I thought about unexpected visits from Mary in Fatima, in Egypt, Guadalupe, Lourdes. Pieces of the paint-tears crumbled into my hand and I put them carefully into my coin purse. I felt so fortunate, so lucky, so blessed.

Talking Cats

I dreamed last night that my cat Eek could talk, but the trick was that you had to ask him exactly the right question. I couldn't remember what that question was though so I walked away from him. Then from behind me I heard him say "MA-ma."

I should add that my friend Alan told me yesterday that he taught his cat to talk and say "Alan". In real life not dreams!

Also I've recently given Eek a new nickname, Mr. Meow-gi. This is because he meows incessantly. I just thought you all should know that.

Evil District Attorneys and Witches

Evil men floated in my dreams last night. The men are two people I know and I actually sat between them at a hearing yesterday. They are two of the most notorious, bloodthirsty District Attorneys in Georgia. Though I work with one of them regularly, my nervousness of them goes so deep not to put their names on this blog for fear that it would get back to them and there would be personal repercussions. In the dreams that continued even though I'd wake up from time to time, their heads (no bodies) kept floating in my peripheral vision as I looked around in my dream. It was nerve wrecking.

Finally I had a different dream in which Alex and I were walking hand in hand in Decatur Square. We noticed an exhibit of Disney villains that you could see a preview of by throwing a quarter into a jar. We threw our quarter in and the statues we were all of a sudden surrounded by came to life. They were real people and moving in circles around each other and us. It was like we were trapped in the middle of a ballet stage. Then I realized that three of the performers were really evil witches and I pulled Alex's hand to try to get out of there. I was immediately face to face with an evil witch and she screeched and my heart jumped and then I woke up.

School, Jamming, and a Girl

I was in school with Reem Tara, in a large auditorium-like space. The class had different parts. First was music. She and I "jammed" hilariously on drums, a bass, and something else. I played a jazzy riff on the bass and it was awesome. Ben Marx walked by and laughed at us. Then we got papers handed back to us. Reem Tara and I did ours together and we got...AN A+!!! We were so happy. The teacher, who is a co-worker of mine in real life, was very impressed. Then came the test - people took turns standing up and demonstrating different angles. So someone bent over far, and the teacher demonstrated that that was a 45 degree angle. Then someone else spun around and around and around (doing multiples of 360 degrees) and finally the teacher said, "Okay, that's enough!"

Later I was walking down the street and saw the girl of my dreams, who kind of looked like this. She went into her stupid boyfriend's apartment. I followed after her and saw she had put 3 posts up outside his door leading him from one, to another, to the 3rd one. The 3rd one had a present. They were strewn about, so I knew he already saw them, so I took them.

Then I was hanging out again with Reem Tara and Helen. Helen informed me that (this girl of my dreams) was coming over later because they were friends. I got super nervous but luckily I was wearing a cute outfit - a pink shirt and a pink skirt (different shades of pink). Then I realized I was still holding the signs I stole from her boyfriend's apartment building, so I threw them very hard into the garden that was all of a sudden there. Girl Of My Dreams came over and was shy and I did not know how to talk to her. I told them about how Reem and I "jammed" during school and laughed like it was the most interesting and hilarious thing ever. I don't think the Girl of My Dreams was impressed.

Military Mockery

This dream is fading fast...But I do know that I went to a small-town event that was in honor of Parkinson's disease patients. Prior to this event I was at a neighbor's house where children were. I noticed a sharp looking military outfit and the mom encouraged me to "try it on - it looks good!"

So I wore the military uniform to the Parkinson's diesease event. The woman in charge was SO excited to have me there - she said she would ask me to stand up and "represent the military." I did not have the guts to tell her that I was an imposter who was merely wearing an outfit.

I stayed at the event for a bit and then quickly left. In the dream, I thought it was kind of funny that people thought I was in the military. But afterwards a co-worker who was there YELLED at me. She said I was insensitive towards people who are really in the military and that I clearly "have a problem with men." So I SCREAMED at her, saying that I was at the Parkinson's event for 2 important male members of my family, so how is that having a problem with men?

Also as I was walking from the event I saw huge frogs on the grass. And another neighbor offered me money to help her clean up her dog poop. And I got a parking ticket but had no money to pay it.

haven't been on in a while

people, i have dreams about having babies all the time. (note: speak to therapist about this.) so Sunday night i dreamt that i had a baby with a russian man. when the baby came out it was black and i looked at russian man like, "oops," but he didn't know what i was talking about, so cool. 

i gave the baby away for adoption because i didn't want a baby, but for some reason i had to see it all the time. i was like "no i don't wanna get attached...." and someone hands me it. 

the baby was so cute! cafe au lait colored and obama hair.

Boring Stuff

I was staying in a hotel with Sarah somewhere in the suburbs of Chicago, and we needed a ride to my parents' house, which is also in the suburbs of Chicago. Instead of asking one of my 50 zillion family members for a ride, we called Sarah's dad and asked him to come down from Michigan to drive us. While he was on his way, we hung out in the hotel room.

Sarah's dad arrived with her little sister Hannah, and some guy named Andre who kind of hung out and complained a lot. WHen our bill for the room came, I was mad because they'd charged us 76 cents for a bottle of "Peanut Butter Water" and 25 cents for "Vanilla Breath Spray." I kept reading the bill obsessively, trying to remember if we'd had those things and we hadn't, so I asked them to remove the charges. "I know it's just a dollar, but it's the principle of it all," I explained. Then Sarah appeared and announced that she may have used those things on her cruise last year, so that's why they were there. Whoops a daisy!

Later we drove on a specific highway in Madison (the one coming north from Mount Horeb into town) and all the roads were closed due to construction. I followed a maroon mini van, swerving in and out of piles of dirt.

Later, I watched American Idol on television, and the theme of the night was "On the Lanai."

Hypnotic Hair Dye

As part of a research study, I was hypnotized and then given a series of tasks to perform over 8 hours. The tasks were easy and mundane. The only one I remember was "find someone listening to ___" (specific song). So I was walking around doing some tasks. I felt stoned and things were slightly unclear. I passed a store front that advertised wedding treats. I went inside to pick up something for some friends who are getting married in the future. It turns out that it was a naughty bakery, and I was not sure if a cake-penis or cake-breast was really appropriate to bring. Then my twin sister and her partner showed up, and they both had hot pink streaks in their hair. The women working at the bakery brought me to the back where it was a huge salon. They said, "You would look SO good with pink hair too." I kind of laughed and said, "Yeah" in a way that apparently gave the impression that I wanted them to dye my hair. I left the naughty baker/salon, and continued trying to do my tasks. Then I realized they had put foil in my hair and that I was supposed to go back - they thought I wanted them to dye my hair! So I went back, and fumbled over my words. I said, "I'm not on drugs, but I'm hypnotized!" They charged me $90 and I said, "I'll pay, but I don't want my hair dyed, nor do I want a naughty cake!" and the guy looked at me like I was crazy. They clearly forgot that a wedding treat was the original reason for me going into the store in the first place. I returned to my original starting point. I have no idea how many "tasks" (if any) I actually completed.

Bible Study and WOW

I was a student. One of my assignments was to go to a school in the next town which was known for being a little "strange." First I spied on the school to see what I was getting into. Over the hill and looking down on a large building with people walking around. Looked normal.

I went into a classroom and sat down. The first half of the class was Bible study and the teacher scolded me for not knowing which passage to read. The second half of the class was playing World of Warcraft.

I left during this time to go to an administrative office. I found that one of the small rooms near the office had a "spooky feel" to it and that it was brain-washing everyone who worked there.

So I needed to get into battle. Buffy the Vampire Slayer showed up for a bit, but her attitude was, "Um, really? You need help fighting spooky religious school teachers?" and she was kind of a stuck up bitch.

Pay close attention to Obama's next speech.

I dreamt that I was at my parents house and President Obama was going to stop by so I could give him a haircut. Apparently before he was president he regularly got haircuts from me even though I am not a hair stylist.

So when he came over I was really nervous because he was the president now and if I gave him a bad haircut then both he and I would be shamed.

As I was giving him his hair cut he kept moving around and texting on his blackberry, calling people, and 'taking breaks' for 'official business'. Then he was called away to deal with something, and I couldn't finish the haircut. He left with a big tuft of hair sticking up.

Beer Pub, Bicycles, Beef Jerky, & Naked

This dream cracked me up: 

I was sent on a mission by someone, I don't know who, but I know I had to get specific things from a grocery store and it was VERY important.  In my dream it kind of felt like this was for my job, you know stuff you HAVE to do. 

This grocery store was far from my house, I'm pretty sure it was in another state.  I think I was in Iowa City.  But first I was instructed I had to stop at a brew pub that was on an extremely slanted hill.  The inside of the brew pub had all these beer steins and dark oak woodwork with really high ceilings.  Most of the patron were gray haired, but everybody there was sitting on bicycles. They were not sitting on bar stools, they were sitting on bicycles.  If they needed to get up and go to the bathroom or go to the end of the bar to get another drink, they didn't walk over, they rode their bicycle.  Also everyone there understood that I was there as part of a "mission",  although this mission wasn't really clear to even me.  But, part of this mission, apparently, was to give me a bike.  So, they gave me a bike and I rode it on out of the very steeply inclined beer pub out into the streets where they all cheered me on and waved goodbye.   I rode the bike for a few blocks until I was out of their sight and then I ditched the bike.  

After ditching the bike I got into a car and drove quickly to this grocery store in Iowa City.  As I pull up in the parking lot of this grocery store I notice that I'm naked.   I'm a little distressed by this as it is very important that I get certain items from this grocery store as part of my "mission".  So, I tell myself in my head that I just have to do it, that if I act confident and like it isn't a big deal then it probably won't be a big deal.  No one will really notice, right? (you know, like when you're really scared of public speaking, but you just act like you're not, that kind of thing). 

So, I go into the grocery store.  One hand over my crotch, one hand over my breasts (sort of).  And I'm quickly and desperately search the aisles for the items I need, which are: 

-Beef Jerky, the thin smoked type, not slim jims

-Whole live Lobsters.  3 of them.

I find the beef Jerky and I'm making my way to the back of the grocery store, where the tank of Live Lobsters are kept,  and I run into this woman who says to me: 

Where are your clothes? 

I know I have to make something up, so I very confidently and quickly respond in that annoyed mother sort of way: 

Oh, my daughter took them, you know kids. I'm looking for her, have you seen her?  She's somewhere in the store....boy, when I find her...

The lady seemed to understand and nodded knowingly.  

Then I woke up.  

"This Is Not Piano, This Is Dreaming"

This is not a dream, but a video a friend sent me. It's a segment of an interview with Duke Ellington. Check it:



Just what I needed to hear this morning!

Lost and a Play

It's a long one...get ready...

I dreamed that I was sitting outside a cabin with a bunch of people. We sat around a fire. I think it was my family and then some people I vaguely knew. Things felt weird, sort of socially uncomfortable, and like people weren't totally happy being there. Some people were having silent disagreements. I was nervous.

I'm not sure how it transitioned into this next part, but somebody told me that my friend C was inside the cabin and he wasn't okay. I thought they meant he was dead. I ran inside to find my brother dozing in and out of sleep on the couch, and my friend C laying on the floor. He looked at me and was crying. He was telling me "I can't do this anymore." Then he was in an old-timey-looking armchair. I held on to him and he cried and sweated and I kissed him on the shoulder. I told him he needed to keep trying other things. The room was dark with only the light flickering from the television, and Emil was there this whole time.

After a really long period of silence, I put my hand over one of his, and they started convulsing insanely. I removed my hand. At this point the entire "foyer" of the cabin filled with my parents and all these strangers, all old fashioned looking. It was like the entire cast of Oliver Twist or something. They kept telling me that it was time, that they'd have to take him. I knew they meant to a mental institution. My mother looked at me sadly and I knew she agreed that he had to go. I screamed and debated and carried on. I don't think I've ever screamed like this in real life. I begged for just a little more time to fix him myself. One man, the ringleader, had an olde timey mustache and tiny, round glasses (he would have talked like "yeah, see? That's the ticket!"). He pointed a black umbrella in the air, and the umbrella grew to be about ten feet long. It had a really sharp point, and I knew they were going to stab C with it if I didn't do anything.

Everything faded out.

All of a sudden, I'm at an effing play with my family, sitting in the front row. I couldn't follow the story line, but there were a ton of princes, and it may have been loosely based around Cinderella. The evil stepmother was dressed like I Dream of Jeanie, but in green. At the end of the play, there was a "Procession of Queens," one from each country of the world. I tried to identify them by their outfits, but the only one I was sure of was The Queen of the North Pole because she was dressed all in red with white furry accents, a la Santa Claus.

After that, one of the actresses leaned right over my mother. My mother put each of her index fingers on the actresses shoulders and gently pushed her away. "Wait," the actress mouthed to my mother. I looked up to see C, about to fly on stage on a zip line. He wore a white undershirt and black pants. He flew in, right behind this actress, and landed in front of us, but there was definitely no zip line - this guy was flying, for real. The final dance number happened, and C beat on this drum and on the floor and on the railing that separated us, all with his bare hands, and cried from happiness. He looked straight at my mother and thanked her over and over again.

After the play, I found myself walking alone, trying to get somewhere in Chicago. I saw the river and walked alongside it, but got terribly lost. I kept asking people which direction was west, and people would laugh, or be like "Oh you're WAY off," or tell me to find Boston Rd. And one man told me that we were too remote. "I just want to know which way is west!" I said, almost crying. "I'm having a really hard day!" He ignored me and walked away.

I finally went into a 7-11 or something like it and talked to the manager. He was about 22 or so and had really curly blonde hair. I also told him that I was having a hard day. He was really nice and gave me a free ice cream and walked outside with me for awhile. He pointed me in a direction under a tunnel and told me to find Boston Rd. He said once I found Boston Rd, I'd be fine. He also gave me his card so that we could see each other again. I walked for what seemed like hours, feeling really alone and lost and unsure until I finally saw the Chicago skyline and felt better. At least I recognized something...

I woke up to a piercing smoke alarm and felt sad and exhausted for awhile. But looking back now, the funny parts are really effing funny, you know? And C in a musical? Awesome.

Birds Inside

I dreamed that there were three different birds inside my home. One was yellow, one was a female cardinal, and one was a male cardinal. The apartment was filled with these double-door combinations...like a main door and a screen door. It made chasing them outside very difficult.

Mostly I tried to ignore that the birds were inside, because I have a really hard time with flying things indoors (bats, birds, whatever). But once in awhile I'd try and coax them outside.

At one point, the yellow one was perched on the outside screen door, trying to get outside but not quite making it. I stood about 6 inches from it and realized how tiny it was. I thought about how if I held it in one hand, I'd probably crush it. After I stared at it for awhile, it finally flew away.

Groceries, The Mall, and Bathrooms, As Usual

I dreamed I was in a supermarket with Marc and his son. It was a fancy kind; all the shelves were wood and all the produce was displayed impeccably. I avoided the meat section, just like in real life. At some point, I heard music coming from around the corner from the produce section. There was a noise band playing. Somebody's voice told me that this was the new location of the Wisco (for non-Madisonians, the Wisco is this dive bar that smells like pee). I felt strange that I didn't know about the new club. It looked like one of those youth centers I used to go to in high school - yellowish plaid couches and bulletin boards on the walls. And all that produce!

Later, I was walking along a black gravel driveway on the side of the mountain, looking for Marc, who was my ride. I couldn't find him so I got into my own car, which was being driven by Sarah. As she was driving, she lost control of the car. I looked over at her and realized she'd pulled the key out of the ignition and couldn't get it back in. I grabbed the steering wheel that was all of a sudden conveniently located right in front of me and pulled us off the side of the road. We sat there for quite awhile, unable to start my car.

I was all of a sudden in a mall, looking for a bathroom (which has totally happened before) and looking for Boston Store (aka Carson's). I walked past my mother, my sister, and a former teacher. None of us acknowledged each other, and I woke up confused. At some point though (I'm unclear on when) my mom told me that Boston Store had gone out of business. I was upset because I really needed a bathroom.

Broken Typewriters

I had a dream that I was walking around on "hippie christmas" very early in the morning. Maybe 4 or 5 am. It had been raining all night though. So almost everything was ruined. As I was walking I looked down and saw six or seven cases and then realized they were all old typewriter cases. I opened them up and every single one of them had had the keys removed in some sort of violent way. They were broken off. A few of the typewriters still contained a handful of letters but not very many.
I looked up the meaning of dreaming of a typerwriter and found that "....to see a typewriter in your dream, indicates that you need to open the lines of communication with someone in your life. " And the fact that they were all broken is kind of alarming to me.

Sexy Time with Janet Jackson

So the only dreams I ever remember are sexual or scary. And unfortunately the scary ones happen way more than the sexy ones.

Last night I dreamed about sexy times. Like, innocent situations that turned sexy. At one I was watching a play, and the protagonist had to change her dress at one point. So for some reason she came over to where I was sitting and changed her dress while sexily leaning over me, kinda like a strip club. Something similar happened with Janet Jackson in the dream. No touching, but naked closeness.

Later in my dream I was talking to my family (god) and for some reason felt compelled to tell them that I had "4 sexy times earlier, including 1 with Janet Jackson."

I never think about Janet Jackson, but you better believe I will now.

When Blogs Collide: Beer Dream

I recently dreamed I found a bottle of DogFish Head "Theobroma" in a store. Many months ago I did see a special on the Discovery channel about craft beer and they talked to the head of Dogfish Head a lot and focused quite a bit on Theobroma. I blogged about this here.

In my dream I was ecxited to find it, and it cost $13 for a bottle but I did not care.
In real life I am excited for it, and they come out with a new batch this summer.

I feel like this is a big step in me becoming a true "beer geek" - visions of beer dancing in my head.

Saturday Night: Shopping, Orchestra, Late

I was supposed to play cello with my high school orchestra at 2:30. But I was also waiting for my bff to come visit from out-of-town. The recital kept getting postponed. So I decided to do some shopping for presents. I went into one store and it turned out to be a salon but they also sold really great belts and bags. I looked at some hot pink hair dye, thinking of presents for my bff, but it was $36.00 for a little tube. "Forget it!" I thought. Then I saw bags upstairs. One was in the style of the Mr. Men characters AND on clearance. I was so excited! But then it turned out to be a hat for a little kid. It would be too small. I walked into an athletic clothing store but it was too crowded. So I went to get something to eat. I wanted a veggie hot dog, but accidentally ordered a veggie burger instead. And it was $6! I was sad, as the veggie hot dog would have only been $3.50. The guy at the counter was very cute and alternative looking. He was a friend of my BFF, and I explained I was waiting for her. Then I remembered I had a concert to play! I checked my cell phone. The concert was post-poned until 5:30. Phew. I said good-bye to the nice guy at the counter and said, "I'll be back." His co-worker made fun of me, like, "Oooh, good to know you'll be back" but BFF's friend said, "No, she's cool, she's a friend." That felt cool and as I left I skated down the stairs like I was on skis and it felt really cool. I looked at 1 other store-front and saw my full name - first, middle, last - written in lights on their wall. I ran to look at it. Another girl did the same thing - she saw the same lights but it said HER name instead. As you get closer, you realize it's an optical illusion. "That's how they get you!" I realized. Inside the store were many exotic animals. Small tigers, miniature lions. I saw a little mammal eat a rabbit and got sad. The girl I walked in with got upset at this as well. Then I realized I was late for the recital. It was 5:30 now! Plus BFF was supposed to arrive and here I was dilly-dallying around the stores.

Friday Night: A long walk pantsless with Ellen and a Steak

It was very complex. It began by me shopping with my little sister for dinner at a grocery store. I bought a steak to cook her. But when I left the store, I couldn't find her! Even though she is now 17 in real life, in my dreams she is always a little tot. So I was very worried. I returned to the store to look for her. The cashier was puzzled. "Back so soon?" "I'm looking for my sister," I explained. I decided to walk home, and bring the steak to my sister. I was walking in East Grand Rapids, MI, where I lived in real life from about 1983-1990. The streets looked exactly the same. I was walking and walking and I felt like I was walking so slow! Then I realized my tight boxer shorts were constricting my movements under my jeans. So I took them off. "Ahh, much better" I thought as I could walk faster. But then I realized, I did not put my jeans back on. But my t-shirt was sort of long, so it was not too bad. As I was walking, I passed Ellen Degeneres. She smiled at me and said Hello. I was excited to see her but kept walking. As I was walking through an area with lots of trees, and older man who sort of creeped me out said, "You know that the earth is being destroyed due to acts of God, don't you?" I wanted to ignore him, but this statement made me so angry. I turned around and said, "You mean acts of MAN!" He smiled as though he had expected this, and walked with me. He was not creepy after all, which was good, particularly as I still was not wearing pants. I passed Ellen Degeneres again. This time she was busy shooting a scene or something and did not even bother saying hello to me. Bitch. By the time I got all the way home to cook my sister a steak, it was 5:30am. I realized that it was almost breakfast time, so the steak would be inappropriate at this hour.

Whale Sharks and My Family

I was on vacation with my family - parents and siblings. We were on some beach that I think was maybe in Florida. We'd just arrived and decided to go swimming. There was this body of water that was like a combination of a lake and a pool, and there were four "whale sharks" swimming in it. They did not look like what real whale sharks do in real life...



...they were dark, almost black, glossy, and a bit bigger than a beluga. Although somebody told me there were four of them in there, I only saw three.

My father caught my attention and beckoned me over to where he was. There was a separate room with the "hot tub" in it - it was really just a smaller pool surrounded by large rocks and encased in glass, like a greenhouse. There was steam rising off the surface of the water. One whale shark swam in this water. My father was on the edge of the pool opposite from where I stood. Without speaking, he told me "watch this." He raised his hand high in the air and waved. The whale shark mimicked him with its tail. It imitated my dad so closely that it's tail changed shape; his tail looked just like a glossy, black version of my father's hand, five fingers and all. They were like mirrors of each other.

My father did many other hand motions, all of which the whale shark imitated with its tail. Very late in this whole production, I noticed that there was a third hand coming out of the pool, and it was the hand of a gorilla. I thought to myself "that's impossible, how could there be a gorilla under there?" Immediately after that thought, Emil confirmed it. "The tour guide told me it's true," he said.

I kept watching my father, wondering at how he could make the whale shark's tail do all these different formations. I was also very nervous about my father being so close to the water, since he can't swim (which has inspired other dreams). He got wet, but didn't fall in. He was wearing a suit.

Later, we were in my sister's front yard in Atlanta, where all of her living room furniture was placed in a very organized fashion. We were deciding what to give away. I chose a broken lamp. My father pointed a television remote control at nothing and a light turned on. It was dusk, and the air felt damp. The light was hazy and there were shades of purple everywhere. My mother sat in an easy chair and read. Everything felt very peaceful and calm.